I am Offended and Hurt

Thank you Kelly Balarie for today’s message…..

She put me down, right there in front of “all them.” Sure, it was subtle, but it was real and … worst of all, it wasn’t the first time. In fact, every time I encourage others around that one particular subject, she circles right back and shoots it down. You can’t get one thing past her.

Hmph! Well, if she’s going to put me down like that? Well…I’ll show her. I don’t have to put up with this.

I thought about leaving the gathering. But I didn’t. I just sat there, internally fuming, while externally smiling.

Later, when I got home, I wondered why I even bother speaking up, encouraging others or taking the risk to be open and honest. Women always hurt me. Like that one time I shared the vulnerable details of my heart, only to get word it was being passed through the meat grinder of women’s chattering mouths. Or the other time when I shared my hurt and it was misinterpreted and stomped upon by those around me. Or worst yet, when I shared about God and felt all the crawling judgement of others walking up and down my body.

The more I think about all this, the more the problem bothers me. And worst yet, I fear: what if the real problem is – me? Perhaps it’s not their issue, but my fatal-flaw issue. One I was born with. What then?

I must not be good. I must be unlikable. I’ll always have this problem.

When I look deep within myself, I see faults:

I sometimes seek to impress others.
I hate feeling like people aren’t approving of me.
I never want to be seen as one doing wrong.
I have a hard time when people disagree.
I feel like less of a person when I’m not adding value.
I feel worthier when God is using me for important things.

Yet, when I look a level deeper I see something else. Yes, I am flawed, but not fatally – thanks to Jesus. I say things wrong, but I am always wanted. I make mistakes, but I am always loved. I do need to say, “I’m sorry,” but I am always forgiven.

I am not the sum of what I do, but the product of how I’m loved by Jesus.

The same goes for you. Love pours out of you, because Love came for you and conquered all. He taught. He led. He bled. He died. He was buried. He rose to heaven. For you.

With this, we no longer have to create perfect love that demands perfect responses from others. Instead, we can rest in Him who is perfect love. We can trust His love to compel us. We can breathe deep and gain perseverance and endurance from the endlessly beautiful gift he extends to us. The gift called, “sweet relief.”

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day! 

 

Are You Being Seen?

Sounds like a strange question, right?  Aren’t we are all seen by someone?   But are we really letting people “see us” – the true us or are we letting them see the face we put on because of who “we think” they want to see?

It is hard to let ourselves be seen. To open ourselves up and let go of the fear of judgment, the fear of failure, and that dreadful fear of what people will think of us.  It is important for us to let others SEE us because it frees us from the fears that are holding us back from showing our true awesomeness.  It lets our gifts shine through.  It STOMPS on those inner gremlins that make us think small.

Want to overcome those issues of being small?  It will take a little bit of work BUT it can be done.  I lived with not wanting to be seen for years.  I let my need to people-please keep me from sharing my gifts and talents.  That has changed over the last year or so and these are the steps that helped me:

Step #1. Know, really KNOW, that you are unbelievably awesome.

We need to build your self-confidence.  I know it is easier said then done, right?  I have been there.  If you aren’t there yet, just have faith that you are indeed awesome.  I BELIVE in you.  My favorite thing to do when I am feeling “less than” is to CELEBRATE my accomplishments – no matter how small.  It could be getting up in the morning and taking a shower.  Make a list of your strengths, gifts and talents.  Keep them handy so that you can act on them!  Set small doable goals and make sure you achieve them!

Step #2. Give yourself some compassion.

You know that we judge ourselves the hardest, right?  Give your self a break.  Every time you start to judge yourself, read your strengths and gifts.  Give yourself some love and space. It’s okay!  Be nice to YOU, you so deserve it!  This may take some practice but baby steps will help.  Practice a little self-care – a bubble bath, a cup of that “special” coffee or tea.  When you feel special, it will be easier to show yourself some compassion.

Step #3. Let go.

Yes, I am singing the words to FROZEN.  Do  you know how amazing it feels to “let go” of caring excessively about how others see you? OMG!  It is an amazing feeling and life changing.  When you realize that you are changing your behavior based on how someone else might see you, breathe…and tell yourself to let go. It’s so powerful.  We have very little control over how others see us.  If we let fear run our lives, we’re giving the fear and that person power over us.  Don’t you want to control your own life?

Wouldn’t you rather be uncomfortable for a few minutes then let Negative Nelly control the rest of your life?  How many of your dreams will never be reached?  How many people will miss out on your gifts and talents because of this fear?

 

 

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!