How It All Started: Bullying – The Visible vs the Invisible

I know it is Tuesday and we usually do a Tastefully Tuesday BUT this is a milestone for me.  I swear it has been longer BUT the internet doesn’t lie, right?  LOL.  So, 9 years ago today I took the first step towards blogging.  For those who don’t know the story………it was a challenge issued by the AMAZING Vanessa Coppes to step out of my comfort zone.  Well, I did it!  It was the start to a daily  blog posting for many years.  Since MS, I have cut back to about once a week but I’m excited to be writing again.

My heart breaks that this still goes on today.  Bullies come in all shapes & sizes; young & old.  If you know someone who is making you uncomfortable in your surroundings (home, work or neighborhood)… guess what you are being BULLIED!  No one deserves to live like this…. With the advancement of social media, the bullying techniques have changed; sadly it now is more prevalent than ever before.

This is MY first every blog post… yes there are grammar mistakes, yes there are some typos.  I didn’t change anything about it because it was from the heart ❤ and I wanted to share my heart with you………

I just wanted to share how “bullying” can be hidden by our children. It doesn’t mean you are a bad parent, it just means that you may have taught your child coping skills to help deal with the bullying from school mates. Bear with me as I share some background information..

As a single mom for 14 years who worked full-time trying to provide all of the things that I had when I was growing up and more for my daughter, Belinda. Isn’t that every parent’s wish – to give their child more?  I moved to a double wide trailer in a trailer park in an area that had a good school district, lots of children my daughter’s age and it was affordable.  My daughter was involved in a lot of activities outside of school – first competitive gymnastics, then field hockey then all-star cheering. This was my way of making sure Belinda stayed away from the “wrong crowd”. She went to public school until she was a Sophomore in HS when she asked to be changed to a private Christian school where our Pastor’s family taught and went to school. Her reasons made sense so we juggled the budget and Belinda graduated from Pilgrim Academy – smiling, happy, ready for college & still living in the trailer park. Belinda traveled 13 hours to go college – Western Carolina University. I was heart-broken that she was so far away but after the first semester, she excelled – graduated with honors in the Honors College program.

Here is when the “clueless mom” found out what had really been happening…My daughter is a social worker that loves working with troubled kids. As she was preparing her applications for grad school for her Masters in Macro-Social Work, she had to write some essays as to why she felt she would belonged in this field. Since I am a grant-writer, she asked me to review her essays (like she usually did) to check grammar, etc. This is when I found out the “horror” of my daughter’s school years….

Belinda recounts many tales of verbal abuse from school mates because we lived in a trailer park that as the years passed became like the “projects” of the Township. She only invited her closest friends back to our house for sleep overs, parties, etc. I never really thought about it since I was working, juggling her activities and making sure that her homework was done. The truth was very few parents wanted their children to come over because of where we lived – not necessarily our home but the neighborhood. Belinda talks about how people used to call her “trailer trash”. The outside sports activities along with my example of what a strong woman could do is what she attributes to her success. Some called her a “snob” because she was involved in outside sports.  Then when she became active in church, more verbal abuse came.  Some of her friends from the trailer park fell into the lives that people expected – sexually active, lots of unsupervised parties, drugs, alcohol and more. I was blessed, Belinda didn’t do any of that. 

Many believe that if I was clueless about the verbal abuse, I would be clueless about everything else…My daughter and I had and still have an amazing relationship. When I asked her why she never told me, her response “I didn’t want to hurt you because I knew you were doing the best you could. The material things didn’t matter because you were always there for me”. My daughter has amazing attributes – self confidence, speaks her mind (sometimes without tack) and is forever looking to help the underserved youth in her community.  She tells me on a regular basis how she hopes to accomplish all that I have both professionally and personally. 

I wanted to share this to let people know that bullying isn’t always visible, it can happen to any child. As I travel back to our old hometown, I look around and ask my husband – was I that “clueless” about what life was like. His response is always the same – “You did what you had to do to make sure that Belinda had everything she needed even if it wasn’t always what she wanted. As a result, she is a bright, intelligent & confident woman who wants to take on the world to make it a better place”.

Thank you for taking the time to read this….share this with someone who may need to know they are not alone….

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

What is Your Passion?

The New Year triggers LOTS of talk about setting BIG goals, and following your passion.  So, what are you passionate about?

Passion is defined as: a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something.

