Relax, Reflect, Recharge

I am Offended and Hurt

Thank you Kelly Balarie for today’s message…..

She put me down, right there in front of “all them.” Sure, it was subtle, but it was real and … worst of all, it wasn’t the first time. In fact, every time I encourage others around that one particular subject, she circles right back and shoots it down. You can’t get one thing past her.

Hmph! Well, if she’s going to put me down like that? Well…I’ll show her. I don’t have to put up with this.

I thought about leaving the gathering. But I didn’t. I just sat there, internally fuming, while externally smiling.

Later, when I got home, I wondered why I even bother speaking up, encouraging others or taking the risk to be open and honest. Women always hurt me. Like that one time I shared the vulnerable details of my heart, only to get word it was being passed through the meat grinder of women’s chattering mouths. Or the other time when I shared my hurt and it was misinterpreted and stomped upon by those around me. Or worst yet, when I shared about God and felt all the crawling judgement of others walking up and down my body.

The more I think about all this, the more the problem bothers me. And worst yet, I fear: what if the real problem is – me? Perhaps it’s not their issue, but my fatal-flaw issue. One I was born with. What then?

I must not be good. I must be unlikable. I’ll always have this problem.

When I look deep within myself, I see faults:

I sometimes seek to impress others.
I hate feeling like people aren’t approving of me.
I never want to be seen as one doing wrong.
I have a hard time when people disagree.
I feel like less of a person when I’m not adding value.
I feel worthier when God is using me for important things.

Yet, when I look a level deeper I see something else. Yes, I am flawed, but not fatally – thanks to Jesus. I say things wrong, but I am always wanted. I make mistakes, but I am always loved. I do need to say, “I’m sorry,” but I am always forgiven.

I am not the sum of what I do, but the product of how I’m loved by Jesus.

The same goes for you. Love pours out of you, because Love came for you and conquered all. He taught. He led. He bled. He died. He was buried. He rose to heaven. For you.

With this, we no longer have to create perfect love that demands perfect responses from others. Instead, we can rest in Him who is perfect love. We can trust His love to compel us. We can breathe deep and gain perseverance and endurance from the endlessly beautiful gift he extends to us. The gift called, “sweet relief.”

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day! 

 

Hope Wissel

Boost Your Confidence

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Do you know what day it is????  It is WOOHOO WEDNESDAY… a day to celebrate YOU because you are AWESOME!

Alright, it may be a little over the top.  Maybe today is not a day your feel awesome.  Health struggles.  Family issues.  Financial issues.  I know the list goes on and it is th0se negative feelings which eat away at our confidence.  I have been there (and on some days still am).  We are going to change your thinking today.  We are going to boost your confidence.  The results are going to be an amazing kick butt day.

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Do you know confidence is what turns your thoughts into action? It is impossible to be successful without it.  When you are confident, you believe you can, you believe you are worthy, and you believe you will ultimately succeed.  When those inner gremlins get in and create insecurities, your confidence waivers.   There are just a few shifts you can make to immediately boost your confidence:

#1 Open your arms. Sit up straight.

A simple step but it works!  Before we dive into shifting your thinking which will boost your confidence, let’s start with this: Change your body position.  The position of your body sends a signal to your brain about your state of mind. When you slump your shoulders or cross your arms, you are  protecting your heart and shrinking with a goal of being invisible. So right NOW, roll your shoulders back and lift your chin – this is a signal of your courage to be seen and be bold.

#2 Get a small win.

Self-efficacy – your belief you can accomplish your goal – can be built.  When your confidence waivers, set a small goal you know you can achieve and do it.  A small win boosts your confidence to go for bigger wins.  Instead of focusing on the weight you need to lose, focus on taking a walk or moving for 30 minutes.  Credit card debt overwhelming?  Set a small goal of paying off $250 in the next 2 months.

#3 Own your flaws.

We all have them because we are human.  We all make mistakes.  We have all been embarrassed about a choice or two we have made.  But here’s what matters: You’re still here and you’ve made a decision to keep moving towards your dreams despite your imperfections.  Think of it like this: “Yeah, I messed up and I’ve learned from it.” “No, I don’t have a lot of money in the bank, but I’m done beating myself up, and I’ve saving now. A little bit at a time.”  It’s not easy, but it’s honest. It’s freedom. Own your flaws. Don’t hide them. Get comfortable with your own imperfections. When you do, there’s no reason to hide. And people can’t use them against you. It’s a bold move freeing you to show up fully – just as you are.

#4 Drop the belief you need to know all the answers.

This was probably the hardest thing for me to learn.  Did you know one of the biggest thieves of confidence is the fear we’ll be found out – simply we won’t know the answer, won’t know how to “do” whatever it is we need to do.  The fear leaves you constantly anxious about messing up. What if you simply dropped the belief confidence is about knowing everything? What if instead confidence was about your ability to find the answer if you don’t already know it? With this new belief, the pressure to know everything instantly diminishes. Go into meetings and conversations with the attitude, “you won’t fake it till you make it”.  Be authentic. “I don’t know, but let me find out.”

What area of your life do you feel insecure?  When are you most likely to lose your confidence? Share your struggles and your tips with us.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!