Unclutter Your Life

Will You Shift Your Thinking to Change Your Life?

Life has a way of throwing us curve balls.  One minute all is wonderful and the next we are slammed with challenges which can send us into a black hole.  On this Monday morning, how will you see the world?

Will you be ready to charge into the week or are you already thinking how behind you are or how bad it will be?  You have a choice and what you decide can make the difference in a good week versus a bad week.

I love how my Thursday morning Weight Watcher meeting messages tend to relate to my everyday life.  The topic of “shift your thinking” hit me hard.  Why?  I am continuously guilty of the failing prey to the negative inner gremlins.  I talk a good game but I have moments too when those curve balls send me down the dark path of doom and gloom

So, on this Monday morning when I am headed home from an amazing visit with my daughter in North Carolina – I am fighting the inner gremlins.  I have decided to slam the door on them.  Yes, I may have eaten (and drank) more than normal.  Yes, I may have gained a little weight (or not).  Yes, I may have taken the focus off my business for a little bit.  BUT instead of thinking of the negatives of the trip, I will focus on the positives.  I got to spend an awesome 5 days with my daughter so we could reconnect.  I got to meet new people.  I got to clear my head and get creative in my business.  I got to rest.  All positives I will focus on as I head home.

Your mindset is not set in stone.  Think about how many times during the day you switch from a positive to a negative mindset.  Believe it or not, we do it ALOT!  There are two areas in our lives we need to switch from a “fixed” mindset to a “growth” mindset – our weight loss journey and our business.  What’s the difference in the two mindsets?

A growth mindset lets us see new experiences and challenges as a chance to grow – to learn, to improve and benefit.  I like to think of this a the positive inner gremlins beating the negative ones.

A fixed mindset is when we are not open to new things.  We tend to except things as they are.  Negative thoughts stick in our brains and setbacks seem like mountains we are unable to climb.  As a result, we continue to do the same thing expecting different results.

When we are ready to shift from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset, we unleash positive powerful changes.  The weight starts to come off, your business starts to grow.  We develop skills which will help us to not only make healthier decisions but will also help us to succeed in life!  Our growth mindset allows us to reflect on our slips or mistakes and learn from them while moving forward.

Why do I relate the two – weightless and growing your business?  Because  the journey for me has been linked to the same negative inner gremlins.  If I am feeling bad in one area of my life, the other seems to suffer as a result.

So, how do we shift to a growth mindset?  We need to stomp to the inner gremlins and here is a way to do it:

Fixed Mindset:  “I knew I wouldn’t be able to do this (lose weight or make money in my business).  It’s so hard!  I don’t think I can keep going.”  See the negative inner gremlins feeding and growing stronger.

Reality Check:  “This is a challenge and I’m not sure how long I can keep going, but I won’t ever know if I stop now”.  This is where we make the conscious decision to try.  To give it one more day/week/month to eat healthy.  To give the business one more month to see if I can make money.

Growth Mindset:  “This challenge has been tough but if I continue to make small changes and try to keep going, I know I can do it”  Focus on the accomplishments – big or small.

I challenge you to start this week with a growth mindset, will you accept the challenge.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Hope Wissel

Bounce Back from Rejection

 Do you hate hearing the word NO?  I know I do whether it is in my business or in my personal life.  No matter what, I usually take it personally.  Crazy, right?  I mean when I ask someone to join my team or host a party and they say NO, does it really mean they don’t like me?  Probably not.  They just aren’t interested in the “offer”.

I love this analogy…. Do you think a waiter/waitress gets upset or takes it personal when they offer you desert and you say no?  Do you think they stop offering?  No, they just keep asking and eventually someone will say YES!

How often does the fear of hearing the word “no” stop you in your tracks?  As a result you keep your ideas to yourself.  Or maybe you hold back from asking for what you want (or need)? Or maybe you never step out of your comfort zone?  Whatever the fear keeps you from doing, it has definitely led you into living a life of regret.

Do you know someone who is resilient?  Do you know someone who no matter what keeps moving forward to reach their goal?  Do you long to be the person who doesn’t take NO personally?

