An Unhealthy Sense of Responsibility

 Raise your hand if this is you…………. Do you feel like you have to deal with things, even things you have no control over?  Do you take blame for things even if you were not responsible?  Do you act independently when making decisions, even if you don’t have the “authority”?

Many would say those who “take responsibility” make successful leader but what happens why you take ownership of not just your tasks but everyone else’s?  There is actually such a thing as over-responsibility.  We know if you are managing people, a workload, or a household, not much gets done if you don’t take responsibility on a daily basis.   BUT when you become “overly responsible”, you could be sabotaging your schedule, your effectiveness, and the people around you.

As I wrap up things before heading out “super early” tomorrow morning for a week of my “pink bubble” with my daughter…. I am feeling overly responsible.  I am stressing and all of this stress is for things I have no control over!  I can set things up but the rest is in God’s hands and the hands of others.

If you stress whether people in your life will hold up their end of a task, so you step in to take on tasks, you are being over-responsible. Yup, I have been known to do this…

Do you suffer from any of these signs of over-responsibility?

1. You behave as though everything and everyone depends on you.

I’m not sure if I developed this trait as a child during a time of family struggles or if it came years later during my days of addiction BUT this is me.  Pride gets the best of me sometimes.  We are we are the one with all the answers, fixing every problem. Do you define yourself by this ability?

2. You answer questions for other people, instead of letting them answer for themselves.

If this is you, be honest with yourself. Why do you do it? If you stopped, what would happen? Whatever your answer, it’s the issue it’s time to address.  Thankfully, this is something I have already addressed in myself.  I love hearing from others.

3. You consistently remind the people in your life of their own responsibilities because they aren’t responsible enough to remember on their own.

OUCH!  There is a difference between harassment and gentle reminders of daily responsibilities.  Do you keep up with your schedule – and everyone else’s. I have a hard enough time lately keeping up with my own due to health struggles so others have stopped relying on me so much.  Have others in your life stopped taking responsibility for their schedule because they rely on you?  Do you hear more often than not “You never told me,” “I didn’t know,” or “Just tell me what you need me to do”?  Time for them to take responsibility for their own life!

4. You consistently do for others what they can do for themselves.

Yup, this is me.  The proverbial people pleaser!  Instead of reminders, do you just do it?  Are you stressed because of it? Have people stopped asking for your help because they just want help? Lending a helping hand is wonderful but when you take on responsibilities which aren’t yours; you stunt the growth of others not allowing them to live up to their potential. So instead of helping, you’re doing just the opposite.

5. You avoid confronting people as much as possible.

I am not good with confrontation (remember I am a people pleaser!)  So when you have to get others to change their behavior, it can mean strained conversations. Do you refuse to confront issues? If so, you might be allowing others to be irresponsible just to avoid having a conversation about boundaries.

6. You are resentful people feel entitled to your generosity.

You’ve been over-responsible for so long people in your life have come to expect it. You’ve trained them to rely on you for things which should not be your responsibility. And deep down, you now resent it. This is the sign which indicates the problem has been going on far too long.

So, here is my challenge:  Use the signs to identify when and who you are “overly-responsible”.  Consider both your personal, community and professional life.  Be honest with yourself.  What steps are you going to take to share the responsibility?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

The Great LuLa Road Trip

I want to introduce you to an amazing LuLaRoe consultant.  I met her through my Traveling Angels and she helped me coin the title “the Angel Thirty One” lady.  When I met Dawn at a recent vendor event, she shared with me her summer goal of “The Great LuLa Road Trip” and she helped me to brainstorm some ideas I am going to try as well.

