Thankful Thursday: My Story

Today I am thankful for my story….

There was a time when I was Negative Nellie, looking at my past and not liking myself very much.  I’m sure I am not alone, right? My story is a bit messy – addiction, relapse, recovery, and a whole lot in between but it is the story which made me the person I am today.  There are days when I don’t like the way I look or sit on the “pity pot” because of circumstances BUT for today, I am grateful for all of these things.  I am even learning to like myself, a little bit at a time.

I recently re-read a blog post by LYSA TERKEURST entitled “Learn to Love Your Story“.  It is helping me to change my perspective every day but especially on those days when Negative Nellie comes for a visit.

She talks about loving your story – your life – being content in the moment and enjoying it! WOW!  This week has been an emotional roller coaster and I am not sure I even know why.  No major fiascos, no crisis – just little hiccups which quickly sent me on a road less traveled (okay so maybe it is traveled a little bit more than I want it to be).

It is strange but I can almost tell when I wake up, if I am going to love my story day.  Crazy, right?  Hubby always ask for a warning or a text alert message.  Thankfully, I am starting to share how I feel without getting snarky.  On those days I  STOP, take a breathe and regroup.  Praising and thanking God for my life… my story.  See I forget sometimes.  My life may not be a story book or full of lots of happy endings but it is MY story.  It is the life he gave to me.

Hubby and I were talking the other day about just this thing.  We were reminiscing about days gone by.  I have no regrets nor does he because it is because of those things we are blessed to be in each other’s lives today.  We had our struggles.  We had our heartache.  We had our joys.  Life wasn’t perfect but we got through it to get us where we are today.  The struggles still come but now we try to look at the differently – together.  I’m learning this time around in recovery, marriage is a joint effort and I don’t have to carry things all on my own.

Lysa talked about “pre-deciding” to LOVE her story.  NOTE to self: change my point of reference BEFORE the day begins.  Stop thinking about the “what if” and “predicting” what may happen in any given situation.

I decided I would look at it all through the lens of noticing the rich evidence of life through each mess and mishap.

Did I do it all perfectly? Nope, not at all.

But even if we choose to be noticers with thankful hearts just once today, we’ll start to look at our stories in a different way.

A more beautiful way.

So I whispered, “Notice. Be a noticer. See all the fun represented here and thank God for these moments.”  Noticers see the lovely in front of them and learn to love their story.

What might happen if you pre-determined to look through the lens of lovely today?

Thank you Lysa for reminding me to look through the “lens of lovely” today.

Have a blessed day!

Thankful Thursday: The Lens of Lovely

I  re-visited a blog I read some time ago by LYSA TERKEURST.  It changed my perspective on things a few years ago, and right about now, I could use a change in perspective when it comes to my weight and view of myself.  The blog was entitled  “Learn to Love Your Story“.  I am hoping it will chase  Negative Nellie away when it comes to how I view my body and my weight.  A change in perspective will help me get motivated and back on track to lose the few pounds I have gained…

Lysa talks about loving your story – your life – being content in the moment and enjoying it! WOW!  Most days I do love my life but then there are those curve ball weeks.  An emotional roller coaster and I am not sure why.  No major fiascos, no crisis – just little hiccups which quickly send me on a road less traveled (okay so maybe it is traveled a little bit more than I want it to be).  You know the journey with Negative Nelly where you struggle to see the light at the end of the rainbow?

Since starting my recover journey again, I can almost tell when I wake up, if I am going to love my story for the day.  Crazy, right?  Of course, I should carry a warning notice around my neck which was “STOP! NOT A GOOD DAY!”.  Send out a text alert to friends and family so they know to stay away.  LOL.  The reality is, on those days  I need to STOP, take a breathe and regroup.  The Serenity Prayer and the Third Step Prayer have become my go to for getting some peace in my life.  I need to then praise and thank God for my life… my story.  See I forget that sometimes.  My life may not be a story book or full of lots of happy endings but it is MY story.  It is the life God gave me or at least he tries to keep me on the right road when I take my will back.

Memories are hard for me.  But there are days when hubby and I talk about the past – reminiscing about days gone by.  I have no regrets nor does he because it is because of those things we are blessed to be in each other’s lives today.  We had our struggles.  We had our heartache.  We had our joys.  Life wasn’t perfect but we got through it to get us where we are today.  The struggles still come but now we try to look at the differently – together.  I am grateful for the times he helps me to remember by playing a song or sharing a picture.

Lysa talked about “pre-deciding” she would LOVE her story.  NOTE to self: change my point of reference BEFORE the day begins.  Stop thinking about the “what if” and “predicting” what may happen in any given situation.  I am learning to live in the moment thankful for being able on some days (working towards all days) to live without expectations.

I decided I would look at it all through the lens of noticing the rich evidence of life through each mess and mishap.

Did I do it all perfectly? Nope, not at all.

But even if we choose to be noticers with thankful hearts just once today, we’ll start to look at our stories in a different way.

A more beautiful way.

