What Do Your Emotions Teach You?

Happy Monday!  I don’t know about you but the holiday season always brings on a ton of emotions… some happy, some sad and some even angry. I know this is a weird topic for a Monday morning, just hope it touches someone’s heart.

Over the years, the holidays have changed so much for me.  They seem to have gone the whole range from happy to sad to depressing and then back to happy.  Okay, so maybe I have bumped back and forth between happy many times in between but each time during the road back, I have learned something.

Simply put my emotions are teachers.   The late Thomas Leonard, a pioneer in the field of life coaching, used to say.

Emotions are not there to simply annoy you or make you miserable or ecstatic. The annoyance, misery and excitement are there to get your attention and offer you clues about the state of your life, your thoughts, and what you should do next. When you learn to read the messages your emotions send you, you can literally coach yourself to higher levels of happiness and success.

After reading this, I figured it was time to be honest about my emotions.  It was time to ask myself, “What message is being offered to me right now?”.  Have you ever really sat down and thought about it?  If you are like me, emotions were just an expression of what I was feeling inside.  Something I usually had to get over.  I am finding as I struggle with my memory, many times I seem to be emotion-less than SMACK, I am like a broken damn overflowing.

As I journaled my feelings this morning, I came across a list from Valerie Burton from her book What’s Really Holding You Back?  Here is her cheat sheet of common emotions and the messages they send us:

Anger: A boundary has been crossed. Perhaps it is time to set stronger boundaries or protect yourself from trespassers.

Guilt: You believe you’ve done something wrong. Maybe it is time to apologize … or maybe you’ve done nothing wrong and you need to reset expectations.

Jealousy: There’s something you wish you had in your own life. Perhaps it is time to be grateful for what you have … or start creating a situation that reflects your heart’s desires.

Disappointment: Your expectations weren’t met. Maybe you need to adjust your expectations.

Burnout: You’ve exhausted your mental and emotional resources. It is time to restore your energy and fill your tank back up.

Sadness: You’ve experienced a loss, whether the loss of something/someone you had or the loss of the vision you thought you were going to have. Give yourself time to acknowledge and mourn your loss so you can move forward again.

Anxiety: You fear danger is looming in the future.

Excitement: You are experiencing something that energizes you. How could you savor it and perhaps even create more of that in your life?

Okay, so how are you feeling this morning?  I can tell you I am a mix bag of emotions including guilt, jealousy, disappointment and sadness. Kind of a hot mess, right?  The truth is despite the mess, I am working hard to not allow emotions to rule me.  I am trying to heed the lessons and move on.

Think about your day, does the outcome of your day depend on the emotion you are feeling?  Feeling excited about something (new business, new relationship, new outfit, whatever) and the day is full of positive energy and wonderful things.  Feeling guilt for eating too much, not working out, overspending, lashing out at a friend or family member – the day becomes full of negative energy with nothing going right.  This is when we let our emotions rule our day/ life.

Now, acknowledge the emotion you are feeling.  Listen for the message it is trying to send you and then use it as an opportunity to grow.  Bless and Release.  Remember the Universe is waiting to respond to the thoughts you have.  Negative thoughts bring negative things.  Positive thoughts bring positive things.

Today, I am challenging to you to acknowledge your emotions. Then listen to what they are trying to tell you.  Then decide what action will you take as a result of the message?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

SQUASH that Inner Critic

WOOHOO!  It is FRIDAY!  Who is ready for the weekend?  I know that I am!

We have all known people who are really critical, right?  The person who loves to point out when you gained a few pounds.  The person who points out your flaws and reminds us when we are not doing as well as others.  I don’t know about you but these are people that I tend to shy away from, so why do I let myself do that same thing.  It is the background “noise” that chips away at our confidence that leads to fear and doubt.

I have been blessed a part of a Celebration Circle with a Fierce Cheerleader, Eryka Peskin.  And now the author of an e-book called “50+ Ways to Jumpstart Your Abundance“.  The greatest gift she has given me is the ability to STOMP on my Inner Critic.  Here are some tips to CRUSH that inner critic:

1. Listen to your negative thoughts

I know, crazy right?  But the only way to silence that inner critic is to listen.  Better yet, CELEBRATE (or acknowledge) it knowing that you are worthy of so much more.  You can’t CRUSH the negative thoughts unless you acknowledge them.  Those negative thoughts usually stem from insecurities that have no basis in your life.  They are often even silly.  If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, why say it to yourself?

