The Good, The Bad and the Ugly of Comparisons

“The heart is like a garden: it can grow compassion or fear, resentment or love. What seeds will you plant there?” ~Jack Kornfield

I stumbled on this quote in a blog by Hannah Braime and it made me wonder what types of seeds do I plant…  For those that know me, planting seeds in a garden is not my forte.  I have a definite brown or maybe even a black thumb.  When we lived in South Jersey, I planted things that kind of took care of themselves in the garden on the side of the house – you know the ones that if you forget to water or feed, they still grow.

The comparison that Hannah talks about is something that I go through periodically in my business and in my personal life.  The “what if” person arrives, uninvited and definitely unwanted to put a damper on an otherwise great day.  You know, that comparison of our business, our life, our looks to the rest of the world.  This kind of comparison is usually ego-based and we find ourselves lacking in one or all areas.  Or at least I do!

This week, I struggled with:

• What others would think if I gained a few pounds after just making lifetime at WW
• Maybe I wasn’t a good leader because my downline didn’t reach their personal goals
• What others thought as I shed the winter coverup clothes and adorn the spring/summer attire.
• How come my business is not like __________(fill in the blank)

Okay, so my list could go on because as hubby would say – “I have done some bashing” this week and my attitude has shown it.  Grumpy Grace and Evil Edna made a visit – hard to believe, huh?  LOL.

Hannah (as well as some other mentors) helped me to see it was not the comparison that was the problem – I WAS!  It isn’t the comparison but the way that I approach it… does it motivate me to make some changes or does it kick me when I am down?

And that, I’ve realized, is the choice we face. When we compare ourselves to others, it’s usually because they have something, are doing something, or being something that we want to have, do, or be.  WOW!  An AHA moment for me..

Instead of worrying what people think or entering the downward spiral, I need to ask the “What they did to get there?”.  Why not, right?  Okay so that would mean admitting that I need help but the truth is, that my ego could rob me of an opportunity to learn, to be inspired or to grow.

When we notice that, and notice that uncomfortable feeling of envy arising, we have a decision to make: We can beat ourselves up over the gap between where we are and where they are, or we can ask ourselves: “What is this comparison telling me about what I’m wanting/needing right now?” and “What can I learn from this person to get myself closer to where I want to be?”

How do you deal with comparison in your life?  I am going to step out of my comfort zone, swallow my ego (and my pride) and ask for ideas the next time I get bit by the comparison bug.  What about you?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!