Father’s Day is a celebration honoring fathers; celebrating fatherhood, paternal bonds, and the influence of fathers in society.
Father’s Day this year will be different. For the last 26 years, we have spent Father’s Day with my dad. It was one of dad’s holidays when Belinda was growing up. This year, I’m at a loss. A void in my life which I feel on so many days. It is weird, dad and I could go for weeks without talking yet just knowing he was there was okay. In an instant, he was gone. Heaven gained an angel on April 15th and there is a hole in my heart I struggle to fill.
Life with my dad had its ups and downs. Growing up was filled with family vacations and holidays. MS has taken many of those memories away but we have told the stories many times but truly remembering is tough. There are flashes some days but they are few and far between.
Dad was a HAM radio operator and I always had the BEST reports in school because he would reach out to friends far and wide for their help. He bought me my first car for $100 and spray painted it blue. It was a stick shift, so he had to teach me – a true experience. The Chevy Nova lasted a long time and held many memories. My junior year, he and my mom, cooked breakfast for the ENTIRE Junior Class of Ocean Twp HS after the prom.
Dad’s battle with alcoholism and those demons brought some really rough times. When my parents divorced, I was angry and hurt. I wanted nothing to do with my dad. On Pop-pop’s death bed, he told me “it is time to forgive your dad”. I wasn’t ready but every once in awhile I would get a nudge from my Weston angels it was time. I never listened and it will be one of the regrets of my life.
My drug addiction brought us together and it was a gift. My dad came to visit which was the first time we had spoken in 16 YEARS! He found out where I was and he traveled to Pennsylvania to see me. It is when the healing began. No judgement. No questions. Just ready to fill the gaps of the missing years.
What a blessing it was to have him walk me down the aisle the day I got married. He was the proud father as he walked me down the aisle. A rough day for him due to health issues but one he would not have missed to anything.
I love this picture (even though we are missing some of the family bush). We have always said, it isn’t a family tree – it’s a bush and it was a blessing to have 4 generations in the same picture which is not always an easy task.
I miss you Dad!
So today, I will spend time with hubby and cherish the memories. I know my angels – dad and pop-pop – are enjoying the day together.
Take a moment today and thank the “fathers” in your life. Some may be your biological dads, your adopted dads, some may be your friends dad’s, some may be a man who helped to shape your life – whoever it is, THANK them. They have given you many blessings. Remember blessings are sometimes in the form trials and it is all of those things which make you the person you are today.
Have a ThirtyOne-derful day.