Here are four ways to change the way you see the word “no” so you keep moving forward, don’t get your feelings hurt, and get up the courage to try again:

1. Other’s rejection can be heaven-sent protection.

  Yes, sometimes a “no” deserves a happy dance. Believe it or not, the Universe might have just saved you.  Think of it as if you just dodged a bullet you didn’t even know was coming. Rejoice! You’ve just been saved from a boatload of problems.  I know it is tough to do but with practice, it gets easier.

2. Don’t take things personally.

Okay, so I won’t lie this is so hard for me – the proverbial people pleaser.  I have to remind myself (more often then I want to admit) what others say and do is not about me; it is about them.  Every once in a while I need the gentle kick in the butt as a reminder “the world does not revolve around me”!  I don’t intentionally think like this but it happens or at least my actions seem as if I think this way.  Admit it, I am not alone!   When we understand everything truly is not about us – it takes away the personal aspect, it frees us up to accept you can get caught in the path of other people’s battles and issues which have nothing to do with YOU – your abilities, or your worth.

3. You deserve to be in relationship with people who want to be in relationship with you.

So true for personal and professional relationships. If you have to chase a someone, there is an imbalance.  As a result, your contribution to the relationship is valued as less than what someone else brings to the relationship. This is when feelings of rejection and unworthiness are repeatedly reinforced throughout the relationship. Value relationships with people who want to be in relationship with you – who see your worth, who respect and value you, your time, your strengths. When you decide you deserve this, you won’t see “no” as rejection.  No will be a sign the relationship will not offer you the balance you desire.

4. “No” today doesn’t mean “no” forever.

Timing is key. I tell my team this all of the time.  After 6 plus years in direct sales, if I stopped asking everyone who said no to me if they wanted to have a party; I would be out of business!  This is how we start to build relationships with potential customers, hostesses and team members.  You need to keep the doors of communication open. When they say “no”, I usually ask a few more questions to understand why they said no. Then I ask them if I can reach out again and ask.  They will usually respond with a “yes”.  The door is still open allowing you to figure out how to get to a “yes” the next time.

Situations are different with everyone – someone struggle with hearing the word no in their business but keep moving forward when it is in their personal life.  For others, the reverse is true.  There are even those who can’t handle the word “no” in any part of their life.  The key is to not take it personally.

I challenge you this week to not let a “rejection” leave you feeling bad about yourself. Change the “no” into something which will empower you to keep moving forward to reach your goal.

What is a “no” you haven’t been able to bounce back from?  Can you use any of these tips to help you move forward?  Change the negative to a positive….Share it with us

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Unclutter Your Life

Value Yourself

My weightless journey has been a journey.  Actually more like a roller coaster.  Last week at our meeting we talked about valuing ourself no matter what the scale says.  This was like a SMACK in the head for me.

The numbers on the scale have always played a factor in how I feel about me.  No, let me be honest, when I was at my heaviest I didn’t get on a scale.  I had no clue how much I weighed and being clueless seemed to be okay with me.  I liked myself as I hid behind the weight not letting anyone get too close.  Does this story sound familiar?

I walked into the doors of Weight Watchers seeing myself through different eyes.  The eyes of the scale.  It didn’t get really hard until I got closer to my goal weight.  As the number got lower, the insecurities of my youth came out.  No, I didn’t head to the nearest shrink to bare my soul – I began fighting the inner gremlins with some help of some really good people. I learned to start seeing myself as others see me.

I know what does all of this have to do with anything, right?  How many of us let the number on the scale define us especially when we are on a weightless journey?  We let our self-worth be connected to the number on the scale.  When it goes down, we are happy.  When it goes up, the inner gremlins join us in beating ourselves up.  It is time to stop the madness.

Recognizing and appreciating ourselves for our many gifts and talents is not an easy task. The reality is when we feel good about ourselves, we are more likely to have a positive outlook on life, take better care of ourselves and the end result is we lose weight.  The better we feel about ourselves, the easier it is to lose weight.  Think about your own journey….