2. Get productive

Some negative thoughts are unwarranted and overly judgmental while others lean toward real issues that need to be addressed.  If it is a part of your life that needs improving – do something about it.  Don’t feed the fire of negative talk – take steps (even baby ones) to make the change.  Set goals and track your progress. Gradually improving yourself will replace negative thoughts with positive ones and ultimately CRUSH your inner critic.

3. Re-think how you see other people

Negative thoughts bring more negative thoughts and they can be toxic to your soul.  Ask yourself, am I critical and judgmental of others?  Be honest, we’ve all been there! If you are critical of others, you will be critical of yourself. Feeding into negativity will only come around to bite you in the butt.

4. Ask yourself this question

Are you not sure if you’re being too critical of yourself? I love this suggestion by Life coach Tony Teegarden.  Ask yourself this one question:  Would you say this to your five year old self? Would you tell your five-year-old self that they’re not smart enough, that they’re overweight or untalented? Of course not! You’d tell them to believe in themselves and that they can do anything they set their mind to. So, if you wouldn’t dare be so negative to your younger self, why do it now?

5. Remind yourself of how awesome you are

This is the fun part of our Celebration Circle.  I love that Eryka has us put a positive spin on everything in our lives that we may have once thought as negative. The truth is that sometimes the only way to silence your inner critic is to drown it out with positive statements.  Try giving yourself a little pep talk when you’re really getting critical.   I keep a list of my strengths handy so when the negative inner critic rears his head, I can read the list and remind myself what a strong, confident and capable woman I am.  It’s not about bragging, it’s about being honest with yourself about what you do well.

How do you silence your inner critic? Hope you have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Has Your Sparkle Dulled?

“It’s not your job to like me. It’s mine.” ~Byron Katie

I love this quote!

Does this describe you or at least how you view yourself?

I’m short. I’m stumpy. My inner thighs touch when I walk. My gums show too much when I talk. I have to change the way I look. Maybe then you’ll like me.  I obsess. I overanalyze. I get caught up in my head. I dwell on things I should let go. I can never simply go with the flow. I have to learn to be laid back. Maybe then you’ll like me.  I’m shy. I’m anxious. I’m dependent on reassurance. I ask for advice way too much. I look for validation as a crutch. I have to be more confident. Maybe then you’ll like me.

I lived my life like that for many years.  Looking for approval from others when the truth was, I just needed to like myself.  During a coaching session about a year ago, I was “given permission to be myself”.   WOW!  That was a scary thought because I wasn’t sure who that was – I was the preverbal people pleaser.

For many of us, we define ourselves by what we do or who we are related to. Growing up – I was Bob & Joan’s daughter. Florence & Harold’s granddaughter.  Edythe & Elsie’s niece.  At college – I didn’t know who I was. When I entered the adult work force – I was Hope – Security Supervisor or Social Worker. Then there was “I am Hope, I’m an addict.” Then as a mom – I was always “Belinda’s mom”. Don’t get me wrong – I wore each of my titles with pride because that is what defined me.

I was like an antique (yes quickly approaching 60) that had been covered many times with paint to change its color to match the environment that it was in.  Over the last year or so, I have begun to strip away the layers to see who Hope really is and I would say 90% of the time – I like me!

Being in direct sales, I again added a title to my name.  I had to be careful not to hide in the group but I had to let me inner sparkle shine.  I am no longer defined by the job title I have but I am now Hope – wife, mom, daughter, business women, life/ business coach, teacher, consultant, party planner and blogger. I wear many hats but now not just one of them defines who I am.  They are titles but what I want to be remembered for is

Giving myself away so others smile

If you met someone on the street and they said “Hi, my name is Hope. It is nice to meet you?” Would your immediate response be “XX, (your child’s name) mom? Or “XX, (your hubby’s name) wife? They are hats we where but they do not define who we are on the inside.  They may be the way that we know a person so it is an identification factor BUT it is NOT who we are on the inside.

Peel off the layers and find out who is on the inside.  Transform from the shabby chic antique covered with layers to the polished antique that shows its natural beauty.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

My Enemy

It is FRIDAY!  Are you doing the happy dance?

