Overcoming Negative Internal Chatter

Thank  you Rachel Wojo for today’s message…

For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace (Romans 8:5, ESV).

The morning alarm sounded. I batted thin air, trying to shut off the noise without opening my eyes. Suddenly, it hit me. An epiphany that yes, I had overslept!!! By 45 minutes!! I’m guessing you can relate to the pandemonium that followed. I rushed 5 kids through an exceptionally abbreviated morning routine and somehow managed to pull up in front of the school only 15 minutes after the bell rang. I remembered the “I-love-you’s” and breathed a huge sigh of relief.

But as I pulled away from the curb, a wave of self-reproach folded over me. “How could you do this? What kind of mother sleeps through her alarm?” The belittling questions streaming through my mind overwhelmed my heart. “You shouldn’t have laid back down for ‘just a few minutes.” I felt powerless to stop it. Negative internal chatter over a rough start to the day threatened to ruin the entire day.

You’ve been there, haven’t you? Whether it was one small decision you wish you could change or a bigger mistake that couldn’t be reversed, the ticker tape of your mind rolled with continual adverse thoughts. One thought led to another that led to another and before you knew it, you felt consumed by the tornado of pessimism.

Maybe you’ve read all the quick fixes on thinking positive thoughts. But thinking positively requires more than just stopping the negative swirl of the mind. It requires digging deep and making a choice. The choice to set your mind on truth. Making that choice is often contrary to feelings, isn’t it?

Today’s Scripture focus helps us understand the power in our choice. Paul, the writer of the book of Romans, explains that when we choose negative thoughts? We are setting our minds on temporary issues that die. Things that fade away. But when we choose to place our minds on the truth of God’s Word, it creates a lasting impact. Our temporary world of thoughts is peaceful, and life is breathed into our souls.

Whether the issue is worry, anxiety, fear, anger or self-confidence, the truth of God’s Word must be our guide to replacing negative internal chatter. The simple choice of setting our minds on the truth of God’s Word in place of our fleshly temporal thoughts contains the power to change not just a single moment or a day, but our entire lives!

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Overcoming Discouragement

Happy Monday!  If no one has told you lately, let me tell you how amazing you are.

For some of us (yes, I’m included), no matter how much we achieve or how much progress we make, we still have those nasty inner gremlins (and maybe some outer ones) who want to knock us down.

It’s the gremlins in our head saying:

• “You’re not good enough.”
• “You’ll look like a fool.”
• “Who do you think you are?”
• “You are self-centered. It isn’t always about you”.

When these mantras start, it is sometimes hard to silence the noise.  Verbal abuse whether external or internal can eat away at us.  Did you know there are things you can do to actively combat those nasty inner gremlins?  If it is an outer voice saying these things, the inner voices feed on those comments long after the outer voice has stopped talking.

Here are four simple ways to overcome those nasty gremlins:

1. Start talking to yourself

“You need to stop listening to yourself and start talking to yourself again.”

Those nasty inner gremlins are setting you up for failure.  We are what we feed our mind.  When we feed those nasty gremlins positive things, they will shrink in the corner and the good will overcome.  When we feed them something negative, you know what happens.

The bottom line is: the statements and questions you use in conversations with yourself make a huge difference in what you do, how you think, and how you feel.

Instead of questions like, “Why am I having such a hard time?” or, “Why does this always happen to me?” Try, “What just happened, and what can I take away from this?”  Ask yourself questions which are life giving not life killing. OUCH!  What we do, how we think, and how we feel are all dictated by the conversations we have with ourselves. Pay attention to those conversations and watch how your life changes.2. Celebrate Often

When was the last time you celebrated a small victory?  Or do you wait until you reach a huge milestone to celebrate?  Did you know by waiting to celebrate, you are giving those nasty inner gremlins a chance to sneak in the back door crushing your joy?

Why not celebrate everything and everyone—all the time?  It’s hard to stay discouraged when you’re constantly searching for something or someone to celebrate. The seeds of depressions have a tough time taking root in a grateful heart and the same is true with discouragement and celebration.

