Relax, Reflect, Recharge

When Fear Rules Your Thoughts

091115-how-to-live-your-faith-03-when-life-hands-you-lemons-2-728Thank you Tayler Beede for today’s message…

I can be pretty wimpy sometimes. I thrive on routine, and I don’t like change. Which means I have a difficult time dealing with trials as well. Often times I just simply shut down.

But recently I faced a situation I couldn’t wimp out on. I found out I was pregnant just three months after a traumatizing miscarriage. I was so unbelievably thankful for a baby I could hopefully hold earth side. However, this time I faced different complications, and the news that my baby could likely have disabilities. I found myself driving to a specialist every few weeks, feeling terrified all the time, and honestly, barely functioning.

It all felt like way too much, and I let it completely debilitate me. I didn’t face it with faith, praying and hoping in the Lord. Instead, I worried, and lost sleep, and let everything around me crumble. Yes, I prayed often for the health of my baby, but I didn’t let my faith lead me, I let fear rule my thoughts instead.

And at 29 weeks, after several long months of panic, I was told my baby was 100% healthy.

Wow, looking back I now realized how much time I wasted worrying and panicking and not trusting the Lord in His plan for all of this. But despite my lack of faith, God still used that experience in amazing ways.

He strengthened me in ways I never thought possible. He got me through, day by day, even when I thought I couldn’t make it another minute. He was with me through all of the ultrasounds, ER visits, blood tests, and scary appointments. Though I didn’t call on Him as much as I should have, He was still there, making beautiful things according to His plan.
And on May 6, late in the night, my beautiful, perfect son was born after 24 hours of hard, anxiety filled labor. It was such a visual picture of how we never know exactly what God is making of something when we’re in the middle of the trial. And oftentimes, we even doubt that anything is coming of it at all. But after all of that struggle, I was given the gift of being a stronger mama to this boy whom I love so fiercely.

Throughout my pregnancy, I had 2 Corinthians 4:18 as the wallpaper on my cell phone:

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

Looking back, that was so fitting. Because we know that in the end, whether we see it or not, God is working towards finishing His work in us. Had my son had the disabilities they told me he did, I would have loved him 100% as much. But I let the fear of the unknown terrify me rather than trusting in the Lord that he had amazing, eternal plans for my son no matter what.

So if you’re facing a tough situation, and you just don’t know how any good can come out of it, know that you are trusting God who has a perfect plan and a perfect track record.

He is making beautiful things.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

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