I remembered our key verse, Philippians 1:3, where Paul says “I thank my God every time I remember you.” I have plenty of reminders each day to thank God for the people in my life. To rejoice over every piece of my story. Starting with those shoes.

So I whispered, “Notice. Be a noticer. See all the fun represented here and thank God for these moments.”

Noticers see the lovely in front of them and learn to love their story.

What might happen if you pre-determined to look through the lens of lovely today?

Thank you Lysa for reminding me to look through the “lens of lovely” today.  What are you thankful for today?  Share it with us so we can all celebrate together.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Choose Your Own Direction

WOOOHOO!  Do you know what day it is?

Yes, it is still HUMP day even though it is a short week for most people since Monday was a holiday.

For those who read my blog often, you know I am a HUGE fan of Carrie Wilkerson and Lysa TerKeurst.  Put the two together and talk about motivation….

Lysa TerKeurst shared this quote recently:

‘You steer where you stare.

Okay, we all know this in our head, right?  Think about when you were learning to drive a car.  I was great for looking at things all around me and as a result, the car went in the same direction.  I was also learning to drive a clutch at the same time.  The two definitely did not mix well.  It made for may heated driving lessons with dad.  We all had to learn to focus on where we wanted to go.  I used to do the same thing when I was walking.  Looking at something on the right and the next thing I knew, I was walking towards it, cutting off anyone who was next to me or in my path.

It is the same, If you are focused on envy or fear or scarcity or lack… it will be near impossible not to VEER towards those.  The Universe will bring you want you are focused on.  Positive brings positive.  Negative brings negative.

When I started this new “eating plan” which was very limited to help control my candida, I focused on the things I couldn’t eat.  Everywhere I turned, there was fruit, seafood, dairy and the dreaded gluten.  With the help of my Weight Watchers leader, Michelle, I started looking at food differently.  I focused on the things I could eat.  As a result, I went from feeling deprived and sad about what I couldn’t have to enjoying what I could have.  The result, the other stuff went away (okay, maybe not but I wasn’t looking for them now).

Apply this to just about anything in your life.  I have positive mantras I read every morning.  Some mornings, I don’t want to be bothered and the result is I lose focus.  When we focus on positivity, abundance, tiny successes, encouraging scripture, and affirmations, we do well!  When we focus on negativity, the end result is a “shitty” day, right?

We need to face FRONT!  Thirty-One Gifts founder Cindy Monroe says… ‘I spend more time looking through the windshield than the rearview mirror. Why would I focus there? I’m not going that way!’

Don’t focus on what you’re leaving behind…focus on what you’re running towards!

Dana Wilde, Train Your Brain, shares positive mantras every day so we can adjust our brain and our vision. It takes time but it can happen.  Steer the boat (or your thoughts) in the direction you want to go and it will happen.  Maybe not overnight but it will happen.

I have changed my focus in my weightless journey and the pounds are slowing coming off.  Inching my way back to goal.  In my business, I no longer talk about “no one wants to party”, I am thinking positively and taking steps to make it happen.  The truth is, I can still have a successful business without parties (I proved it in April when I had no parties but hit my personal goal), it is just easier when you have them.

I dare you to adjust your brain, your vision and your focus today!  Share with us the change you are going to make then let us know how it changed your day so we can celebrate with you.  OR share a struggle so we can help you overcome it.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

The 5 Best Things to Say to a Friend Today

Thank you LYSA TERKEURST for today’s message…

I remember sitting in the smelly middle school gym like it was yesterday.

I’d survived the awkward and much-dreaded moments of changing into my PE uniform in the girls’ locker room. And now I sat on the hard bleachers listening to the squeak of tennis shoes, the uneven cadence of bouncing balls, the teacher’s sharp whistle and the girls laughing behind me.

They weren’t laughing with me. That would have meant I was accepted, wanted and invited in to be a part of their group.

No, they were laughing at me.

I was the subject of their gossip. I was the punch line of their jokes.

And it hurt.

I imagine you know that hurt too. Change the scenery and people, and this same hurt can be found in most of our lives:

When your coworkers all make plans to go to lunch, but you weren’t invited.
When that other preschool mom says, “Several of us moms are concerned with how aggressive your child seems on the playground.”
When everyone else’s social media makes marriage look dreamy and uber-romantic as you’re crying yourself to sleep.
Then a friend steps in with a gentle smile and a few simple words of encouragement and suddenly you’re not alone.

I want to be that friend for you today.

In the midst of whatever made your heart feel knocked off-kilter, can I whisper what I believe are the 5 best things one can say to a friend? And then might you give the gift of saying these things to a friend today?

This list is from our key verses, Romans 12:12-13, in a section titled “Love.”

1. “You’re wonderful.”

(Romans 12:12, “Be joyful in hope …”)

The world is quick to tell us all the ways we fall short. We are hyperaware of our faults and frailties.

So, what a precious gift to remind a friend of specific ways she’s a wonderful friend, a wonderful mom, a wonderful Jesus girl, a wonderful wife, a wonderful co-worker, a wonderful person.

