Courage

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

Just when I think I can’t hear God.  Just when I think I don’t know what God wants me to do, he whispers in my ear.  It means stepping out of my comfort zone.  It means sharing things with others that have been buried deep inside.  It means trusting without fear that God has this.

But when I thought about today’s blog, this “crazy” thought popped up and I needed to share.

We ended our Leadership Retreat last weekend with what some might say was a true “come to Jesus” moment.  Okay, so it may have been 2 hours but it felt like only moments.  As Becky Spieth shared her story with us, tears flowed from everyone in the room. Not because of her story but how her story touched each of us that day.  We may not have walked the same path.  We may not have had the exact same experiences BUT we all needed to hear her words.

As she played Amazing Grace to settle our hearts. I cried like a baby.  God was asking me to open my heart.  He was reaching out to me.  It was the first time in a VERY long time, that I  was not worried about what others thought.  These were my Thirty One sisters. God has a plan for us – we are going to move mountains with “this purse thing”.

At the end, Becky invited each of us to come up (if we wanted) for individual prayer.  In the background was a song that I hadn’t heard in a long time – At the Foot of the Cross.  It was at this moment that I realized that on the outside I was doing all of the “right things” while on the inside I still harbored doubts and fears.  I still believed that my past filled with sin kept me from God’s grace.  I still believed that God really didn’t speak to me.  I still believed that I didn’t deserve love – unconditional love from anyone including my hubby.  I was standing in line for prayer to support someone else – not for me.  It was then that the roles were reversed and God truly touched my heart.  I felt a warmth that can’t be described.  As we left, I felt renewed and ready to hold fast to God’s love.  I realized that I had been “emotionally divorcing” from my life in an effort to “look good”.  This was the only way for me to not “appear” to be a chronic whiner or complainer – a Negative Nellie or Doubtful Debbie.

Only a few days after being home, I let the routine of life fill me with old feelings.  I struggled to find the courage to believe that my business was going to be successful. I struggled not to “emotionally divorce” my life.  I struggled to tap into God’s word.  Then I was doing my devotions when I realized that I haven’t really been doing devotions.  Yes, I read God’s word but it was that quick read in the morning via an email on daily devotions.  I wasn’t praying about it nor was I asking God what he wanted me to get from the reading.  I wasn’t actually reading the Bible and having a relationship with God.  As I read my Leadership Bible, I realized that I needed to return to having conversations with God.  Believe it or not, hubby has a better relationship with God than I do.  No, he doesn’t go to church BUT he talks to him each day.  Okay, so he might get mad about things but he actually asks God for guidance. I feel like my conversations have returned to those old “foxhole” prayers from my days of addiction.

I ask that you listen to the words of Amazing Grace and At the Foot of the Cross. Let them touch your heart as God begins to work in your life.  I pray that this blog has touched someone’s heart. I pray for healing, for comfort and for grace each of you reading this today.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!