Relax, Reflect, Recharge

I am Offended and Hurt

Thank you Kelly Balarie for today’s message…..

She put me down, right there in front of “all them.” Sure, it was subtle, but it was real and … worst of all, it wasn’t the first time. In fact, every time I encourage others around that one particular subject, she circles right back and shoots it down. You can’t get one thing past her.

Hmph! Well, if she’s going to put me down like that? Well…I’ll show her. I don’t have to put up with this.

I thought about leaving the gathering. But I didn’t. I just sat there, internally fuming, while externally smiling.

Later, when I got home, I wondered why I even bother speaking up, encouraging others or taking the risk to be open and honest. Women always hurt me. Like that one time I shared the vulnerable details of my heart, only to get word it was being passed through the meat grinder of women’s chattering mouths. Or the other time when I shared my hurt and it was misinterpreted and stomped upon by those around me. Or worst yet, when I shared about God and felt all the crawling judgement of others walking up and down my body.

The more I think about all this, the more the problem bothers me. And worst yet, I fear: what if the real problem is – me? Perhaps it’s not their issue, but my fatal-flaw issue. One I was born with. What then?

I must not be good. I must be unlikable. I’ll always have this problem.

When I look deep within myself, I see faults:

I sometimes seek to impress others.
I hate feeling like people aren’t approving of me.
I never want to be seen as one doing wrong.
I have a hard time when people disagree.
I feel like less of a person when I’m not adding value.
I feel worthier when God is using me for important things.

Yet, when I look a level deeper I see something else. Yes, I am flawed, but not fatally – thanks to Jesus. I say things wrong, but I am always wanted. I make mistakes, but I am always loved. I do need to say, “I’m sorry,” but I am always forgiven.

I am not the sum of what I do, but the product of how I’m loved by Jesus.

The same goes for you. Love pours out of you, because Love came for you and conquered all. He taught. He led. He bled. He died. He was buried. He rose to heaven. For you.

With this, we no longer have to create perfect love that demands perfect responses from others. Instead, we can rest in Him who is perfect love. We can trust His love to compel us. We can breathe deep and gain perseverance and endurance from the endlessly beautiful gift he extends to us. The gift called, “sweet relief.”

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day! 

 

Woohoo Wednesday

Let It Go!

This post is NOT all about the movie “Frozen“.  Although, I did see the movie and loved it.  This phrase has been coming up a lot lately for me.  It was the topic at a recent Weight Watcher meeting which of course sent me into emotional tailspin.  WHY? Because “letting go” is not something I do easily.  Then it came up in conversations with friends about business and personal lives.  Do you think God is trying to send me a message?

Do your emotions lead to food?  Whether we are happy, sad, stressed or angry – food seems to be solace for many of us.  We probably aren’t physically hungry but we find ourselves eating mindlessly and then wondering why the scale is not moving.  GUILTY!

Did you know between 35-60 percent of people who struggle with their weight claim to be emotional eaters.  It becomes a habit.  The two become so closely linked, we have a hard time separating them.  Yes, eating can provide temporary relief but then we never learn how to handle the emotion without eating.  Lately, it has become just the opposite for me – I don’t eat at all when I am upset.  Not good either since my body then goes into starvation mode and the end result is the scale doesn’t move.  Learning how to “let it go” is key to having balance in life (or at least in mine).  

Here are some steps to use when emotions trigger an urge to eat or when you need to let go of things in your life:

  1. Sit comfortably with feet on the floor and back straight but not rigid.  Let your gaze fall onto a spot which won’t distract you or gently close your eyes
  2. Settle yourself and focus on your breath moving in and out of your body.
  3. Imagine a blue sky with fluffy clouds lightly drifting across it (or actually watch them enjoying God’s beauty). Imagine each cloud passing by is a thought, image or feeling.
  4. Mentally step back to observe and label each cloud.  Maybe it’s a thought about work, a feeling of frustration, an urge to eat, or feeling alone.  You are not trying to change or stop the clouds, just watching, describing and letting feelings and thoughts pass by.
  5. Continue for two minutes.  Gently bring your attention back to your breath, slowly inhaling and exhaling three times and back to the present.

You can apply this same technique to other parts of your life as well.  Anger at a friend or family member.  Frustration with your business.  Feeling alone.  Hurt by someone’s unkind words.  Letting go of emotions is not easy but when we hold on to them, we feed those nasty inner gremlins.  As a result, the negative feelings build up and the inner gremlins grow causing a downward spiral which effects all aspects of your life, including the scale.

