Loving Yourself When You’re Too…..

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” ~Henry David Thoreau

Last week, I had an AHA moment.  A moment when the brain fog lifted and I realized that I had to stop making excuses for why a few (okay, 20) pounds were back.  Yes, I could blame health issues.  The truth was that I was slowly slipping back into old habits that I had BEFORE I lost 100 pounds.

Yup, that’s me and my cutie of a daughter.  Mind you that picture is REALLY old but the truth is that there aren’t many pictures of me when I was heavy.

Back to the AHA moment….I needed to take control of what I could control – my eating.  I was repeatedly complaining about “gaining” or not losing weight as hubby’s weight kept going down.  The truth was, he was eating healthier and I was secretly eating junk!  Okay, so the truth is out, now I have to be accountable.

I wanted the capris that had fit so good over the last 2 summers to again fit.  I wanted the jiggle in my thighs to be gone.  I wanted the puffiness in my face to be gone.  There was no magic wand but there was that proverbial SMACK on the  head that made me realize what I needed to do.  It was at the moment that I opened my email to find an online special from Weight Watchers.  I didn’t delete it, I just let it sit in my inbox.  After a lot of prayer and thought, I did it!  I signed up again.

It was time for me to stop beating myself up and take some of my own advice…

1. Stop comparing.

Hubby loves me not matter what – I mean when we got together, I was on the weightless journey.  Over the last two years as I struggled with health issues, I was constantly comparing myself to others. I felt inferior because I hadn’t stuck to the program.

Once you stop comparing, you realize that you will always be too fat, too skinny, too tall, too this when you compare yourself to others.  The comparison game will kill your dreams before you even start. Know that you are exactly what you’re supposed to be—one of a kind and beautiful.

2. Change the way you see.

Have you had experiences where people you told you how pretty (or nice you look) BUT you thought you were unattractive? I have.  Where you say “thank you” and add “but I have….” negating their compliment.

Dr. Wayne Dyer often said, “When you change the way you look at things, things you look at change.” I know this is true because I often experience it in my life.

Focus on what is wonderful about you, whether it’s your kindness, generosity, or thoughtfulness.  When you focus on the internal features, the external features seem to start to sparkle with radiance.  It’s not that you changed—your perception did.

3. Change your thoughts.

How many times have you looked at a picture or a video of yourself and a barrage of negative self-talk dominated your thoughts? Those inner gremlins start to take over and before long they are in control.

How sad it would be if we allowed those negative voices to stop us from offering what we have to give: our knowledge, ideas, voice, gifts, our love, and more? We would be withholding these things from people who might need and benefit from them.

My Fierce Cheerleader and Abundance Coach, Eryka Peskin, has taught me how to celebrate those negative things so they no longer have control over my life.  Try it.  Step back and reframe those negatives into a positive.

You have so much to give (even if you feel like you don’t): your unique gifts, your experience, courage, ingenuity, creativity, and so much more. Don’t let the negative voices stop you from sharing what you have. The world (your neighbors, your friends, your grandma, or whatever your world may be) needs it.

The truth is, there will always be someone or some people who will find you undesirable or unlovable, but the world is also full of people who will feel the opposite.

Ultimately, the deeper truth you have to find within yourself is this: If no one loves me, will I love myself?  YES, I will love myself.

In the moments when I don’t like what I see in the mirror, I make a choice. I make a choice to give myself total acceptance and love for all that I am: the good, the ugly, and the bad.

Will you make the choice to love yourself when you’re too short, too tall, too fat, and too skinny?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

 

Be More Fearless in Life

FEAR!  We all have it.  For some it is greater than others.  For some, they simple hesitate for a moment and then keep moving forward.  For others, FEAR paralyzes them and they STOP dead in their tracks.  Which one are you when FEAR comes knocking?

Honestly, it almost depends on my mental state at the time as to which reaction I will have.  When I entered rehab to overcome my addiction, I was scared shitless!  I overcame the FEAR because the other option was even scarier.  When I first started blogging, I was afraid.  But I rose to the challenge and conquered the FEAR.  Health challenges have created a FEAR yet I continue to go to the doctor’s seeking answers, not knowing is not an option.  When it comes to my business, FEAR can paralyze me.  When it comes to FEAR in my personal life – YUP, FEAR paralyzes me (sometimes).

The result of letting FEAR control your life leaves us missing out on learning and growing as a person.  We miss out on meeting and building relationships with fabulous new people.  We miss out on being successful (whatever that means to you) in business and in life.

Here is how I try to live to avoid the FEAR inner gremlin:

COMFORT ZONES

We all have them.  We are the happiest when we “live” within the walls of them. The truth is that they hold us back. When we are in one,  our fears are always in front of us.  No matter what your fear is: flying, awkward silences (I HATE these), or being judged by others – you are being held back from incredible opportunities. What is the worse that could happen if you said YES to more to things and stepped out of your comfort zone?

