Faith is “complete trust or confidence in someone or something”.
Trust is “firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.”.
Why is it so much easier to trust someone or something than it is to have faith? I will be honest, the two words sometimes get confused in my head. Nothing unusual with the onset of MS….
We trust every day – driving on the highway a car won’t cross the line, flying in a plane we won’t crash – yet when it comes to having faith in a Higher Power (I chose to call God), we want more. I often hear individuals talk about struggling with the idea of a higher power, of having faith there is something greater who is loving and caring. Yet, we readily jump in the back pockets of other recovering addicts “trusting” they will lead us in the right direction since they have some clean time. It is a very fine line but who doesn’t like the thrill of walking a tightrope without the chance of falling.
Life has had its ups and downs lately. Nothing dramatic and probably no more than usual. The impact my relapse has had on my life (and my relationships) rears it ugly head some days which can send me spiraling. Life on life’s terms was never promised to be easy. I have faith God will restore relationships completely when the time is right. I have faith he wraps his loving arms around me, giving me comfort when I am weak and struggling. I have faith he will help me close the door on Debbie Doubtful and Negative Nellie when they come to call. I have faith when the time is right those relationships will be restored and all will be well. I also face the fact, they may never look like what I want them to be but I trust it will be right for those involved.
Today, I don’t have to be the selfish, self-centered person I was (I want what I want when I want it). I wanted to fix, manage and control situations and people so I could feel better. I can change. It took me a long time to totally understand how self-centered I was. My justification used to be to make a list of the things I did for everyone else, or to sacrifice what I wanted to do, so how am I being self-centered? I have learned to trust others when they point out this definite character flaw. It is my faith which allows me to believe they were brought into my life for a reason. See the fine line???
As the world reels from the “virus”….. “who do you trust?” “do you have faith?”. Are you being negative and jumping on the anger wagon during this crisis? Does this “interfere” with your life? My one day at a time perspective and the inability to remember things has helped me keep a positive attitude in light of all of the negativity. Showing kindness towards others in dark times is more important than ever. Thanking those who are working hard to stock shelves. Thanking those who are helping others who can’t get out. Stopping by my favorite small business to share some “angel love” and support them during this difficult time. I trust we will get through this. I have faith this is a blessing in disguise. Sometimes darkness needs to come before there is light. Look at the positive side of all the closings. Be grateful you have a home to go to. Be grateful you have family to be locked in with -even if we may want to kill them. LOL. Be grateful there is some food and some toilet paper. Please no hate mail.
I know I have probably squirreled throughout this post but my heart was heavy this morning thinking about things. As we start to talk and plan hubby’s retirement, the “woulda, shoulda, couldas” come along. I loose focus on who I am becoming, loving myself (okay I will start with liking myself) and start to force the memories of the past. Struggling for memories brings frustration which brings negative thoughts and questions everything. It is only when I trust in my Higher Power and have faith he will restore those memories if and when the time is right, I find peace.
If you are struggling with faith, look for the little blessings in your day. What you call coincidences, I call blessings or your Higher Power at work. Maybe your Higher Power is a loved one who passed. Maybe it is your dog. Yup, it can be anything or anyone you want it to be who is greater than you. I’m a visual person since processing words is tough anymore… so someone holding the door, a random smile from a stranger, a hug from another recovering addict, a random call or text from someone you haven’t heard from in awhile… These things are blessings from a power greater than yourself. Are you struggling with finding supplies during the “stocking up”? Maybe someone shares their toilet paper or drops off a meal for your family or gives you the gallon of milk from their cart. These are all your Higher Power at work. Have faith, even as small as a mustard seed……….they are really tiny! All things are possible.
Check out of my favorite songs. Listen and trust there is a plan for all of us…
So, just for TODAY, will you join me in trusting your Higher Power has a plan for you. He will guide you when you swerve off course as long as you EMBRACE his love and open your heart to all he has for you. As you do this, your faith will grow just like the mustard seed.
Have a blessed day!