This has been a busy AHA week for me that hopefully will push me forward in all areas of my life.  For years, everyone has told me that I am my own worst enemy, can any of you relate?  Have you ever felt like the biggest obstacle to moving forward in ANYTHING (weight loss, business, life) has been YOU!  Has the self-doubt caused you to be stuck?  Here are some things that I have tried this week that may help you:

1. Stop comparing yourself.  This is HUGE!  I talk about it ALOT that the comparison game kept me stuck.  In the past, it has stolen my joy.  In my weightless journey, it has actually caused me to gain a few pounds back.  How do you come so far and then let a simple comparison throw you off track?  In my business, it was the “never be as good as” comparison that had me doing things like everyone else even when it wasn’t working for me.  I figured if they were at the top, I would be if I copied them.  The problem was there were other factors that came into play.  Your path is your own, it’s going to have so many ups and downs and highs and lows but it’s yours to embrace and enjoy. I’m learning to embrace mine, to trust in the process, and know that my success isn’t defined in comparison to someone else’s.
2. Remove negativity.  Everyone knows that Negative Nellie is one of my ongoing love-hate relationships.  There are days when she motivates me to prove her wrong while on other days, it is her negativity that keeps me stuck.  I have been working hard with a counselor/life coach to remove negativity from my life.  I am not advocating that everyone get a counselor but I am suggesting that you make a conscious effort to leave behind anything in my life that just drags me down – people, habits, or just your own negative thought process. I want you to choose to embrace positivity and quit wasting time indulging in the negative sides of life. Life is too short.
3. Silence that voice in your head.  We all have that little voice, right?  Admit it, that is the first step.  It is the  one that tells you that you’re not good enough, and the one that tells you that you’re a fraud and that you have nothing of value to offer the world. Hit the “RESET” button now!  You have to believe in yourself.  How many of us create work we’re passionate about and then second guess ourselves so we either don’t share it with others or we don’t ooze passion. It’s okay to not feel confident 100% of the time, but it’s up to us to move past that and know that we owe it to ourselves to stand by our life, our choices, and our work every step of the way.  Are you ready to stand by your life choices?
4. Stop wasting time. Do you avoid doing things?  Do you fear that someone will say no when you ask them to book a party or join your team, so you don’t pick up the phone?  I always say I am busy but I am sometimes just wasting time so that I don’t have to open myself up to my fear of not being good enough.  So quit wasting time. Start that project, make those plans, and believe in yourself every step of the way. Whether it’s work related, or a life experience you’ve been putting off for a while – quit the excuses, feel the fear and don’t look back, and make it happen for yourself.

So who is ready to LEAP into the weekend and overcome your obstacles?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

My Refuge and Strength

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1 (NIV)

Have you ever wanted something so badly and prayed to God that he would give it to you only to have the opportunity slip away?  Have you ever thought that if God really loved or cared for me, he would help me NOW?

I know that God is with me – even if I don’t hear him.  I know that he is there – watching. I struggle when I see the prayers of others being answered and mine appear to go unanswered.  I struggle when I pray (or ask for something) that I think is part of God’s plan only to loose out on the opportunity.  I struggle comparing my walk to other’s.

It is with God’s grace that I made it through my promiscuous life.  It is with God’s grace that I came out of my addiction.  It is because if God’s grace that I was able to raise my amazing daughter, Belinda.  With all of the grace that I have been given, why do I struggle now when the answers don’t come.

Did I believe that God had a hand in keeping me safe and bringing through my crazy life?  NO!  Looking back I can see his loving hand – the people he put in my life, the jobs, the nudges (okay so maybe they were shoves) towards him.  Yet today, I long for that refuge and strength.  Totally believing and trusting in him to take care of things.

As I work through issues with my life coach, I trust that there is a reason why things are not happening in MY time.  I know – everything in God’s time but how come we aren’t on the same page at the same time?

In my heart, I trust that God is right beside me protecting me… loving me… listening to me.  I just wish that I could hear what he is saying so that I could move a little quicker along this path.

He is the One in whom I find comfort and reassurance: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33, NIV).

He is right here with me in the midst of my trouble, I am not alone: “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1).

Sometimes God’s power is shown as much in preventing things as it is in making them happen. We may never know why. But we can always know and trust the Who.

Dear Lord, thank You for knowing what I need and what I don’t — even when I don’t agree. Help me see Your “yes” and “no” as protection and guidance. Today, I choose to trust You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

#god’sgrace

#blessings