What Happen to Me

Thank you Traci Bild for another nudge.  It was your blog – along with some AHA moments at the ETTM Power of Connection Conference AND a comment from hubby that got me ready for today’s appointment.  This afternoon, I am headed to see a new counselor/ life coach.  She takes our health insurance – YEAH! and according to her bio, she is the one.  Okay, so I am 10 steps ahead of you, right?  Let’s see if I can do a condensed version of this journey…

Traci’s blog was entitled “The Day I Realized I was No Longer The Woman My Husband Wanted”.  Don’t panic folks, there is no trouble at home.  It was just an AHA moment for me.  Those fun things that I used to plan had turned into a routine.  The cute emails and notes – no more because we were married.  I actually came across the emails that hubby and I had written in a box…. he printed and saved them all.  My little hoarded helped me to realize how much I had changed.  I read some of them and thought “who is this person”.  The person in those letters was always smiling, crazy busy (okay so maybe that hadn’t changed), willing to put work aside to spend time with the people she loved and was romantic – totally in love with her man!  Okay, so the totally in love part didn’t change but I did!  Somewhere along the way, I got comfortable – not always a bad thing. I wasn’t sure what I was changing into but I was sure I wasn’t 100% happy.

Fast forward to the ETTM Power of Connection Conference where God began to work his magic or better yet, he picked up a 2×4 and hit me in the head.  I longed to see myself as others see me…”your smile lights up a room”, “your business is booming”, or “you look great, are you loosing more weight”.  Okay, so that wasn’t what I saw when I looked in the mirror.  Then at a pivotal point and for what seemed like no real reason, I shared a DEEP secret with another participant.  The funny thing was, as soon as the words were out of my mouth – I covered my mouth.  You know like putting the lid on a pot after it has boiled over.  LaTia smiled and simply said “now it is time for you to soar.  You have taken the first step of letting go of the one thing that has held you back”.  She signed her book “Burdens in My Backpack” and I came home ready to share all of the wonderful things that I had learned at the conference.

WRONG!  When I started to tell hubby all of the wonder things…his response “blah, blah, blah”.  I was shocked, hurt and then I felt the nudge to listen to what he had to say.  That is when he shared that “I was my own worst enemy” – really, like I didn’t know that, right?  He said, “you need to find someone who can help you finally get over this hump and move on so you can ROCK your business”.  Deep down, I think he is hoping that the girl he fell in love with over 42 years ago will return too.  Yes, that was ME!

So, after a few tears, and beating myself up a little.  I was on a mission to find someone who was not only willing to help me overcome this secret but who was also going to help me move forward in my business.  I knew all of the things that I didn’t want in a counselor which was a lot easier to list than what I wanted in one.  I actually found one that takes our insurance AND focuses on the things that I want to do in my life including my business.

So, today is the day and I am excited, nervous and willing to move on.  This secret has controlled my life for 40 years and I am ready to let it go.  I am ready to blossom and shine.  I am ready to return to the woman that my hubby fell in love with and ROCK my business.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!