What unhelpful (or negative) thought have you had when emotions trigger the urge to eat?  Do a reality check?  You do not have to own those feelings, you can let them go and STOMP out those inner gremlins.  

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Unclutter Your Life

What Do Your Emotions Teach You?

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Happy Monday!  I don’t know about you but the holiday season always brings on a ton of emotions… some happy, some sad and some even angry. I know this is a weird topic for a Monday morning, just hope it touches someone’s heart.

Over the years, the holidays have changed so much for me.  They seem to have gone the whole range from happy to sad to depressing and then back to happy.  Okay, so maybe I have bumped back and forth between happy many times in between but each time during the road back, I have learned something.

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Simply put my emotions are teachers.   The late Thomas Leonard, a pioneer in the field of life coaching, used to say.

Emotions are not there to simply annoy you or make you miserable or ecstatic. The annoyance, misery and excitement are there to get your attention and offer you clues about the state of your life, your thoughts, and what you should do next. When you learn to read the messages your emotions send you, you can literally coach yourself to higher levels of happiness and success.

After reading this, I figured it was time to be honest about my emotions.  It was time to ask myself, “What message is being offered to me right now?”.  Have you ever really sat down and thought about it?  If you are like me, emotions were just an expression of what I was feeling inside.  Something I usually had to get over.  I am finding as I struggle with my memory, many times I seem to be emotion-less than SMACK, I am like a broken damn overflowing.

As I journaled my feelings this morning, I came across a list from Valerie Burton from her book What’s Really Holding You Back?  Here is her cheat sheet of common emotions and the messages they send us:

Anger: A boundary has been crossed. Perhaps it is time to set stronger boundaries or protect yourself from trespassers.

Guilt: You believe you’ve done something wrong. Maybe it is time to apologize … or maybe you’ve done nothing wrong and you need to reset expectations.

Jealousy: There’s something you wish you had in your own life. Perhaps it is time to be grateful for what you have … or start creating a situation that reflects your heart’s desires.

Disappointment: Your expectations weren’t met. Maybe you need to adjust your expectations.

Burnout: You’ve exhausted your mental and emotional resources. It is time to restore your energy and fill your tank back up.

Sadness: You’ve experienced a loss, whether the loss of something/someone you had or the loss of the vision you thought you were going to have. Give yourself time to acknowledge and mourn your loss so you can move forward again.

Anxiety: You fear danger is looming in the future.

Excitement: You are experiencing something that energizes you. How could you savor it and perhaps even create more of that in your life?

Okay, so how are you feeling this morning?  I can tell you I am a mix bag of emotions including guilt, jealousy, disappointment and sadness. Kind of a hot mess, right?  The truth is despite the mess, I am working hard to not allow emotions to rule me.  I am trying to heed the lessons and move on.

Think about your day, does the outcome of your day depend on the emotion you are feeling?  Feeling excited about something (new business, new relationship, new outfit, whatever) and the day is full of positive energy and wonderful things.  Feeling guilt for eating too much, not working out, overspending, lashing out at a friend or family member – the day becomes full of negative energy with nothing going right.  This is when we let our emotions rule our day/ life.

Now, acknowledge the emotion you are feeling.  Listen for the message it is trying to send you and then use it as an opportunity to grow.  Bless and Release.  Remember the Universe is waiting to respond to the thoughts you have.  Negative thoughts bring negative things.  Positive thoughts bring positive things.

Today, I am challenging to you to acknowledge your emotions. Then listen to what they are trying to tell you.  Then decide what action will you take as a result of the message?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Business Tips and Tricks, Unclutter Your Life

Fear is Growth

“Your largest fear carries your greatest growth.” ~Unknown

This quote is so powerful.  Think about what your greatest fear is or was.  I don’t mean the fear of spiders or of roller coasters. I don’t even mean the fear of losing a loved one.  I mean what is your deep down deepest fear.  What is the thing that keeps your from reaching your full potential?

A tough question especially for a Friday when you are thinking about the weekend and relaxing, right?

If you can’t think of something you are afraid of, think about a fear that you overcame.  Maybe it was speaking in front of a group.  Maybe it was confronting someone who said or did something unkind to you.  Maybe it was stepping out of your comfort zone.  Maybe it was leaving an unhealthy relationship.  We have all conquered fear at one time or another – large or small.

