Are You Feeling Lost or Overwhelmed?

We have all been there at some point in our lives.  The moment when you feel lost, overwhelmed, or totally out of sync in your work/business and in your life. The moment when you feel uninspired, burned out, and unsure of what to do next.  What is a girl to do?  Ask yourself these questions and answer them HONESTLY so you can get back on track.

1. What’s feeling good?

When we feel out of sorts, this can be a tough question.  I mean, how do you really know what feels good when you are feeling lost?  Take a few minutes and think about: What you really enjoy in your business? What things are you loving in your life? What do you want even more of moving forward?

These questions will help you to see what is going right for you and as a result, help you reconnect to what lights you up.  Do you know the things which light you up?  Once you get super specific about what feels good, then you MUST ask yourself – how can I get more of these things?

2. What isn’t feeling good?

Now, the positive energy is flowing.  It is time to look at what is not working.  We look at the positive first so the negative doesn’t open the door for the inner gremlins to beat us up even more.  So, what is leaving you feeling drained, unhappy, and frustrated in your business and your life? What do you want way less of moving forward?  What sucks your energy?

Once you get a handle on where those energy leaks are in your life and business, you will be able to get super clear on how you can minimize the not-so-feel good areas in your business and your life.  There are going to be some unenjoyable things in our business and life – I mean does anyone really enjoy doing laundry or cleaning the house – but they have to be done.  The key is to see how we can change things up so we can find a balance between the enjoy and the don’t enjoy.  While at the same time, start eliminating some of the things which are totally sucking the energy out of us.

3. What are my core desires in my business and my life?

This is a great time to dream a little.  Think about what you want in your business and in your life? Do you want to grow your business?  Do you want to work less?  Do you want to connect more in your relationships? Do you want more self development? Do you want more clarity and momentum?

Get super specific about your core desires. Allow yourself to want what you truly want.  Listen to what you really want. Don’t just follow the crowd or let the expectations of others drown out your core desires.  These core desires will be your anchor as you move forward.  With every step you take in your business and your life, you will ask yourself, “does this align with my core desires?”.  If the answer is NO – don’t do it.  If the answer is YES – you will move forward.

4. What are my core priorities in my business and in my life?

Fulfilling our desire is wonderful but the reality is we still have responsibilities we need to show up for thus holding ourselves accountable along the way.  Ask yourself – what are the core priorities in my business and in my life?  Are there deadlines I need to meet? Are there relationships you want to invest more time in?  Do you want to prioritize your health and wellbeing?  Do I need to improve my money management?

Whatever your priorities are, you need to get super specific about them. Your core priorities just like your core desires, will become your anchor when you start to drift.

5. What distractions do I need to let go of?

When we are feeling lost, or overwhelmed, it usually means our focus and our actions are out of alignment with our core priorities, and desires.  Since you are super specific on what your core priorities and desires are, now we can review your current routine, workload, and what the areas are you are focusing on.  Ask yourself – what do I need to let go of?  What is just a distraction and isn’t serving me in my business or in my life?  What do I need to give myself permission to say no to so I can make more space for the things which truly matter?

Have these questions help you to find some focus but more than anything, have you given yourself permission to move forward in a way which feels most true to you?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

 

Let Go of the Need to Please

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” ~Brene Brown

It is Wednesday which means it is HUMP Day and Woohoo Wednesday.  It is the day we focus on US!  The things we like, the things we don’t like and the things we want to do better.

How many times have you longed to hear the words “you’re so nice”? Or maybe you wait patiently (okay, impatiently) to see how many likes you will get on a post on Facebook or Instagram.  Admit it, we have all been there some time in our life.

I remember moving to a new neighborhood when I was younger.  The same town but a totally different part where I had to make new friends.  I always felt like I wasn’t pretty enough or good enough or smart enough for the popular crowd.  Sadly, those people pleasing characteristics carried over into adulthood.  Crazy, right?I still have a habit of unconsciously putting a great deal of my energy into people pleasing. I keep the boat steady, navigating carefully so as to not make too many waves.  I dislike conflicts of any kind – mainly because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. It’s in my bones to be a peacekeeper. My comfort zone is melting into the background of things, being an observer.  I don’t want to make waves, cause trouble, or upset anyone.

All of these traits have left most people seeing me as a “nice” person. Have you ever wondered if this is really a compliment.  Is “nice” the legacy I want to leave on this world? Is it what I want to be remembered for someday? That I was “nice”? Actually – No.  Nice is sweet, accommodating and agreeable. Nice is polite. But nice does not describe what I or you believe in. It doesnn’t indicate where our boundaries are.

So what about YOU?  Is “nice” the legacy you want to leave behind?

Or do you want to be remembered as a strong and confident woman. A woman with a sense of grace and integrity.  A woman who is straightforward, authentic and very clear about her boundaries. A women who stands firmly in her own truth. A woman who has little concern about receiving approval or validation from others.  A woman who knows who she is and is completely at ease in her own skin. WOW!  I want to be her, what about you?

We need to be “authentic” and for some it is “the daily practice of letting go of who we think we are supposed to be and embracing who we are.”  We need to release our  need to please, and replace it with the courage to reveal our real and vulnerable selves.  YIKES!

#1 Reclaim your own authenticity.   To do this, we have to figure out when we are losing sight of it.  Resentment creeps in when I am playing the “people pleaser” role. It’s the first sign I am using too much energy worrying about disappointing others.

