Are you a people pleaser? If so, you may struggle with confidence. Why do I say that? Well, as people pleasers, our world can be crushed when some says “they are disappointed in us” or they get upset with us. Our confidence is shaken and the inner gremlins begin to bounce around in our head.
As we start a new year, it is time to work towards a new you. One who is confident and believes you are good enough. My goal in life has always been to bring a smile to the face of others. Somewhere along the way, the people pleaser side took over and I lost myself.
Last year, I caught glimpses of how talented I was yet there was something deep inside me which believed I wasn’t good enough. On the days I feel confident, I know I am good at running my businesses and the joy shines out for all to see. On the days those inner gremlins are chipping away at my confidence, I sit in wonder and doubt about everything I have done in my life or am planning on doing. Those days can be crippling.
I’m sure I am not alone. Many of us have been taught to “fake it until we make it”. For some it works – they can mask their lack of confidence closing the door on those inner gremlins. There are others (like me) who wear their emotions on their sleeve. How many times have you been told “get over it”, “pull yourself together”, or the one which makes me the craziest “you should be over this already”.
Sometimes it is more complicated. Sometimes, it is tough to get over the self-limiting beliefs which have haunted us for years. We can overcome them with compassion, and patience.
#1 Get to the heart of it
Your struggle with confidence exists for a reason. Maybe someone told you once you weren’t good enough. Maybe you weren’t nurtured growing up. Maybe you were crushed too many times. Painful, horrible, heartbreaking things can happen in our lives. Some big, some small, which all affect how we feel about ourselves. Diving deep into these experiences and our stories can help us connect the dots to see where we are now.
#2 But don’t live there
We get stuck! Once we own the things which shaped and affected our confidence, it’s easy to feel defeated, overwhelmed, and even a little angry. But we can’t stay in there because we can’t thrive if we do. It’s our job to move forward, rewriting the stories we’ve told ourselves. We need to grow confidence in our skills and in ourselves moving forward every day. The most important part is letting go of the things which don’t serve us along the way.
#3 Surround yourself with the right things
Everything we surround ourselves with shapes our perspective and experience – it all matters. We need to surround ourselves with people who believe in us, who inspire us, and who cheer us on every step of the way. Look for ways to push yourself to be the very best version of you. STOMP out those inner gremlins which make you feel small or overwhelmed. It is important to nurture your mind and your body. Fill your days with the things which bring you joy, inspires you to take action, and supports you to show up with a whole heart to your work and your life.
#4 Focus on you, not your fears
Fear can be healthy and it is an unavoidable part of living life. But when we devote our time and energy to honing, growing, and nurturing ourselves, we can grow confident in our creative work and life. The more we show ourselves what we’re capable of, the more we build grow and the more confident we become. Don’t let self-doubt and fear distract you from becoming the crazy-awesome creative person you’re meant to be.
#5 You’re the one who your lack of confidence hurts the most
OUCH! This is and was the toughest realization for me. If I give into my fears, if I let my self-doubt take the wheel, the person who suffers the most is me. Believe me is won’t be easy – facing ourselves, our biggest fears, and our toughest experiences. By believing we are capable of more, and we are worthy of running in the direction of a life which feels true to us takes a whole lot of courage. Becoming confident takes time. We need to show up every day, even when this inner gremlins in our head are telling us we should quit. We need to push through the crap so we can get to the good stuff.
The truth is: it’s always, always, worth it. When we believe in ourselves, once we bear witness to our gifts, strengths, and creativity, we can start to do incredible work in the world and build a life which is impactful, fulfilling, and sustainable.
Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!