 

Sadly, for me……I feel like my MS has stolen this from me.  😦  I have always kicked off January excited about what the year would bring…. Over the years, my passion for things has changed – I have to admit I don’t think I was really passionate about anything (or at least I don’t remember) until I started volunteering with the South Jersey AIDS Alliance.  That is when I started to understand what the word passion was all about.  My passion for those infected and affected by HIV/AIDS continues even 25+ years later.  It may not be as evident now but there was a time when everyone knew it was my passion. Then my passion became a larger group of underserved populations (the homeless, the underemployed, etc.) when I began working for Bethel, a non-profit with a soup kitchen, food pantry and many other programs.  Making a difference in the lives of people was what I wanted to do……

Then Thirty One entered my life.  In the beginning it was just a hobby then it became a passion. Sparks are flamed by my hostesses, my customers and my team.  it brought in a steady income and allowed me to make a difference in the lives of others.  Now, 10+ years later, my passion seems to be smoldering.  As I kick off the new year…..I can’t seem to latch on to a goal or get excited.  I still LOVE ❤ ThirtyOne and the life it has given me yet I am struggling.  I know I can still make a difference, but I need to figure out how.

Did I let Satan steal my passion?  Or is God leading me towards another path?  You may know what I mean – those days when nothing feels right, no excitement or joy in what you are doing, just kind of going through the motions.  These days I always wonder…….is this an MS thing, or a recovery issue?  I ask for guidance and yet nothing comes, WAIT, right?  God’s time, not mine.  Can I stamp my feet & throw a tantrum?  Will it get me the answers?  LOL. Probably not.  I feel like it would take longer to hear them.

I’m enjoying cooking again – the new bigger kitchen combined with trying new recipes created the spark.  I don’t always understand how you can be creative when you have to cook dinners every night?  I never knew how good I had it.  When Belinda was growing up, it could be the same thing multiple nights since there was always a practice (gymnastics, field hockey or cheering) to rush off to.  When I moved in with hubby, he worked night shift so I only needed to cook 2 meals per week.  Yes, I was spoiled and didn’t even know it.  LOL.  Fast forward to retirement and a BIG (okay big for me) kitchen and I am enjoying trying new things and sharing about them.  Is it a passion?  Who knows – some days it seems like it and then some days it seems like a chore?

Creating angels and sewing has become another new escape.  I am exploring.  I have the Etsy store which does okay and I am booking craft shows on a limited basis for the spring.  Creating sparks another part of my brain which helps with my MS issues too.  I also love hearing the stories of why people pick certain angels as they talk about family and friends.

Working through the steps in my recovery, and learning about me is an ongoing journey.  I’m reading again too – light things which don’t take much thought.  I’m learning MS has stolen many of my emotions and feelings while in my addiction I stuffed the feelings.

I came across an old link from John Maxwell’s word of the day which was PASSION.  Click the link to hear him talk about this AWESOME word. it will definitely trigger some thoughts…

Whether it is your business or something in your life……. I ask you again – what are YOU passionate about?  I would love to hear about it.  Share your passion with us.

Have an Epic  day!

Counting My Blessings

It is hard to believe it is December and MANNNYYY months since I wrote a blog post. If you believed retirement was filled with empty days, you are sadly mistaken. LOL. The days whirl by and I wonder what actually got accomplished.  

Thanksgiving was full of mixed emotions…. Belinda came home with the 3 grand fur-babies (Everest, Turner and Zoe). It was 5 days full of family, fun and craziness. We opened our doors to new friends who had no place to go for the holiday.  There was  the sadness of my step-dad not being with us and remembering his love for my green bean casserole last year. Of course with the craziness usually comes an MS episode – this season was no different. I’m not sure how to describe it other than my body just decides it is time to STOP!  Because obviously, I have no shut off switch.  I did make progress letting the girls help in the kitchen with cooking and cleaning up.  The episode started with dragging my left foot and ended with me in a chair unable to process thoughts, tingling throughout my body and barely able to move. So as everyone else was working on projects, I stayed home and dog sat. Grateful to have a house full of fur baby love.

As we move towards Christmas, another set of emotions emerge. As my daughter says “we aren’t good with feelings“.  How true BUT I am learning to deal with them one day at a time because they pass in the blink of an eye.  The tree is up and I spent a few hours trying to remember the meaning of each ornament.  In the past, the frustration would bring tears and a total melt down.  This year, I embraced each memory  no matter how small and the ones I couldn’t remember went back in the box for another time.  I made the decision to focus on the positive – what I could remember – instead of beating myself up over the past and the lack of memories.  Grateful I had some no matter who small they were.

Yes, these may be mindless ramblings to some but to others it will be the words they need to know they are not alone.  The comparison games we play, are only in our heads.  We really aren’t the center of most people’s thoughts. The negative self-talk can be stopped with a simple change – find a positive and focus on it, no matter how small it may be.  If you caught yourself BEFORE you picked up the “bat” to beat yourself up with negative talk…. you are a WINNER! 