Fear can be a paralyzing thing.  It can take you from confident and self-assured to a pit of misery and self-destruction.  It can create a mental suffering that effects every aspect of your life.  Fear can take a strong woman and reduce her into a self-pitying, vulnerable little person.

Now that you remember that fear that you conquered, think about how good it felt when you overcame it.  When you stepped out of your comfort zone and succeeded.  When you spoke in front of the group and were applauded.  When you left the unhealthy relationship and gained your life back.

How did you feel?  Did you feel like you left a heavy weight behind?  Did you feel like you had just won one of the hardest battles and now it was over?  Did you feel as light as a feather?

Do you feel stuck in the past or terrified of the future?  Is there a fear that is keeping you from being all you can be?

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Here are some lessons I have learned that might help you in your battle against fear.

1. Take responsibility for your feelings.

We live our lives thinking others cause our discomfort and unhappiness. When the truth is that YOU are the writer of your own story.  Take responsibility for feelings like anger, sadness, or jealousy.  It may be difficult, but the truth is that no one else can control what you think or feel.

2.  Deal with the present moment.

You may dislike the way a certain person or situation makes you feel and you can try to distance yourself from it, but you can’t distance yourself from your own feelings. Where you go, they go.  Ignoring your emotions won’t make them go away.  Create a healthy output for unwanted emotions (i.e.: dancing, painting, writing, singing), you will be amazed at how it changes your perspective.

3. Trust fear.

Fear only exists within the mind; it does not exist in the world outside of us. It’s an imaginary barrier we create for ourselves, a barrier that usually appears right before something great is ready to take place in our lives.  When we make the choice to confront our fears there is a reward waiting on the other side. 

So, what fear are you ready to conquer so that you can move forward in the New Year?

FEAR

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Hope Wissel

Celebrate Negativity

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Are you struggling with your direct sales business?  Are parties becoming more difficult to book?  Do you feel like you are tapping the same people all the time?

As a result, are you frustrated, or having self-doubt, discouraged or maybe even a little depressed?  Have you resorted to comparing yourself to others?  Maybe you have said “I am just not good at sales” or “I guess I picked the wrong company”.

The truth is that your negative thoughts are affecting your ability to communicate clearly.  Those same thoughts affect your motivation, your perspective, your ability share (not sell) or even notice when there is an unexpected opportunity.

Negativity takes many forms.  For those of us in direct sales who rely on our people skills to build our business – our state of mind is directly proportional to our results.

I know, saying “eliminate negativity” is sometimes easier said then done, right?

Think about the times you feel positive.  You are optimistic.  You have clarity and can see your vision (or why).  You enthusiastically interact with others.  Best of all, you’re in a much better place to influence and lead others.  So monitoring your emotional state is one of the keys to success for many with a home based businesses.

I have just spent a week “celebrating” my anger/frstration.  I know crazy, right?  It was an exercise from abundance coach Eryka Peskin.  By celebrating our anger and frustrations, we gain a clue to our desires.   That was powerful for me.  Our anger (and negativity) is often triggered when our desires aren’t met…or when they’re actively disregarded or devalued. If you’re angry (or negative) about something, it’s a great opportunity to explore it and figure out EXACTLY which of your desires aren’t being met..AND what you can do to change that.

So, when you are experiencing negativity – STOP and name the type of negativity you’re experiencing.  Is it fear, judgment, impatience, etc.?  This is the hardest part because we are usually so caught in what provoked our feelings that we can’t see anything else.

Now that you have recognized it, what made you negative?  Identify the desire that you wanted.  Was it more income, more girl time, to have me time, etc?  What was your desire that was not met?  State your desire!

Next is to “Have compassion for yourself and that you experiencing this”.  Don’t judge yourself for being negative!  By judging yourself, it will only make it harder to move forward and take some positive steps.

Celebrate the negativity, identify the desire and make a plan to reach that desire.  Give yourself a mental hug. Or get someone to give you a hug. Or both!  Take a few deep breaths and relax.

When you replace the negative thoughts with a clear vision of  your desire, it will be natural to stay positive.  There may be some side effects of the negative feelings so you will need to focus on the new vision.

This simple formula of celebrating the negativity so that you can identity your desires has helped me to get back on track.  Maintaining a positive attitude will allow you to function at a higher level of effectiveness in your business.

Here is an example:  I celebrate that I am disappointed in my sales and bookings for the last few months.  I have a desire for a successful business and to do that, I desire structure that allows me to connect with people.

Celebrate your negativity today along with YOUR desire – share them with us!

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!