You will soon realize that the more you say yes, the easier it becomes.  You become willing to step just a little further outside of your comfort zone each time.  Believe me, your confidence will GROW!

INNER GREMLINS

I have heard for years “You are your own worst enemy” and I never really understood it.  Then I met my Abundance Coach and Fierce Cheerleader, Eryka Peskin.  It was then that I was introduced to my inner gremlins.  An AHA moment.  It was then that I learned that my biggest enemy lived inside of me!  It was the only one who doubted me.  We all have inner gremlins within us who tell us we can’t and the difference is our response.  Do you have “what if’s”?  Take the FEAR scenario and play it out on paper or in your head.  Is the end result really that bad?

PEOPLE WILL JUDGE YOU

We’ve all been judged our entire lives and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it!  As much as we hate to admit it, we have judged others too –  it is a fact of life.  It is a waste of valuable energy that could be better spent elsewhere.  Wouldn’t it be better if we spent our time and energy investing in building a relationship with those who took the time to get to know us, to befriend us and to be there for us?

YOU DON’T WANT TO PLEASE EVERYONE

Are you a people pleaser?  Yup, that was (okay sometimes is) me!  If you are being yourself, you are going to piss someone off at some point and there is absolutely nothing that you can do about it. Opinions and beliefs differ from person to person, so you can be sure someone won’t agree with you.

“I can’t tell you the key to success but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.”

BE PROUD OF YOURSELF

You have heard all of the woulda, shoulda and coulda from a world that is constantly telling us who we should or shouldn’t be. Don’t be arrogant by sharing your accomplishments.  Don’t put yourself down because it makes us insecure. Don’t be too positive because that is setting unrealistic expectations.  Don’t be too negative because no one wants to be around you. We simply cannot win!  What if you were just yourself?  The good, the bad and the ugly!  We would love ourselves more and the Law of Attraction would find us others that love us too, just the way we are.

Who is ready to CRUSH your FEARS and get more out of life?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

What Does Fun Mean to You?

Guess what day it is???? That’s right, it is HUMP day which means it is WOOHOO Wednesday.

I LOVE to celebrate!  I have found that by celebrating at least 3 things EVERY DAY, my perspective on life has changed.  I no longer hang out for hours with Negative Nellie or Doubtful Debbie.  I SQUASH those inner gremlins and send them on their way.

It has been a rough two months for me – health wise and with the JOB.  So I want to do some celebrating of things that are FUN!  When was the last time that you treated yourself to ANYTHING?  Maybe it was a bubble bath or that special coffee or maybe it was just sitting and watching the sunrise/sunset.  Maybe it was playing in the park with the kids?

Think about it… what is your idea of fun?  I have to be honest, for a LONG time I wasn’t sure that I even knew what FUN was.  As a busy working single mom, fun was doing things with Belinda.  Then the empty nest syndrome snuck in.  Left my full-time job, Belinda moved to North Carolina now it is just hubby and I.  We are creating our own NEW ideas of what fun is.  Sometimes we have FUN together and then there are times that we do things apart.

I absolutely LOVED Eryka Peskin‘s definition of fun: “By fun I want you to be frivolous. I want you to do things that have no other value other than making you laugh or feel good.”

Life is filled with LOTS and LOTS of stuff to do and it isn’t long before we push aside things that are fun.  I know it is intentional – life gets in the way.  Now, I know that some of you enjoy cleaning or cooking or running with the kids – to you that is fun.  But at the end of the day are you energized?  I mean what could re-cahrge you more than some basic fun.

 

I know that fun varies from person to person BUT I want you to figure out what’s FUN for you, do it, and celebrate it!  We are so worthy of having FUN!

Here are my three things to CELEBRATE having fun:

 

I celebrate that I spent an hour just working on a puzzle which at that moment I thought was a total waste of time BUT it was fun.

I celebrate that hubby and I watched a movie (I don’t even remember the name) but it was so dumb that I laughed out loud.  It felt good to laugh at something so silly.

 

 

I celebrate hanging out with friends.  Just talking and laughing over everything and nothing.

What are you going to do to have FUN today?  Share it with us so that we can all CELEBRATE together.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

We Are Enough!

You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” ~Maya Angelou

Over the last few weeks, I have been stomping on some inner gremlins – the ones that I thought were long gone .  Being over-tired from working too many hours, health issues and being stuck on my weight loss journey AGAIN caused those gremlins to chatter.  They started to tell me how I should look and where I should be in my business. Yup, when they start chattering they jump all over to see what buttons they can push.   They started to tell me that I would be happier if I was thinner, prettier, more successful – you know the list, right?

The truth is that I am enough. And if someone else doesn’t see my worth, it’s okay. I am enough! 