You have your goals set, right?  Now create smaller ones leading up to the BIG one and plan some kind of celebration when you reach a small milestone. It doesn’t have to be elaborate—just give yourself a reward for making progress.  Then watch for others who are hitting their small milestones, and recognize them when they do. When you acknowledge an achievement others are overlooking or discounting in their own lives, you can do wonders for their confidence.

Celebrating small wins along the way will keep you motivated and encouraged. Don’t neglect it!

3. Prune Your Negative Vines

This one can be tough but it is probably one of the most important pieces to the puzzle.  When you don’t prune unproductive branches off a fruit-bearing tree, you can’t expect much of a harvest.  The same goes for us.

We must distance ourselves from negativity. If we don’t, we stunt our own growth.  Your dreams, visions, and opportunities will always require you to become more than you currently are. In short, you must grow to achieve them.  So, how can you grow when you are surrounded by negativity?

Those outside voices feed the negativity to those nasty inner gremlins and the result is they squash your dreams saying things to discourage you.

The vision you have for your life (and your family’s life) holds more weight than other people’s opinions.  So distance yourself from negativity. Don’t listen to people whose intentions are just to slow you down.  For some, the most negative people in your life can be those who are closest to you. You can actually use these four strategies to distance yourself from them.

4. Establish Boundaries

Imagine how easy it would be for an army to capture an unprotected city. The same thing can happen to your mind if you don’t establish boundaries.  Boundaries are the castle walls surrounding your mind, preventing discouragement from walking right in and taking control.  The problem is most people are scared to set them.  I know I am sometimes.

We don’t want to offend others, so we tolerate the negative people and activities influencing our thinking and behavior. When we do this, we let their meaningless opinions take priority over our own goals and dreams.  Whom you spend time with, what you spend time doing, and what you allow in your mind will either help you overcome discouragement, or fall to its forces.

Boundaries are the only mechanism for keeping the bad stuff out and the good stuff in. If you want to overcome discouragement, boundaries are vital.  We’re all either in a crisis, coming out of a crisis, or headed for a crisis—is it just part of living life.

But, we can choose how we react to whatever life throws at us, including discouragement.  When you equip yourself with the proper defenses, you can overcome it and live the life you were made to live.

Share a time you overcame discouragement and how did you fight back?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

What is Your Favorite Wellness Tip?

I have spent the last month faithfully going to Weight Watchers, measuring what I eat and sticking to the Candida Diet to detox my body.  I still have a ways to go but I am thrilled with the results. Each day feeling a little bit better.

Recently, I was on an Zoom call with Amber Annette and Desiree where Amber talked to me about how consistency equaled confidence and success.  We talked about the importance of positive mantras every day.   I started spending every morning (about 5 minutes) reading over my mantras and then visualizing my goal. It has set a tone for my day.

While doing all of this, I have found some really good (interesting) wellness tips online.  I hope you enjoy and possibly put to practice some of these life changing wellness tips.  We know the importance of water, sleep and exercise but you may be surprised at some and find a handful of new ideas.

1. Balance. Taking the time to give equal energy to all aspects of your life.

2. Loving yourself, taking care of your body, and appreciating everything around you.

3. Fresh air, sunshine and smiling

4. Use Shea butter on your skin to keep them soft and smooth esp during winter –

5. Love and respect to everyone and around you as well as yourself!

6. Don’t ever deprive your body of anything. If it wants something, give it in moderation. Wellness is about working to be the best version of yourself and embracing yourself wholly for all you are

7. Ground yourself every day (find which method works best for you, whether it’s yoga or meditation or tai chi, etc.)…then imagine white light surrounding you and dissolving the energy cords and negative thoughts and chatter clogging your being so you can glow andSHINE ON!

8. Stress management in your surrounding is so important. Blaming others inwardly or outwardly only de-energizes us. Notice your thought patterns today. Are they of acceptance or judgement? Eliminating all drama can help immensely.