There are some new things coming in 2022…… new angel designs, an epic life with clean eating so lots of new recipes and yumminess, and some surprises. My plan – always subject to change – is to blog a little bit more and try to be consistent.  The key word for me is “try” so I don’t become obsessed with it and stress myself out. 

I plan to spend December being in the moment….. counting my blessings, and enjoying family and friends which is definitely new for me.  Yes, 3+ years in recovery and I am finally learning to live in the moment.  Trying to follow God’s will for my life even if I can’t see it or don’t get it.  I know he shows me glimpses of things along the way, if I am paying attention.  There may be struggles – MS episodes, tears over those we have lost, feelings of frustration, feelings of loneliness, and fears may creep in BUT it is okay.  They will pass and life will go on.

 

I am grateful for those who continue to support my journey and my small businesses.  I am blessed by those who take the time to read my blog and keep me in your prayers.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a joyous holiday season.  

 

 

A 10 Year Journey Of Faith

February 7th, 2011 was the first time I talked to Hope Shortt.  I had stalked her –  followed her on Facebook, read about her, and was inspired by her faith.  I knew what an amazing person she was BEFORE I had this conversation.  I told her I wanted to join her Thirty One team.

She asked me “what my why” was?  For those in direct sales, we always want to know from new team members, “What is YOUR why?”, right?   I was nervous.  Why?  Because I honestly had no clue.  But in my true people pleasing style, I told her I wanted to earn some extra money.  No big dreams. I mean I was a Chief Operating Officer of a non-profit, who had time for anything.  I wanted to share the products at vendor shows, had NO desire to do home parties and really was not interested in having a team.  The truth was, I didn’t believe I was leadership material.  Yes, you can laugh…I could run a non-profit, manage grants, write grants and manage a staff of 18 programs BUT I never saw myself as a leader.

Thirty One helped with the “recruiting” aspect since this was just one day prior to the FREEZE.  WOW, what a relief.  Vendor shows was something I loved to do since I had been doing craft/ vendor shows for over 20 years.  It was a great place to meet people AND share a product.  Hope listened and said she would be there to help when I needed her.  No pressure just support and kindness.

Over the next few months I shared Thirty One at vendor events – selling but still NOT booking parties.  I mean I had a full-time CRAZY busy job, who had time for home parties.  Then came the first TWO potential recruits.  OMG!!!  I was honest with both of them from the start.  I wasn’t into doing home parties and I was going to learn along with them.  Believe it or not, they still joined as soon as the freeze lifted and quickly qualified.  I was a Senior Consultant by default.  Then came a home office lead who wanted a HOME PARTY!  Panic set in… it was someone I didn’t know and I was clueless.  I had never done a home party.  I could do this… and I DID!  Of course, it would not have been possible if it weren’t for Hope and the rest of the Beacon of Hope team.

My FIRST National Conference in 2012 had me setting a goal and deciding I wanted to be in Leadership. I had left my full-time job due to health issues but I wasn’t going to let it stop me.  I set a goal to be Director BEFORE National Conference 2013.  The stats say those who go to national conference earn more – TRUE!  Those who go to national conference – PROMOTE – TRUE!  In October, 2012 I was DIQ and in January 2013, I was blessed to earn my $1,000 Director Bonus.  It was a whirlwind time filled with lots of emotions.

National Conference 2013, I was blessed to be joined by my daughter and members of the Rays of Hope Team as I walked across stage being acknowledged as a NEW Thirty One Director.  Tears of joy flowed freely all weekend.  I walked across stage and was hugged by Hope Shortt, my National Executive Director.

The next few years brought many changes – dealing with testing and diagnosis of MS, worrying if I was really able to lead a team, fear, lots of comparison game playing and more tears.  I even wondered at times if I could continue since I couldn’t remember the names of prints and products.  I’m grateful for an amazing group of customers who understood and have stood by me all of these years…

National Conference 2018 would be my last road trip to a Thirty One event with my momma by my side.  The travel, the overwhelming feeling of not being able to understand everything and the struggle to remember things would get to be too much.  The theme of “Make Every Moment Count” would stay with me for a long time.

Fast forward to 2020 when I seriously considered leaving my pink bubble.  I was overwhelmed, the joy had left and I couldn’t seem to find my passion.  I turned things over to God and decided with hubby’s help, I would follow whatever path he thought I should take.  It took a few months BUT I found joy in my pink bubble again.  I focused on my business, praying the things I did would help my team.  I stepped out of my comfort zone to do virtual parties which included a LIVE portion with BINGO.  No matter how many times I thought “this is my last month”; God had another plan and my team and I made the numbers I needed to remain a Director.