My WOOHOO Wednesday posts are inspired by an amazing Abundance Coach, Eryka Peskin. She has helped me to see my worth.  She has helped me to find the beauty on the inside of me, instead of the just the beauty that is reflected in a mirror.

The truth is that losing five pounds or getting to my goal weight won’t make me any happier.  I have stopped identifying my physical appearance with my self-worth. I am not my weight, or my jean size. I am enough. I am me.

Are you wondering how an ABUNDANCE Coach helped me to crush those gremlins and change my thinking?  She showed me how to CELEBRATE all aspects of my life.  Today, we are going to CELEBRATE our body and the beauty of it. WOW!  Those groans are really LOUD!

Your body has allowed you to do amazing things. It provides the housing for our mind and our spirit, and its intricacies and functions are astoundingly amazing. No, I have NOT lost my mind. I totally get that you struggle with finding something that you LOVE about your body.  Every time this exercise comes up, I cringe too BUT each time it gets a little easier.

Here’s a few:

• I celebrate my beautiful brown eyes that allow me to see the beauty of the world and the changing of the season.
• I celebrate my wonderful curly hair that I am embracing to let the creative and natural aspects of my personality blossom.  It lets me shine without conforming to the world’s idea that “straight hair” is the best look for professional women.
• I celebrate the aches and pains that I have developed that remind me to take care of myself by eating healthier and resting.  I love that these aches and pains are helping me to take better care of myself.

We have so much to give, and we are perfect just the way we are.  Others may criticize and judge;  let them.  I want you to know that you are amazing and perfect just the way you are. Criticize yourself less, love yourself more, and you will be happier.

Now, I challenge you to do the same thing.  CELEBRATE your body.  Here is how I was shown to CELEBRATE:

Celebrations 1 & 2: 
Let the first two be celebrations of your magnificent body.  It can be things your body enables you to do, parts of your body you love–whatever brings you joy about your body, celebrate that!  (And I KNOW we can ALLLLLLL come up with two!  So do it!)

Celebration 3: If you have pain or illness, celebrate the pain/illness (<—I know this is so, so, SO hard)!

You may think it is ridiculous, but we spend so much time looking in the mirror criticizing than celebrating ourselves. See what a difference it makes when you start CELEBRATING instead of listening to the chatter of those inner gremlins.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

WOOHOO Wednesday!

The first thing I think about when I see “CELEBRATE” is the disco song – yes, I was a disco queen!  I begin to sing it in my head and immediately begin to smile.

I have been working with an AMAZING Fierce Cheerleading (no, not the sport) Coach, Eryka Peskin for the last few months and it has helped me change my perspective on so many things.  I want to share some of her wise words of wisdom.  How it changed my thinking from the “Negative Nelly” to “I am AWESOME”.

I met Eryka through some mutual friends and I have participated in TWO of her virtual Celebration Challenges.  Each time, I discover new things about myself while speaking abundance into my world.  It is all about changing our mind set…..

When we engage in the act of celebrating something, we allow ourselves to acknowledge its importance and the goodness it brings to our lives. We mark the significance of whatever it is we’re celebrating by recognizing and acknowledging it.

When we celebrate something, we honor whatever it is we’re celebrating…and that means we honor ourselves, too!

And that’s why consistently celebrating helps us cultivate a certain mindset, a certain way of being. Because it’s one way for us to create a lifestyle where we are consistently honoring ourselves and taking note of the amazing things that happen in our lives All. The. Time.

I have learned to celebrate every day, being grateful for just waking up and speaking abundance into the universe.  Did you sleep in a bed?  CELEBRATE!  Do you have running water?  CELEBRATE!  Do you have clothes and food?  CELEBRATE

Seems a little too basic right?  The truth is that by celebrating the basics around us we begin to appreciate the every day things in our lives.  We start the day out thinking positively and seeking abundance.  Okay, I can hear the grumbles already and that proverbial “BUT” that comes after everything we say we are grateful for.

I totally get that things can be rough – some may still be digging out of the 20+ inches of snow on the East Coast.  Some have have health issues, a rotten job, lots of debt, a bad relationship – we all have challenges.  But have you noticed that when you focus on the negative side of things, more negative things happen?

Have you ever noticed that when you focus on the positive aspect of things, you get more done?

One of the first things that I learned to celebrate was the basics in my life.  I celebrate those things in my life that I often take for granted:

• I celebrate having a warm home, with a roof over my head where I can take refuge.
• I celebrate that I woke up rested and ready to conquer the day
• I celebrate that I had a great cup of coffee that warmed my insides before heading out into the cold.

It’s easy.  Why don’t you try it?  I actually continue this “celebration” as the day goes on when Negative Nellie stops by by taking 5 minutes to do a gratitude break.  It clears my head and gets me back on the right track.

What is YOUR favorite positive mantra? OR share your celebrations with us?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!