Grow Your Self Confidence

Did you know 62% of all girls feel insecure about themselves?  How about 4 in 5 women have low self-esteem?  For some low self-esteem feels like a life sentence with no chance of escape.

Self Confidence by definition is realistic confidence in one’s own judgment, ability, power, etc.

With such a simple definition, why is is so hard at times to wrap our head around the idea?   I battle the inner gremlins of low self-esteem as well as a lack of self-confidence.  Honestly, I don’t know when it all started but I’m sure it goes back to those formative years in middle school.  I’ve learned (okay, so still learning some days), we each have our own unique story, and with help we can rebuild our life and rewrite our story.

The words self-esteem and self-confidence are usually interchangeable when we talk about our struggles but there is a distinct difference between the two:

Self Esteem is determined by whether you believe you’re worthy of respect from others

Self Confidence is whether you believe in yourself.

When we rebuild our confidence, we are actually retraining our brain to recognize our worth thereby increasing our self-esteem. Here are a few of my favorite tips which have helped me fight those nasty inner gremlins.

1. Dress for Success.

I am guilty of NOT dressing for success when my confidence is waining and my self-esteem is low.  How often are you worried about what others will think of you based on how you are dressed?  Feel like you are stuck in a rut? Battling with self-consciousness?  Take a minute to focus on your appearance. Scary, right?  When you feel good about how you look, your confidence will shine through.

Have a favorite outfit which always gets you compliments?  Wear it.  Need a hair cut?  Pamper yourself and get one. What makes you feel good?  It is a simple pedicure – go get one.  I’m not saying go on a spending spree, but you need to dress for success.  Use the things in your closet or check out a local thrift store for some great finds.  Working from home, I have found the sweats and no make up are an every day thing.  I find when I “dress” for work even at home with a little bit of makeup, I feel good.  When I feel good, I am confident.

2. Positive Thinking

I know I talk about it a lot but the truth is changing the way we think can change the outcomes in our life.  There are some amazing people out there who teach this – Dana Wilde at Train Your Brain; Eryka Peskin with her fierce cheerleading; and of course, Norman Vincent Peale in his book Positive Self Image or The Secret.

Negative thoughts bring more negative thoughts.  When you learn to shift your mindset, you gain the ability to see things in a new light, which in turn provides new alternatives and better outcomes.  Daily affirmations from Dana Wilde and The Secret have helped me to fight and win most days the battle with the inner gremlins.

3. Invest in others deeply

This one probably sounds the craziest right?  If you have low confidence and low self-esteem, how can you possibly get to know others and build a relationship with them?

By taking the focus off of you and putting it on them.  As you start getting to know someone else, asking questions beyond the surface they will see you are genuinely interested in them.  As we start to care for others helping them to feel seen and heard while building a rapport with them, we are letting our own light shine.

We talk about this a lot in direct sales but the truth is when I do it every day, I have gained confidence.  I started many years ago as a newly recovering addict who was helping individuals during the early years of the AIDS epidemic.  My focus was on helping to improve their quality of life and through it, I became an expert in my field.  Confident, letting my light shine.  Most days, I consider my work in direct sales the same way.  Helping others with organizing or gift giving or just feeling good about themselves.  When I focus on helping others instead of “needing sales”, my confidence sparkles.  As an introvert (yes, I really am), I know it can be hard so it is something I am aware of and practice being more open to receiving every day.

What is your best tip for boosting your confidence or has helped you to raise your self-esteem?  Share them with us…

Have  ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Change Your Thoughts

“Change your thoughts and you change your world.”~Norman Vincent Peale

Over the past year, I have said these words probably a MILLION times “I am not good at recruiting new team members”.  I have watched others who are recruiting superstars and tried to study how they did it.  I have listened closely for cues to spot potentially new team members.  But the truth was that no matter how much I wanted new team members, I kept thinking “I am not good at recruiting”.

I made a conscious decision that:

• Other consultants also struggle with recruiting
• Other people did not really have a life much better than mine.
• Others were not really happier than me, smarter than me, and worth more than me.
• I would stop wishing that I was like someone else.

Have you ever felt like everyone else was doing better than you? Have you ever felt like the deck was so stacked against you that you would never catch up? 

I always dream big, but I seem to be unable to make those plans a reality because of the story I told myself.  As long as I continued to tell myself that negative story, I would continue to be not enough. The truth was there wasn’t a problem with my business there was a problem with the story that I was telling myself about my business.  My story about not being good enough showed itself in every aspect of my life—my job, my family, and my social life.  WOW!  Does that sound like YOU?

Did you know that the current state of your life is a direct result of the stories you tell yourself, and what you really believe is possible—not what you say is possible, but what you believe deep down in your core.

Okay, so you are wondering what I did differently, right?

I changed the story.  I have heard it a million times but this week, it clicked (again) “If you change the limiting stories you tell yourself, you will be able to change your life.”

I shifted my story to “I am as good as anyone else and I deserve it just as much as anyone else. ”  So, how could a VERY simple change in the words change things.  I didn’t just say them, I actually started believing what I was saying.  I looked for evidence that the story was true and I was amazed at what I found.

When I looked at my life objectively I realized that I’d actually accomplished quite a bit. I had helped in open an Atlantic City casino.  I had been successful in my career in the non-profit world.  I helped to change lives as a Social Worker.  I had started my own Thirty One business and I had a growing team.  I reached my goal as director and was consistent in sales and parties.  I always am kind and helpful to others. These are some of the things that, in my eyes, made me just as good as anyone else.

The comparison bug had attached itself onto one component of my life and as a direct result was infecting all aspects of my life.  Has the comparison bug bit you?

Why not be kind to yourself :

• Things won’t change overnight. You can change your story but that doesn’t mean that you will suddenly have millions of dollars in your bank account the next morning.  You will recognize the opportunities that will get you there.
• Don’t be angry with yourself or the universe if it doesn’t happen fast enough for you, or if you fail to make the changes you want all once. Taking small steps in the right direction every day will get you were you need to be. It’s important to be consistent.
• Don’t beat yourself up if you fall back into old habits. We are usually our biggest critics. Just pick yourself up and start again. If you keep moving forward, you will get to your goal.

So, who is ready to change their story?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!