I still struggle with my “why” and learning to DREAM BIG.  Home parties are no longer possible due to health issues.  Vendor events have been gone for awhile with the new social distancing rules.  I step out of my comfort zone to do things I wouldn’t have done before – asking for virtual socials (aka parties), offering the opportunity and embracing the things I love about my pink bubble.

One of the biggest blessings from Thirty One has been regaining my confidence which I lost so many years ago.  The other is gaining a sisterhood of women who celebrate, encourage and even cry with me.  Yes, I have earned FREE products! Yes, I have earned a FREE trip.  Yes, I was able to pay off credit card debt & travel as a result of my commission checks!  Yes, I have found a sisterhood I didn’t know existed in my Thirty One sisters!  Yes, I have grown in my walk with God, learning to trust and believe his will will be done in my business!  These are all the things Thirty One has blessed me with…. Who would have thought a pink box filled with product could CHANGE MY LIFE.  Could it change your life too?

 

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Where Does Your Strength Come From?

My strength comes from God but he gave me an amazing momma to help me along the way…..

Have you ever wondered where you get the strength to go on? Or how you can be strong when others would have thrown in the towel?

I never really thought of myself as being strong BUT I knew my momma was…….despite LOTS of struggles, she came through it.  She continues to shine even on her worst days.  She instilled a sense of faith in me very early.  I know it is her faith which kept her going on the worse days.  Despite my bad choices and in my darkest days, I knew no matter what God had his hand on me and would take care of me.  I am grateful for the lessons she taught me.

Today is momma’s birthday………..

I won’t disclose her age but she DEFINITELY doesn’t look it. The last year has been tough but she has continued to remain strong.  It is her inner strength which continues to guide her even on the hardest days.

Let me tell you a little about this AMAZING woman… I have to admit, I’m grateful for years of blogging since I struggle to remember….

Growing up, Mom was always there.  She made sure our home was always open to my friends – I mean we were the house to go to after a basketball game or when there was no place else to go.  I may not have been thrilled but I was grateful I could pick up the phone and say – I am on my way with 2, 10, 25 or more people.  The house was always stocked with snacks.  After my Junior Prom, my parents made breakfast for over 300 kids.  Yes, the parade of non-stop kids through the house was a little more than this teenager was ready for but mom stood strong.

Off to college I went and there were struggles.  Freshman year, my parents divorced and it wasn’t easy.  I was in Rhode Island while mom was home holding down the fort.  Scrimping pennies to make sure I had a home to come back to.  They were tough years but we had fun.  She often traveled to Rhode Island for a weekend where we toured the mansions of Newport, shopped in Fall River and she even camped out in my dorm room.  After college, I headed home to work locally, moving back in with mom.  We spent countless nights walking the boardwalk in Ocean Grove.  Fast forward to my move to Egg Harbor Township and more years of rough roads.  In my addiction, I admit I pulled away and mom practiced some tough love but our relationship survived the test.  Along came Belinda and in the beginning there were struggles but through it all – mom was there.  She helped emotionally, financially and physically.  Despite some differences and hiccups in the road – she was there.

When Belinda left for college and I moved to Brick, it was a rough time for both of us.  Lives changed – I had a new hubby and the one hour drive to visit in Mays Landing felt like an eternity.  Then came my relapse and again mom was there.  She was there to help me through those early rough days.  Day trips to Mays Landing were done about once a month and there never seemed to be enough time.  Juggling travel up and down the parkway, MS issues, medical appointments, and life always seemed to throw us a curve ball.

Fast forward to 2020, when after a quick unexpected sale of the condo in Brick, hubby and I moved to Mays Landing.  Finally just 20 minutes away. Grateful to spend the holidays together, cooking in our new home.  Now I can actually stop by whenever I want or help out when something is needed.

My memories may be gone but in my heart I know I learned A LOT from my mom. She taught me: how to be strong when life is rough, how to save and budget (okay, so this lesson took longer to learn),  the importance of family and about being a mom.  She reminds me to believe in myself (you would think I would know this by now).  I can honestly say my mom is one of my best friends.

When you think about your qualities – strength, perseverance, or faith – have you thought about where you got them from?  We usually think they are a result of the bumps in the road, and they do help build strong character traits. BUT our family – parents, siblings, extended family – help to shape us as well.  They are the ones who help to mold us into the person God would want us to be.  Remember to thank them.

Mom, thank you for all you have done, continue to do and or always being there.  I love you!  Hope you have a blessed birthday!

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!