Hi lula loving ladies! My name is Dawn Valentine and I’ve been a consultant since October alongside my boyfriend Greg. I first heard about LuLaRoe when my sister in law invited me to an online party. I bought some clothes out of obligation, which ended up not even fitting, and after putting on my leggings which were falling off of me I was smitten! Yes! With leggings that were too big, I was in love. I had to figure out what all this LuLa craze was! I had seen an advertisement for this beautiful Perfect T- black background with dandelion flowers. This quickly became my obsession and my ultimate unicorn. 🦄 It boggled my mind that the consultant didn’t have THAT actual shirt. What do you mean I can’t order it? Do you only have this shirt in this size? I was learning the allure of LuLaRoe. The limited prints and patterns and the HUNT was real. So I joined a bazillion groups and found so much more than clothes. I found a culture. Fun loving girls working hard to support their family. I thought to myself, “I can do this.” I loved it all- the games, the giveaways, mystery hostess. Every page always had something unique. Something exciting I wanted to be a part of. And that’s when I said to Greg, I want to do this! I can do this! And so we did it! And now here we are a part of the fun and the culture of LuLaRoe about to embark on a series of Pop Up parties from NJ to Florida, we are taking our love for LuLa on the road! You can follow our trip by subscribing to our YouTube channel LuLaRoe DMV. We will be vlogging our whole experience! Everything! From the moment we wake up, to each and every party to driving down the entire cost and back! It’s going to be amazing and we’d love to have you with us. And just for subscribing to our YouTube Channel, you will be entered to win a LuLaRoe wardrobe giveaway! Want to increase your chances?! Anyone who books a party with us this summer will get 5 entries! If you can’t have an in home, we also do online parties! Or maybe you know a friend who wants to have a party? We’ll give you two entries for that too! Help us share our love for LuLa! We have some huge dreams of being able to provide for ourselves with LuLaRoe and you all help us reach those dreams so thank you! Looking forward to seeing you on the LuLa Roe’d!!!!

Dawn’s goal was 10 parties on this road trip and she has booked 8.  She set a goal and went for it. Join her on Facebook and YouTube to be part of the fun.

Think about how you can take your business on the road.  Going on vacation? I know we all need them BUT why not have some fun meeting some new people along the way.  Staying at a hotel, have a trunk party or ask the hotel if you can use some space to share your products with guests.  Nothing salesy or pushy, just some fun.

Have friends or family along the route?  I mean we all have Facebook friends far and wide, right?  Why not offer them a home party or a theme party or a trunk party?  When was the last time a Facebook friend said they wished they lived closer to have a party?  I hear it ALOT!  Now is the time to take advantage of the situation.  How about a party on the go at a local restaurant in their area?  Think about the friends you will make the potential new customers.

Dawn and Greg are driving to Florida for vacation.  They are partying all the way down and back.  Not only with Dawn grow her customer base BUT she can also write off her trip as a business expense.  Yes, almost all of her vacation will be tax deductible.

I’m so excited to see how this turns out for them.  I’m thinking about my next road trip and how I can party along the way.  Headed to Atlanta in route to Florida for the Leadership Incentive Trip, maybe I can schedule a party or two along the way.

Got a unique idea on how to market your business?  Share it with us… Together We Achieve More so let’s help each other out.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Feeling Good about Jiggle Thighs

NO! This is not a picture of me….I have been on a journey to get back to goal weight since January.  Back to Weight Watchers, walking or moving more and I have been STUCK!  Well, the scale seems to move VERY slowly but those “jiggle thighs” don’t seem to be going anywhere.

I am looking forward to the Leadership Cruise in September so I am on a mission.  I am fighting playing the comparison game. I am fighting the gremlins who want me to be more concerned about what others will think of me than me loving me for me.  I’m sure I am not alone.  Swimsuit season is upon us or at least it will be VERY soon and it makes me CRINGE!  What about you?

I read a blog post on Women Living Well about learning to accept things.  It made me stop and realize I need to look at my “jiggle thighs” in a different way..