#2 What is causing the resentment?  Were you unclear about a boundary? Are you uncomfortable with a situation and you haven’t expressed your feelings to someone? Are you holding back you own feelings to avoid hurting another’s?

I have always loved to write – it is my release when it comes to stomping on the people pleasing characteristics, I tend to write a dialogue with myself. Try finishing these sentences and be specific.

1. I feel resentful because….

2. This means I haven’t been clear about something bothering me. Here is the blurred boundary…….

3. Here’s what’s okay with me….

4. Here’s what is not okay with me….

Believe it or no, when all is said and done my feelings of resentment and anger are not actually directed at another person. They are toward me. I am disappointed in myself for not staying loyal to my own values, for not giving myself the respect I so freely give out to others.

Being authentic takes courage. Learning to wade through the discomfort of setting boundaries takes risk. We risk disapproval. We risk being disliked. But I think the risk is worth it if we ultimately find respect for ourselves.

Are you ready to reclaim your authenticity. Let’s be brave, real and imperfect. Let’s be compassionate, kind and honest. Because really, aren’t these so much better than being “nice”?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

What Does Fun Mean to You?

Guess what day it is???? That’s right, it is HUMP day which means it is WOOHOO Wednesday.

I LOVE to celebrate!  I have found that by celebrating at least 3 things EVERY DAY, my perspective on life has changed.  I no longer hang out for hours with Negative Nellie or Doubtful Debbie.  I SQUASH those inner gremlins and send them on their way.

It has been a rough two months for me – health wise and with the JOB.  So I want to do some celebrating of things that are FUN!  When was the last time that you treated yourself to ANYTHING?  Maybe it was a bubble bath or that special coffee or maybe it was just sitting and watching the sunrise/sunset.  Maybe it was playing in the park with the kids?

Think about it… what is your idea of fun?  I have to be honest, for a LONG time I wasn’t sure that I even knew what FUN was.  As a busy working single mom, fun was doing things with Belinda.  Then the empty nest syndrome snuck in.  Left my full-time job, Belinda moved to North Carolina now it is just hubby and I.  We are creating our own NEW ideas of what fun is.  Sometimes we have FUN together and then there are times that we do things apart.

I absolutely LOVED Eryka Peskin‘s definition of fun: “By fun I want you to be frivolous. I want you to do things that have no other value other than making you laugh or feel good.”

Life is filled with LOTS and LOTS of stuff to do and it isn’t long before we push aside things that are fun.  I know it is intentional – life gets in the way.  Now, I know that some of you enjoy cleaning or cooking or running with the kids – to you that is fun.  But at the end of the day are you energized?  I mean what could re-cahrge you more than some basic fun.

 

I know that fun varies from person to person BUT I want you to figure out what’s FUN for you, do it, and celebrate it!  We are so worthy of having FUN!

Here are my three things to CELEBRATE having fun:

 

I celebrate that I spent an hour just working on a puzzle which at that moment I thought was a total waste of time BUT it was fun.

I celebrate that hubby and I watched a movie (I don’t even remember the name) but it was so dumb that I laughed out loud.  It felt good to laugh at something so silly.

 

 

I celebrate hanging out with friends.  Just talking and laughing over everything and nothing.

What are you going to do to have FUN today?  Share it with us so that we can all CELEBRATE together.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Accountability

Are you accountable for your actions in your personal and business life?

I am working through the NIV Leadership Bible and this week’s topic is Accountability.   I am a great one for working better when I am “accountable” to someone or something.  What about you?  Some would say that is the difference between a wage-earner and a business owner.

It is all a matter of perception.  Obviously as a wage-earner, you are accountable to the time clock and your employer.  I worked for others for the majority of my life.  I also had a taste of working for myself .  I prefer to work for myself – making my own hours, having control of the money that I make and the freedom to run my business my way.

So, the question is: as a business owner, what keeps you or me accountable?  Is it being totally honest with your hubby/ partner about the state of your business?  Is it reaching goals set by you and then sharing that success with the world?  Is it earning incentives awarded by the company? Is it hearing others tell you that you did a “great job”? Is it seeing the bank account grow?  Maybe it is tied to your “why”?

When it comes to accountability, what is the difference between being honest and being negative?  That is a fine line for me especially when my accountability results in not having the “expected” results.  Honesty is defined as: truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness. freedom from deceit or fraud.  Negativity is defines as:  lacking positive or affirmative qualities, such as enthusiasm, interest, or optimism.  So what happens when your truthfulness results in a lack of positive qualities?

Hubby is a wage-earner and always has been which results in him not always understanding my entrepreneurial side.  When I talk about what is not working in my business, he sees it as negativity as opposed to honesty.  Now, to give him credit, he has lived through my “adjustment disorder with depression” plus he had past bouts with depression so he is always watching for the “signs”.  Does your hubby/ partner support your business 100%?  If not, who are you accountable to in your business?

I have realized that my accountability partner needs to understand the direct sales business; they need to have traveled the road of good days and bad days; and they have worked through the struggles. Most important, they are where I will be in 5 years.  I am just putting it out there for the Universe.

Who is your accountability partner and what makes them right for you?  Share your ideas with us so that we can help others to find a business accountability partner that is right for them.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!