9. Start your morning off with 2 TBSP of coconut vinegar, a bit of coconut nectar, and 4-8oz of warm filtered water to help your stomach acidity. Then take a probiotic because it is best absorbed after vinegar. Anyone ever try this or have a similar morning drink?

10.  Morning lemon juice with water water or apple cider vinegar on a empty stomach + at least 5 mins of morning grateful-positive affirmations help me inject purpose every day, no matter how hard it might be or how many challenges I have in my life, being grateful even for the little things always helps me push through!  Another alternative is fresh carrot juice.

11. Skin oiling before a shower keeps you grounded and vitalized.

12. Eating fruit on an empty stomach, chaga tea anytime, & dry skin brushing for a healthy lymphatic system.

13. Listen to your body and live a life of balance (in spiritual, emotional, and physical aspects). And never underestimate the therapeutic power of giving to others in selfless love and being grateful for what you have

14. 11 minutes of conscious breathing a day. ” if you do not breathe consciously for 11 minutes a day, you lose 40% of the vitality of life… But if you do breathe consciously for 11 minutes a day, you can do exactly what no miracle can do, because our life depends on the breathe of life.” – yogi bhajan

15. Break a sweat at least once a day- good for the body and the mind

16. Surround yourself with those you can laugh with openly. – you know those deep belly laughs.

17. Develop a daily a morning routine consisting of nourishing your mind, body, and spirit and stick to it!

18. Self love is the greatest medicine. when we truly, deeply love ourselves, we will naturally understand how to care for ourselves, mentally, physically and emotionally. Listen to your body & your gut brain!

19. Dandelion root! Best for acne, and great hangover prevention tool.

20. Make sure to do at least one good thing for yourself everyday. It can be as small as drinking enough water, a workout, going to bed early, and eating well.

21. Epsom salt + baking soda in a hot bath with your favorite essential oils

22. See light in every situation and not allowing negativity in

23. Eat an avocado a day

24. Keep a positive outlook in life regardless of your circumstances. Healthy food is essential, but few things can compensate for a negative attitude. Gratitude works wonders

25. Strive for 90% good, 10% naughty. And laugh a lot.

What is your BEST wellness tip?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Cheerleaders VS Naysayers

 

“Stop hating yourself for everything you aren’t. Start loving yourself for everything that you are.” ~Unknown

We all have negative thoughts that stop us dead in our tracks.  They can kill our happiness and drain our self-confidence.  Did you ever notice that the trail those negative thoughts take depends on who is around us?

When we are in public, we can “fake it till we make it”.  We can squash those negative, stuffing them down deep.  They are like a kettle waiting to boil.  We push ourselves to smile, laugh and engage in conversations.

Then when we are alone or start to confide in others, two things can happen.  First, those thoughts start to boil to the surface with lots of “should’ve”, “could’ve” or with comments like stupid, fat, dumb entering our head.   The simmer turns to a boil and we are drowning in negativity.  You share those feelings and you get  more negativity or your feelings are discounted. Strengthening the inner gremlins instead of defeating them.

Or, the second scene is my favorite. Are lives are filled with cheerleaders who help us to defeat those inner gremlins.  Those who help encourage us through good times and bad.

Are you surrounded by cheerleaders or naysayers?

Think about the people in your life that are your cheerleaders. Cheerleaders are people who’ll rah rah you when you’re up, and who will bolster you when you’re down.  Make a list.

Now, think about the Naysayers.  This are the opposite of your cheerleaders.  Can you list 5 people in your life that are a Negative Nellie?  Yes, write them down too.

I love this quote by William Gibson:

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”

Look at your lists.  Think about how you feel about YOURSELF when you are around the cheerleaders versus the naysayers.  Who would you rather surround yourself with or have in your life?

Are there some people that are on both lists?  Yes, one person can be a cheerleader in one area and a naysayer in another.  Maybe they support you in your personal life BUT when it comes to your dreams or desires in business, they become Doubtful Debbie (or Dan).  Maybe they support your business but are highly critical of your ability to be a parent or wife.  Hopefully, you don’t have many that are on both lists.

