Hope Wissel

Bounce Back from Rejection

 Do you hate hearing the word NO?  I know I do whether it is in my business or in my personal life.  No matter what, I usually take it personally.  Crazy, right?  I mean when I ask someone to join my team or host a party and they say NO, does it really mean they don’t like me?  Probably not.  They just aren’t interested in the “offer”.

I love this analogy…. Do you think a waiter/waitress gets upset or takes it personal when they offer you desert and you say no?  Do you think they stop offering?  No, they just keep asking and eventually someone will say YES!

How often does the fear of hearing the word “no” stop you in your tracks?  As a result you keep your ideas to yourself.  Or maybe you hold back from asking for what you want (or need)? Or maybe you never step out of your comfort zone?  Whatever the fear keeps you from doing, it has definitely led you into living a life of regret.

Do you know someone who is resilient?  Do you know someone who no matter what keeps moving forward to reach their goal?  Do you long to be the person who doesn’t take NO personally?

Here are four ways to change the way you see the word “no” so you keep moving forward, don’t get your feelings hurt, and get up the courage to try again:

1. Other’s rejection can be heaven-sent protection.

  Yes, sometimes a “no” deserves a happy dance. Believe it or not, the Universe might have just saved you.  Think of it as if you just dodged a bullet you didn’t even know was coming. Rejoice! You’ve just been saved from a boatload of problems.  I know it is tough to do but with practice, it gets easier.

2. Don’t take things personally.

Okay, so I won’t lie this is so hard for me – the proverbial people pleaser.  I have to remind myself (more often then I want to admit) what others say and do is not about me; it is about them.  Every once in a while I need the gentle kick in the butt as a reminder “the world does not revolve around me”!  I don’t intentionally think like this but it happens or at least my actions seem as if I think this way.  Admit it, I am not alone!   When we understand everything truly is not about us – it takes away the personal aspect, it frees us up to accept you can get caught in the path of other people’s battles and issues which have nothing to do with YOU – your abilities, or your worth.

3. You deserve to be in relationship with people who want to be in relationship with you.

So true for personal and professional relationships. If you have to chase a someone, there is an imbalance.  As a result, your contribution to the relationship is valued as less than what someone else brings to the relationship. This is when feelings of rejection and unworthiness are repeatedly reinforced throughout the relationship. Value relationships with people who want to be in relationship with you – who see your worth, who respect and value you, your time, your strengths. When you decide you deserve this, you won’t see “no” as rejection.  No will be a sign the relationship will not offer you the balance you desire.

4. “No” today doesn’t mean “no” forever.

Timing is key. I tell my team this all of the time.  After 6 plus years in direct sales, if I stopped asking everyone who said no to me if they wanted to have a party; I would be out of business!  This is how we start to build relationships with potential customers, hostesses and team members.  You need to keep the doors of communication open. When they say “no”, I usually ask a few more questions to understand why they said no. Then I ask them if I can reach out again and ask.  They will usually respond with a “yes”.  The door is still open allowing you to figure out how to get to a “yes” the next time.

Situations are different with everyone – someone struggle with hearing the word no in their business but keep moving forward when it is in their personal life.  For others, the reverse is true.  There are even those who can’t handle the word “no” in any part of their life.  The key is to not take it personally.

I challenge you this week to not let a “rejection” leave you feeling bad about yourself. Change the “no” into something which will empower you to keep moving forward to reach your goal.

What is a “no” you haven’t been able to bounce back from?  Can you use any of these tips to help you move forward?  Change the negative to a positive….Share it with us

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Hope Wissel

Are You Afraid to Say “No”?

Do you know what day it is?  It is WOOHOO Wednesday which means it is HUMP Day.  Today is when we take time for us.  Whether it is celebrating an accomplishment (large or small) or practicing some self-care or learning to step out of our comfort zone – it is all about becoming the YOU who YOU want to be.

The hardest word for me to say is “no”?  What about you?  I don’t mean the times when you have a scheduled conflict, I mean those times when you really don’t want to go or to do the requested task.  Do you get so anxious about saying “no”, you end up going against your better judgment and saying “yes” or just avoiding the conversation altogether?

I have been there more times then I care to count.  The proverbial people pleaser in me is learning to be more comfortable with the word “no”.  It could be because I am learning to “go for the no” in my business without taking it personally or maybe I am just feeling more confident in who I am.  Either way, I like the change.

