“Stop hating yourself for everything you aren’t. Start loving yourself for everything that you are.” ~Unknown
We all have negative thoughts that stop us dead in our tracks. They can kill our happiness and drain our self-confidence. Did you ever notice that the trail those negative thoughts take depends on who is around us?
When we are in public, we can “fake it till we make it”. We can squash those negative, stuffing them down deep. They are like a kettle waiting to boil. We push ourselves to smile, laugh and engage in conversations.
Then when we are alone or start to confide in others, two things can happen. First, those thoughts start to boil to the surface with lots of “should’ve”, “could’ve” or with comments like stupid, fat, dumb entering our head. The simmer turns to a boil and we are drowning in negativity. You share those feelings and you get more negativity or your feelings are discounted. Strengthening the inner gremlins instead of defeating them.
Or, the second scene is my favorite. Are lives are filled with cheerleaders who help us to defeat those inner gremlins. Those who help encourage us through good times and bad.
Are you surrounded by cheerleaders or naysayers?
Think about the people in your life that are your cheerleaders. Cheerleaders are people who’ll rah rah you when you’re up, and who will bolster you when you’re down. Make a list.
Now, think about the Naysayers. This are the opposite of your cheerleaders. Can you list 5 people in your life that are a Negative Nellie? Yes, write them down too.
I love this quote by William Gibson:
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”
Look at your lists. Think about how you feel about YOURSELF when you are around the cheerleaders versus the naysayers. Who would you rather surround yourself with or have in your life?
Are there some people that are on both lists? Yes, one person can be a cheerleader in one area and a naysayer in another. Maybe they support you in your personal life BUT when it comes to your dreams or desires in business, they become Doubtful Debbie (or Dan). Maybe they support your business but are highly critical of your ability to be a parent or wife. Hopefully, you don’t have many that are on both lists.
Does the list make you a little nervous because some of the people you love (maybe even live with) are on the naysayer list? I remember that feeling and I was scared! I mean how could I not be around these people. I knew that I needed to protect ME so that the inner gremlins that were lurking in the shadows did not grow into full fledge monsters. I did that by taking baby steps and yes, some of those people are still in my life.
We ALL need more cheerleaders in our lives. Think about the people who energize you. The people who make you feel good when you are around them. It is time to add more of these people to your community. Maybe it means stepping out of your comfort zone and meeting new people. Maybe it means building that relationship with someone you met. The end result as you begin to do this will be that the naysayers will begin to go away. Okay, it may not be as easy as that but it will happen. Those that are sitting on both sides may change to being just on one list – hopefully, a cheerleader.
As you increase your confidence and squash those inner gremlins, the naysayers will not want to be around you. They may write you off as “you’ve changed”. Or they will attack your ability to be a friend. The truth is that they will look outside of themselves for the problem instead of looking at themselves.
When you clear away the naysayers that are filled with criticism and negativity, the truth can shine. You’ll learn to appreciate your unique strengths and attributes. You’ll feel happier instead of being a prisoner of those inner gremlins. You will SPARKLE!
Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!
Hope Wissel 