For as long as I can remember, I have had “bumps” on the top of my thighs. Yes, they have gotten smaller with the loss of 105 pounds but they are still there! I walk, maybe not as much as I could (or should) but you would figure loosing 105 pounds would have helped to get rid of them, right? Most of the time my clothes conceal them but I still know they are there. Of course you can really notice them as my waist continues to shrink and nothing is in proportion. Maybe this isn’t your problem area, maybe it is the “jiggle arms” or the muffin top or the roll our bra creates – no matter what we all seem to judge ourselves when we look in the mirror..

How about this thought….My jiggle thighs (or your problem area) are evidence of God’s goodness in my life! Sounds crazy, right? Mind you I never notice this or any other problem area on other people, just on myself. Most people don’t mention it – okay maybe an occasional child who is curious but why wouldn’t they be – I’m curious to know why God has blessed me with these wonderful thighs.

Jen Wilken said “The expectation of physical perfection hits modern females early and often. In middle school, girls cut themselves to deal with the pressures of conforming to the ideal. In middle age, women do, too—but allow the surgeon to hold the knife.” WOW! She then goes on to say “We carve the record of our self-loathing into the very flesh of our bodies—a self-marring, a literal carving of an idol. Increasingly, physical perfection is the legacy of womanhood in our culture, handed down with meticulous care from mother to daughter, with more faithful instruction in word and deed than we can trouble to devote to cultivating kindness, peacemaking, and acceptance that characterize unfading, inner beauty.”

Yes, I considered surgery.  We even met with a doctor to see what would be involved.  By the time we left, they had described a procedure which would cut me almost in half.  They would take out the cellulite and the excess skin from the weight loss.  The healing time would be several months.  Then he said “there is no guarantee the bumps won’t come back”. WAIT! You mean even after all of this, and sticking to my WW program there is still the possibility they may return.  I will admit, I was willing to take the chance.  Then after much thought, prayer and discussion with hubby – I decided against it.

So, every day I work on squashing the inner gremlins who want to torture me with lies about the need to have a perfect body or to be an ideal weight. It doesn’t mean don’t be healthy. It means strive for a goal reachable for you. I am learning to accept me for me – jiggle thighs and all – knowing I am beautifully made by God. Most days this is a tough pill for me to swallow.  I am not less than because it has taken me a “LONG” time to reach my goal weight. I am not less than because my body is not a perfect size 10.

Today, I am living in the hope, security and the arms of a Higher Power who loves me unconditionally. Give yourself a break today and know as long as you are trying your best – it is all God is asking of you.

For tips on healthy weight loss check out – Weight Watchers.

Have ThirtyOne-derful day.

Commitment Creates Miracles

Thank you Patty Lennon for the inspiration and tips for today’s post.

Every month I set goals both personally and in my business.  Sometimes they are achieved while other times they seem too far to even consider.  As many of you know earning Thirty One’s Leadership Incentive trip was a goal which had eluded me for years and this year, I was committed to earning it and guess what I did.  What was the difference this year?  This year seemed so much easier than the past.  The requirements weren’t any easier, in fact, some would say they were tougher.

Then I received an email from Patty which shed some light on to what it was which made the difference. So, if you are looking to change any aspect of your life this process has worked pretty consistently for Patty (and now for me).

1. Decide to succeed.

There is a goal you are striving for right now which is deeply personal and vital to you. Remove the possibility of NOT succeeding from your mind right now. This means each time you fall down, you get back up because any failure is temporary.

I wanted to earn this trip as a gift for hubby for our 5th wedding anniversary.  I wanted him to experience my “pink bubble” so he would understand why it is so important to me.  So, in my mind success became inevitable. I was no longer willing to NOT succeed. Which leads to …

2. Get Support.

When you are reaching for a goal you have not achieved before whether it’s growing your business to a new level, changing your health or improving your relationships you will do far better if you have help.  Who can support you in achieving your goal?

I shared my goal with my team, my customers and basically anyone who would listen.  They celebrated and encouraged me with each “star” earned.  My accountability partner pushed me to keep going even when Negative Nellie stopped for a visit.