Does the list make you a little nervous because some of the people you love (maybe even live with) are on the naysayer list?  I remember that feeling and I was scared!  I mean how could I not be around these people.  I knew that I needed to protect ME so that the inner gremlins that were lurking in the shadows did not grow into full fledge monsters.  I did that by taking baby steps and yes, some of those people are still in my life.

We ALL need more cheerleaders in our lives.  Think about the people who energize you.  The people who make you feel good when you are around them.  It is time to add more of these people to your community.  Maybe it means stepping out of your comfort zone and meeting new people.  Maybe it means building that relationship with someone you met.  The end result as you begin to do this will be that the naysayers will begin to go away.  Okay, it may not be as easy as that but it will happen.  Those that are sitting on both sides may change to being just on one list – hopefully, a cheerleader.

As you increase your confidence and squash those inner gremlins, the naysayers will not want to be around you.  They may write you off as “you’ve changed”. Or they will attack your ability to be a friend.  The truth is that they will look outside of themselves for the problem instead of looking at themselves.

When you clear away the naysayers that are filled with criticism and negativity, the truth can shine. You’ll learn to appreciate your unique strengths and attributes.  You’ll feel happier instead of  being a prisoner of those inner gremlins.  You will SPARKLE!

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

SQUASH that Inner Critic

WOOHOO!  It is FRIDAY!  Who is ready for the weekend?  I know that I am!

We have all known people who are really critical, right?  The person who loves to point out when you gained a few pounds.  The person who points out your flaws and reminds us when we are not doing as well as others.  I don’t know about you but these are people that I tend to shy away from, so why do I let myself do that same thing.  It is the background “noise” that chips away at our confidence that leads to fear and doubt.

I have been blessed a part of a Celebration Circle with a Fierce Cheerleader, Eryka Peskin.  And now the author of an e-book called “50+ Ways to Jumpstart Your Abundance“.  The greatest gift she has given me is the ability to STOMP on my Inner Critic.  Here are some tips to CRUSH that inner critic:

1. Listen to your negative thoughts

I know, crazy right?  But the only way to silence that inner critic is to listen.  Better yet, CELEBRATE (or acknowledge) it knowing that you are worthy of so much more.  You can’t CRUSH the negative thoughts unless you acknowledge them.  Those negative thoughts usually stem from insecurities that have no basis in your life.  They are often even silly.  If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, why say it to yourself?

2. Get productive

Some negative thoughts are unwarranted and overly judgmental while others lean toward real issues that need to be addressed.  If it is a part of your life that needs improving – do something about it.  Don’t feed the fire of negative talk – take steps (even baby ones) to make the change.  Set goals and track your progress. Gradually improving yourself will replace negative thoughts with positive ones and ultimately CRUSH your inner critic.

3. Re-think how you see other people

Negative thoughts bring more negative thoughts and they can be toxic to your soul.  Ask yourself, am I critical and judgmental of others?  Be honest, we’ve all been there! If you are critical of others, you will be critical of yourself. Feeding into negativity will only come around to bite you in the butt.

4. Ask yourself this question

Are you not sure if you’re being too critical of yourself? I love this suggestion by Life coach Tony Teegarden.  Ask yourself this one question:  Would you say this to your five year old self? Would you tell your five-year-old self that they’re not smart enough, that they’re overweight or untalented? Of course not! You’d tell them to believe in themselves and that they can do anything they set their mind to. So, if you wouldn’t dare be so negative to your younger self, why do it now?

5. Remind yourself of how awesome you are

This is the fun part of our Celebration Circle.  I love that Eryka has us put a positive spin on everything in our lives that we may have once thought as negative. The truth is that sometimes the only way to silence your inner critic is to drown it out with positive statements.  Try giving yourself a little pep talk when you’re really getting critical.   I keep a list of my strengths handy so when the negative inner critic rears his head, I can read the list and remind myself what a strong, confident and capable woman I am.  It’s not about bragging, it’s about being honest with yourself about what you do well.

How do you silence your inner critic? Hope you have a ThirtyOne-derful day!