I remember doing a VERY scary exercise when I began trying to squash my inner gremlins.  I was told to ask 5 friends and/or family what they thought my best qualities were.  In other words, how would they describe me?  YIKES!  I sent the message out and was definitely not ready for the responses I received.  I was told I was kind, generous, compassionate, determined, helpful and strong.  I didn’t see myself from their perspective. But on my worst days (seems to be quite a few lately), I go back to the list and repeat the positive traits over and over again.  Why?  So I can feel and believe them again.

What can you do to see yourself through loving eyes?  No, I am not suggesting you reach out to family and friends to ask for their input (unless you want); I am suggesting you find a quiet spot, grab a piece of paper and a pen, reflect AND…..

THINK about someone in your life who cares about you; a friend or relative, spouse or significant other.

FOCUS on the person for a minute and describe them in words or draw a picture.  What do they look like? Height? Eye color? Hair? Do they smile a lot? Do they have a soft or loud voice?  How would you describe their personality?

CONSIDER what makes this person special to you.  Does thinking of this person make you happy?  Excited? Loving? How do they make you feel?

IMAGINE you are this person who loves YOU and start to see yourself through their eyes.  What do you like about this person you see?  Write down thoughts, feelings and behaviors you love about yourself.  I know this is tough.  You may just start with “I like my eyes” – something simple.  Then dig deeper.  Think about the qualities you have down deep – are you caring? kind? passionate about life or a cause? hard worker? friendly?

COME BACK to yourself and read what you wrote.  You will notice a growing appreciation for how you feel about yourself.

Believe me, I get how tough this can be.  I struggle with it too. Do this once a week for one month and read the positive qualities daily.  You will be amazed at the difference it will make in your life.  Thirty days make a habit, right?

Change those negative, unhelpful thoughts into positive thoughts.  Changing your mindset is the first step to make a difference in your life which will give the ripple effect of making a difference in the lives of those around you.  Share you best qualities with us.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Clear the Clutter

Kick the Habit…What’s Yours?

bad habits 2

Today is  what I am calling “Think About it Thursday”.

Are you ready to reach for your dreams?  So, what do you need to do? You need to be sure you are not stuck in one place.  How are you going to do it …… by not falling into one of these bad habits.  Thank you Ilya Pozin.

#1 – Being a Lone Wolf.  Is this an easy trap for you? Do you work well independently and in a group? What do you do to make sure you don’t isolate? To make sure I don’t fall into this, I brainstorm with other consultants (family and friends), looking for ways to play well with others (even those who push my buttons) and stretching my collaborative muscles.

#2 – Saying Sorry.  Okay, so how many of you find yourself apologizing even when there is no need?  I know I am not alone.  I am grateful for a hubby who asks “why are you apologizing” whenever there is no need.  Did you know “Saying sorry about every little thing implies you are constantly making mistakes, and can undercut your position in the office and with managers.”  I am guessing it works with my family, friends, customers and my team, too.

#3 – Taking on Every Project.  Do you want to take on every project? Are you ready to jump in when others share their success, figuring it worked for them so it will work for me?  I have done this often, personally and professionally, so I have crashed and burned on several things because it wasn’t for me.  Do you find saying the word “no” is hard? It is time to protect your time and talents remembering quality is better than quantity.

#4 – Being Negative.  Are you a Negative Nellie? I am grateful my hubby quickly point out when I start the morning with a rain cloud over my head.  Do you find most times when this happens, you are playing the comparison game?  The “what if” with Doubtful Debbie joining the party.  On the outside, I have a positive attitude rolling with the punches with Negative Nellie waiting to burst out onto the scene.