Here are a few ways to help you when you really want to say “no”.

1. “Let me think about it.”

Sometimes, we’re just not sure we want to say “yes.”  Maybe it doesn’t feel right or it is a request you need to really think about.  Why don’t we just say, “Let me think about it and get back to you.” This may be tough at first if you usually say “yes” much too quickly and then end up regretting it.  This statement can and should then become a habit.  It will give you some breathing space to process the request and build the courage to be honest in your response. Then, if the answer is “no,” one of the next three statements can be your follow up.

2. “That’s not going to work for me.”

Whether it is a conflict in your schedule or a conflict in values, “that’s not going to work for me” is a boundary-setting statement.  Of course my problem is I usually follow it up with an explanation, but the truth is there is no need to explain.  This statement indicates your decision is about your needs and/or boundaries.  If the request can be negotiated, it lets the person know the only way to get a “yes” is for them to adjust the request to meet your needs.  If they really want you to do something, they will adjust and ask again.  Saying this statement takes some practice.

3. “I wish I could say yes.”

Are your riddled with guilt by saying no?  Are you afraid the person will be upset with you?  Yup, I tend to fall prey to all of those things.  So, when you feel bad about saying “no,” you could say this statement.  It lets the person know you want to be able to help, but you simply can’t.  Of course, this could also lead to some negotiating from the person requesting so be prepared.

4. “No.”

Again, every time you say “no”, it doesn’t require an explanation. Try a simple, “Thanks, but no thanks,”.  How many times has your “no”  turned into a “yes” due to a long explanation?  Why not try saying “no” then stop yourself from saying anything else. No really is a complete sentence – event if we don’t think so.

Remember when the situation arises where you need to say “no,” tell the truth and just say “no”.  You need to trust things will unfold as they should.

So, where are you saying “yes” way too often and as a result getting overwhelmed?   What is the worse case scenario if you say “no”?  Is it really as bad as we make it out to be in our heads?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Business Tips and Tricks

Secrets to Success  

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Do you know what today is?  YUP, it is HUMP Day. Halfway to the weekend.

Since the beginning of the year, I have been working on personal development in an effort to grow my business.  I know it probably sounds crazy to some BUT I am finding when I grow personally, I am blessed in both my personal life and my business.  I set up a morning routine which includes checking off those things I felt were absolutely necessary to be consistent (plus they are usually the things I let slip by or forget to do).

Here are some tips I have implemented based on the suggestions of other successful people:

Unknown1) They wake up early.

The early bird catches the worm, right?  I committed to waking up early.  Since the onset of health issues, early for me is 6 or 6:30AM so I can take the LONG commute (down the stairs) to be in the office by 7AM.  Why?  Because it allows me to get things done. By getting in the office by 7AM, I am able to put in at least 2 hours (or more) of uninterrupted work which makes all the difference in the world as I attack the rest of the day.  When I worked in the non-profit world, this was my key to success.  Arriving before staff came in to ensure I could clear my head before the craziness of the day.  I believe it was this routine which helped me to move up the ladder from volunteer to a Chief Operating Officer.  So, why would I not do it in my own business, right?   I challenge you to start waking up early everyday!

2) Say “No” often.

I am still working on this one since I have alway been the proverbial “people pleaser”. I am learning how to evaluate every request when it comes to my time and my business.  With every request you have to ask yourself is this going to help me get to my end goal. If the answer is “no” it’s likely you need to answer “no”. Of course there are always exceptions.  When you know your goal, it is easier to do this.

planner pic3) Plan ahead of time.

Every successful person plans ahead. Guaranteed. They have a clear path to get to their end goal.  They only veer from the path if the plan needs adjusting because their results aren’t going as planned. They know how to stick to their plans and pivot when needed.  I will admit this one is tough for me but I am working on it.

4) Be consistent.

This is a challenge for me all areas of my life.   When I plan, consistency becomes much easier.  I find it is easier to be consistent in my business which tends to then roll over into my personal life.

goal5) Set goals and see them through.

Goal seeing it not one of my strong points.  I think it has more to do with fear of not succeeding then anything else.  I also tend to play the comparison game and worry about how I measure up to others.  Having an accountability partner and setting small goals every day is helping.   The key is to set your goals, write them down and follow a plan to achieve them.  Everyone’s goals are different and so is the route they take to achieve them! Set them anyway, make a plan and be consistent.