3. Don’t Give Up.

Whatever goal is most important to you right now it is critical you not give up, especially if the goal is related to your business. In my business most things fail the first time – whether it’s a new message, promotion or marketing campaign. It is NORMAL.  Everyone falls down. Your choice (and the choice which defines those who succeed) is whether you get back up.  Everything is possible when you make the decision to succeed. No matter what happens do not give up!

So now LIT is earned, what is next for me and my business?  I will admit the last two weeks have been a struggle to get back on track.  I actually thought the roller coaster ride of earning the trip would keep me motivated but the truth is, it isn’t.  So I am working on a new goal.  Of course Thirty One has helped by adding another incentive – Wishes Come True…. 

I am going follow this same process again in my business.  PLUS, I am going to apply it to my weight loss journey to see what happens.  I am just 18 pounds away from being back at goal weight so it is non-negotiable.  I want to celebrate reaching my goal and not look back.

The truth is “the Divine will light your path with miracles to make it easier as you go.”  Send your positive energy into the Universe.  What is your goal?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Where Do You Stand?

Did you start the New Year with a set of goals?  Do you know by week 3 of the new year, most people have already tossed their goals?  Week 3, really?  We are winding up the last few days of January and I wonder where you stand…

I will admit, I almost tossed one of my goals for the year – Thirty One’s Leadership Incentive Trip.  Why?  Well, I let doubt and fear creep in.  I wasn’t reaching it the way I thought I would.  Crazy, right?  Then the other night, I was praying for my business and to see God’s plan.  Did I wake up the next morning with lots of sales? No.  But I had a gnawing feeling before I went to bed so I went and re-worked the numbers.  See, earning the trip wasn’t all about me and what I could do…. it is about helping others to reach their goal and as a result I would reach mine.  Yes, I have read Zig Ziglar’s quote a million times and maybe it finally sunk in.

“Something’s got to change!” Have you said this in January? I sure have. Maybe your original New Year’s Resolution doesn’t feel right anymore.  Now, I don’t mean it seems unobtainable so you toss it, I mean maybe it is not where you want to head personally or professionally.

One of my favorite bloggers, Glynnis Whitwer said it best: “It’s usually when I’m frustrated with myself for something I’m not doing. For example, my broken-record complaints focus on the same three things: losing weight, better managing my work load, and spending more time with people I love.” Does this sound like you? I feel like she is in my head….

The problem isn’t my effort; it’s my approach. Something has to change, I mean “If you do the same things the same way, you will always get the same results”.  I did a lot of the same things in January and I expected different results.

Did you set your goals and then proceed to approach them the same way as you have in the past?  As a result, the same results.  It is not our goals which need changing, it is our approach.  YIKES!   Change is a bit out of my comfort zone. It is difficult for me, how about you?  The difference is this year, I am not willing to change my goals or my vision board or to settle.  This year, I want to reach new heights, I want to gain some financial freedom, I want to GROW in my walk with God AND I want to spend more time with my family. WOW! A lot to get done and manage at one time, right?

So I am shaking up some areas in my life, with God’s help.  I tend to ask for help ALOT, give praise for all things but I have a hard time LISTENING for answers.  Here are two ideas I’m trying which might help you too…

1. Rather than trying to manage my emails by spending more time on them, I’m unsubscribing to lists. I’m scheduling time to visit websites and blogs. I’m setting time limits on Facebook.  Emails don’t need to be answered immediately and it is okay if someone has to wait for an answer.

2. I’ve become too inwardly focused, I’ve made a list of special days, activities, and places I want to go where I can invite others to join me. Hey, I could combine reaching out to NEW customers when I am out and about, right?

As we move into February, may we re-focus and re-energize our goals as we listen to the small quiet voice which speaks new ways into old habits.  Share with us how YOU are going to do things differently in February…

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!