#5 – Doing Things the Way They’ve Always Been Done.  I know you have heard this before – “If you do the same thing all the time, you will get the same results”. So, if you are not happy where your business is at or you are not happy with your life is – CHANGE IT!  Not all changes will work, take it from one who has tried LOTS then crashed and burned.  But if you don’t try, you won’t know and just maybe, you will find a new approach to life and your business.

office

#6 Being Disorganized.  Get organized and stay organized.  I admit on some days, my desk looks like a hot mess and on those days, I feel like I am spinning my wheels.  Some would say getting organized (or cleaning your office) is not joy producing so it should not take up a lot of time.  The truth is, if you don’t take the time to get a handle on the pile of desktop debris (or messy house), you may never build and grow in your business (or in your life).  Harsh words but so true because you are constantly spinning your wheels and getting no where.  Did you know “Every year, Americans spend on average nine million hours looking for things they’ve misplaced.”  Imagine how much time you have spent looking for things?

What is the bad habit holding YOU back from success in your business or moving forward in your life. If you tackle these habits head-on, you might just find yourself moving on up the ladder.  Share in the comments!

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Hope Wissel

Our Self-Esteem Impacts Our Children

unnamed

Today is the day many kids are headed back to school.  With it comes fears and anxiety especially for those entering a new school or just starting school.  Regardless of the age, positive self-esteem is important.

As parents, we want to believe our kids are confident – maybe just a little shy.  We want to believe they are ready to handle any situation.  The truth is despite our best efforts, some children don’t always get it.  The cold hard fact is they learn by example.  They follow our lead.  Are you a picture of positive self-esteem or does Negative Nelly invade your space?

I struggled with low self-esteem since I was a child.  There is not one incident which changed things for me – just a lot of little things.  As I grew into an adult, the fears and negative self-esteem were stuffed deep down.  My fear of disappointing others became the one thing that controlled my life.  Only to later show up during my years of addiction and recovery.  There are still days when Negative Nelly shows her face.  There are still days the fear of disappointing others control my actions.  I say all of this to share how this impacted my daughter….

In reflection, my negative self-imagine had a dramatic impact on my daughter.  What I perceived as a confident, self-assured athlete with lots of friends was far from the truth.  I made excuses for her not showing emotion in most situations.  I tried to overcompensate so she would not fall victim to Negative Nellie.

Years later she shared her true feelings.  She shared about the years of bullying.  The years of stuffing the negative feelings.  The years of never wanting to disappoint me.  Why?  Because she saw me do it.  YIKES!  Despite my best efforts, Negative Nelly made her way through the “perfect veneer”.

Thirty One provides these statistics – my daughter was one of those statistics.

754e9eff4d4742d50f0062ffcdbeb560

Social media was not big until my daughter’s teen years, so the negative self-image was a direct result of what she saw in school, conversations she was involved in combined with the harsh words of the other children.  Now a days, social media is a strong  basis for social comparisons, self-evaluation or self-enhancement.   images

As our kids go off to school, we need to be aware.  Aware of their reaction to positive or negative evaluations of themself when they compare to others.  The verbal comparisons our kids make in conversation can shed the light on their personal self-esteem.  Also, the things they don’t say.  Their actions or lack of reactions.  Bullying or social comparison is HUGE in today’s society.  We unfortunately live in a world driven by more money, better clothes, the perfect looks and the need to have “it all” (whatever that is).

8496580A0000

In this busy world, full of social media which allows us access to information about a wide range of people and allowing unlimited networking opportunities, there is a potential downside to frequent social media use. When people with low self-esteem use social media sites, it can create a vicious cycle which can further impact their negative self-esteem.

Okay, so I have been rambling a bit today.  Some brain fog BUT I wanted to share how important this subject is especially as kids head back to school.

My concern is for the 62% of children who have low self-esteem; who think they are fat, or not pretty enough, or not good enough.  For those children who believe their parents aren’t as good as their friends who appear to have a perfect life.  I grew up in an era of, what happens behind closed doors stays behind closed doors.  The secrets of the family stays in the family – so on the outside things looked perfect but on the inside things were a mess.  It is those beliefs perpetuating the negative comparisons that effect our children.

Let’s work together to put a stop to the bullying and the negative self-esteem.  Let’s make a difference in the life of a child, letting them know that they are special and worthy EVEN if they are different.  Won’t you join me?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!