6) Ignore what others are doing.

Do you always check to see what others are doing? Do you spend countless hours on Facebook reading posts, trying to figure out how to get ahead? I was amazed to find out successful people don’t do this – they just don’t care what others are doing.  They have their blinders on and their heads down focused on their goal. They have a plan and are consistently working it.

Those who are successful aren’t following the crowd, they are continuing to learn new things.  Once they learn something new, they figure out how it can be used to help them reach their individual goals.  Whatever your goal, are you willing to invest some time into learning how to make it happen?  Whether it is reaching your goal weight, having a successful business, or reaching the top in your field – it all is achieved when we are willing to invest in ourselves.

What is your best tip for success?  Please share it with us.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Unclutter Your Life

WOMEN ROCK!

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Do I have your attention?  When did it become ok for women to put everyone else’s needs first?  Admit it, we all do it.  As a result, we are frustrated, grumpy, tired and not getting anything done on our list.

It happens because we as women wear many hats – wife, mom, daughter, business owner, employee, taxi driver (you know the mom taxi) and the list goes on. It seems everyone needs us.

In order to avoid conflict and not hurt anyone’s feelings we neglect our own needs and put ourselves on the back burner.  This is not emotionally or mentally healthy. Many of us have become a people pleasers.

There are five things you can start doing NOW to make your needs a priority without feeling guilty.

#1 START SAYING NO

Did you know every time someone asks you to do something, you’re not obligated to say yes?  I know a novel concept, right?  You have a right to say no if it’s not something you really want to do. And you don’t owe anyone an explanation, NO is a complete sentence.

We struggle with this because we don’t want to disappoint anyone and we want to keep peace.  The truth is when we say yes every time someone asks us to do something we are saying no to what we want to accomplish. We get stuck when we say yes to everyone but ourselves. Ask yourself, would the people you’re are constantly helping out do the same for you?

I’ll admit this is challenging, however it gets better with time.  If people genuinely care about you they will respect your response.

#2 SET BOUNDARIES

We have a tendency to spread ourselves too thin and we end up blaming others instead of taking responsibility for our actions.

“A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.” If you don’t set boundaries, you can’t be mad when people cross the line.

Start setting boundaries by being honest with yourself and acknowledging how you feel. Pay attention to what’s causing you to feel like boundaries have been crossed. Acknowledge those emotions, even if it is hard.  If you feel like someone has crossed the line, express how you feel to the person who you feel crossed the line. Be a grown-up and have an open, honest conversation.

#3 CREATE ME TIME

Yes, I can see the eyes rolling and with it comes the excuses.  Self-care is not optional, it is important for your personal growth.  When you think of self-care, you think of getting your hair done, retail therapy and mani/pedis, right?  Self-care is more about taking care of your mental, emotional and physical health.

Practicing self-care isn’t selfish, you deserve to block time for you the same way you block time for everyone else.

#4 DUMP THE HEAD TRASH

Did you know we have 50,000 thoughts per day?  Of those thoughts, how many negative thoughts race through on any given day?  When you feed your brain negativity then you can’t produce anything positive.

You are good enough. You are capable of great things. You’re not too old. You’re not too young. You don’t have to be defined by your past. You’re not a failure.  You become what you believe and it’s up to you to begin to shift your thinking.

When you have a negative thought switch it to something positive.  Start affirming the woman you want to become.

#5 MAKE A HAPPY LIST

Do you know what makes you happy? What brings you joy each day?  I don’t know about you but I struggle answering this.  I challenge you to create a list of 50 things that make you happy and be intentional every day to do something off your list. It doesn’t have to be anything big just whatever brings you joy.

Here’s what makes me happy (not in any particular order): Starbucks, the beach, family, doing puzzles, road trips… you get the picture, right?

So I want you to

Say yes to your dreams.

Say yes to your goals.

Say yes to putting you first.

Say yes to doing things that make you happy.

Say yes to change.

Say yes to loving yourself.

Say yes to living the life you were created to live.

Say yes to being free.

If you want to practice some self-care, come visit me tomorrow at the Asbury Park Convention Hall at the WOMEN ROCK event….

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It’s a free event full of information, shopping and just hanging out with some of your friends.  Hope to see you there.  Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!