2. “Me too.”

(Romans 12:12, “… patient in affliction …”)

What a blessing to remind a friend we all have afflictions, hurts, faults and tender places. We all get sick both emotionally and physically.

The patient friend freely gives grace because she so desperately needs it herself. “Me too” acknowledges I’m no better than you, but together we are stronger. It’s such a loving and disarming admission that we’re all in this together.

3. “I’ll pray.”

(Romans 12:12, “… faithful in prayer.”)

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to tell a friend you will absolutely be faithful in praying for her? I have someone who prays for me faithfully and even texts me Scriptures she’s praying.

But here’s what I really love about her. She doesn’t just pray about my situations: She prays me through them.

4. “I’ll share.”

(Romans 12:13, “Share with the Lord’s people who are in need …”)

When we notice a need in a friend’s life, might we be willing to step in and be part of the solution?

I have a friend who lost every possession she owned due to a chemical spill in her home. So, we threw her a “Job Party” (like the man in the Bible). Each of us brought a few things to help her family start over.

We didn’t come close to fully meeting their financial needs. But we helped build a foundation of restoration and gave this family the assurance God was working on their behalf.

5. “Come over.”

(Romans 12:13, “Practice hospitality.”)

Welcoming a friend inside the sacred space of our home is such a needed gesture. There’s just something about relationships that are less pixelated when we get eye-to-eye, voice-to-voice and talk. Really talk.

Over broken bread we share broken hearts. And then we celebrate the parts of us that are still intact. We reach across the table and across our differences to grab hold of the glorious bond of friendship.

Yes, these are 5 great things to say to a friend.

And I’ve found as we purposefully ease the loneliness ache in others, we will see it is beautifully eased in us.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

You Are (Un)Invited

Thank you LYSA TERKEURST and Encouragement for Today for this message:

The party sounded amazing. The people I’d heard were going are easy to be with, incredibly fun and all have mad skills in the kitchen. And when I saw the invitation posted on a friend’s refrigerator, I smiled at the creative brilliance.

The only problem was I didn’t get one.

I’d checked my mailbox for days.

Every time I walked down the driveway empty handed, I assured my sinking heart that because we live in the country, my mail is always one or two or seven days behind everyone else’s. No big deal.

But three days before the party when the invite still hadn’t arrived, I ran out of assurance. I lost the pep in my rally. And I realized I was, in fact, not on the guest list.

When I ran into one of the hostesses later that day, I lobbed out the equivalent of a Hail Mary throw in the final seconds of a game, “What do y’all have going on this weekend?”

And then I felt as pitiful as the quarterback who watches the opposing team take what would have been his shining star moment and turn it into an interception.

She replied, “We’ve got plans with friends most of the weekend but would love to catch up with y’all on Sunday after church.”

And that’s when the hardest of all the realizations hit me.

We weren’t invited because they simply hadn’t thought to invite us. We weren’t in the circle of “weekend plans with friends.” Immediately, the thought that hopped on me and stuck with super glue tenacity was, I’m not good enough.

I smiled and told her I’d check with Art to see if that might work. I mean checking with my husband was crucial because our schedule was jam-packed full of all kinds of urgent plans with Netflix. And, hey, for a cheap thrill we could always get a jump on paperwork for our tax returns due in four more months.

I didn’t want to feel pathetic, but I did.

Middle school had come for an unwelcome visit bringing with it all the wonky feelings wrapped up in, I’m not good enough.

I seriously thought by my 46th year of life these feelings would be but a vague memory in my distant past.

So, why is it still an option for a grown woman like me to feel like the lonely middle school girl who never got asked to the dance?

Since I had all kinds of thinking time that weekend, I kept pondering that statement sitting on my heart, You’re not good enough. And finally, in the late hours of Saturday night, I had a slight breakthrough.

“Good enough” is a terrible statement. Nobody ever wants their friends to say, “Well, I mean, you’re good enough.” I would never want my boss or my husband or my kids to just say, “You are good enough.” No child would ever want their parent to say, “You’re good enough.”

Absolutely not.

We’re better than good enough. God made us to be amazing people who learn and explore and create and give and delight and love. He made us full of potential and purpose. He tucked His full wonder inside us so we could help others find our God to be wonderful.

He made us to reach out not pull back.

He made us to believe the best before assuming the worst.

He made us to freely give grace, realizing we so desperately need it ourselves.

He made us to add goodness, see the beautiful, and rest in the assurance of His lavish love for us.

Never ever for one second did God look at us and say, “My goal for this one is to simply be good enough.”

So I wasn’t invited to the party. I decided to see that gift of time as a special invitation by the Lord to be with Him.

Dream with Him. Be loved by Him. Be doted on by Him. To be held by Him. James 4:8 says all I have to do is draw near to Him, and He will draw near to me.

Would I still love to be invited to the next party? Of course.

But even if I’m not, having a night with the Lord is good. Very good. Better than good enough.

Because with Jesus I’m forever safe. I’m forever accepted. I’m forever held. Completely loved and always invited in.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!