Thankful Thursday: Expectations

Expectations is defined in the dictionary as “a belief someone will or should achieve something“.  I actually like the NA definition better “Expectations are premeditated resentments”.

Do you have expectations of yourself or others?  I will admit, I have lots of them.  I am working on getting rid of them because they really are the stepping stone for resentment and anger.  So, why then would I be grateful for expectations, right?  Because having them allows me to learn and grow…

Let’s start with the expectations we have for ourselves.  If you are like me, they are pretty high and as a result, I seldom reach the level of perfection I expect of myself.  I know, no one is perfect BUT don’t we set those milestones for ourselves.  Thinking we can handle everything, juggling all the balls in the air – motherhood, work, life, and whatever else comes our way.  The word “NO” seldom escapes from our lips because we “expect” we will be able to everything.  Self expectations allow my inner gremlins to have a field day in my head. Expectations  of others  leaves  me  feeling  frustrated,  angry  and disappointed.  Whether it is business or in love, setting expectations whether they be realistic or not is a setup for disaster.  If  the  words  would  of,  could  of  or  should  of  are  part  of  sentence,  I know I am  in  trouble.

Whether you grew up in a house with demanding parents or would strive every day to meet someone else’s expectations,  somewhere along the way, you lost what it was like to be kind to yourself.  You became a slave to expectations and now it is time to change and be kind to YOU!

#1: Change How You Treat Yourself

I know it is easier said then done.  I’ve been there and on some days am still there.  Can’t imagine being nice to yourself – why not begin by expressing kindness to someone or something you love such as a pet (or a someone special).  Easy right?  Don’t you deserve the same treatment? Try this mantra:

May I be filled with loving-kindness. May I be held in loving-kindness. May I realize loving-kindness as my essence.

OR write one of your own.  Then practice saying it.  Start by repeating it for thirty seconds. Embrace the feelings the words invoke.  The longer you can embrace these feelings, the quicker you’ll reap the benefits.  Start and end your day with these to see what a difference in makes in your life.

#2: What You Say Limits You

Maybe on the surface, you are being nicer to yourself, but deep down the inner gremlin is judging you.   It’s true – we judge, and we label, sometimes without even realizing it. What we do to other people is the same thing we do to ourselves.

So every time you have a negative label for someone, come up with at least six different reasons that would stop the label.  It isn’t easy.  The truth is if you can be less judgmental toward other people, you can do the same for yourself.

#3: What You Say Can Belittle You

When was the last time you said “How can I be so stupid? ” or, “OMG what a screw-up! Could I not make a bigger mess of things? ” or, “Why do I do this to myself? I’m such an idiot!”  This is all about not meeting your own personal expectations and how you react.

Despite my best efforts, my inner gremlins love beating me up for every mistake, failure, or setback, real or imagined. Then a little angel voice screams, “Not being very kind to yourself, are you?”

SMACK!  The reality hits nothing is a total failure. There is always something to be positive about.  Find it in whatever the situation is.  Replace those harsh words with positive thoughts.  By doing so,  you will change those demanding expectations.

These small changes are so powerful.  They help you stop being a victim of your own expectations and allow you to  treat yourself kinder.  You realize judging other people is so closely aligned with the labels and limitations we put on ourselves.  Seeing the positives in what may appear as a failure will allow you to cut yourself some slack.

Change is hard!  Changing behaviors are challenging.  The truth is,  if I can do this, you certainly can!

It all begins with a practice taking less than a minute, six times a day showering yourself with loving-kindness.

It’s easy to start. It’s easy to do. Just repeat after me:

“May I be filled with loving-kindness. May I be held in loving-kindness. May I realize loving-kindness as my essence.”

Have a blessed day!

What Do Happy People Do?

Last week I talked about three things happy people do, remember it was:

• They don’t dwell on the past
• They focus on the here and now
• They recharge

Believe it or not, there are 4 more things they do.  Have you every searched “things happy people do” on Google?  OMG!  There is a ton of stuff.  I have scanned a lot of it and it really comes down to just a few things said in a different ways.

So here are a few more things happy people do and those who aren’t happy 24/7 don’t do:

#4. They don’t spend time with toxic people

We all have had or have people in our life who are toxic.  The ones who say things behind your back. Or are constantly putting you down.  Maybe they promise to change but it just never happens?  Being around people like this over a long period of time, will bring you down. Happy people don’t let this happen.  They quickly recognize a toxic person when they see one. Me, not so quickly.

Here are some tips to help you recognize a toxic person, and what to do about it:

• Notice when someone puts you down. Are the words they use positive or not. Body language can also tell you how someone feels about you. Don’t feel good around them? Gradually close them off.
• Notice when someone constantly cancels on you (leaving you feeling bummed)  If someone doesn’t want to spend time with you, and they are constantly cancelling on you, it might be time to direct your energy into something or someone else.
• Be aware of those who take advantage of your kind nature. I’m happy just going along with things most of the time but some people will use you for it.
• Don’t let people take advantage of your generosity – whether it’s time or money, don’t let people take advantage of you.  It is okay to say no. What’s the worst that can happen?
• Spend time with those who make you feel cherished, valued and happy

#5. They value their self-worth

We are all human, so at some point in our life, we are going to have negative thoughts about ourselves. Happy people control these thoughts, or at least recognize when their self-worth is low. They know the moments will pass, and at the end of the day, they are just thoughts.

When your mind starts to wander to thoughts of low self-worth, or doubting yourself, spend time focusing on the good stuff. REMIND yourself of the great things you’ve done, or take yourself away to a happy moment in your life.  Being happy is all about choosing to be happy. Lacking in self-worth can be controlled just as easily as controlling your thoughts.

#6. They keep things simple

How have you felt after you cleared out your closet, or tossed/donated items you didn’t need anymore? Awesome, right? That’s the beauty of keeping things simple. “Clutter in the house clutters the mind”

“It is simple to be happy, but it is difficult to be simple”.

Our lives are complicated and busy.  I don’t know about you but I long for things how they used to be.   So how do we keep things simple? Here are a few ideas:

• Toss old stuff away. If you haven’t used it in the last 6 months, are you ever going to need it, really?
• Keep some time in your schedule clear – you deserve some time off
• You don’t need to be busy to feel validated. Being busy and being productive are two very different things
• Looking for a solution, and can’t find it right away, come back to it tomorrow. Obsessing over things for long periods is not going to get you a solution.

#7. They smile often

Yes, smiling makes people happy. When you smile, your face lights up. When you’re on the phone and you’re smiling, your demeanour changes.  EVERYONE looks and feels better when they smile.  Happy people tend to smile more. Consider this quote from Scientific American:

“It would appear the way we feel emotions isn’t just restricted to our brain—there are parts of our bodies which help to reinforce the feelings we’re having,” says Michael Lewis, a co-author of the study.

Our emotions can be affected by our physical body, too. Feeling down, stressing – SMILE!  It might just do you a bit of good, and help you improve your mood (even just temporarily).

Are you a happy person 24/7 or do you strive for it?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Confidence + Consistency = Success

The year 2017 has become the year of “positive mantras” for me.  I am stomping on the inner gremlins and growing in confidence.  Confidence + Consistency = Success!  There is nothing to stand in the way of me reaching my goals….. but me!

I have those days…. the days when the inner gremlins wake me up in the middle of night telling me how horrible I am or beating me up for not being as good as someone else.  It has been awhile since I have talked about my inner gremlins.  WHY?  Because silly me thought they were gone.  I was feeling confident, positive and ready to conquer the world.

So what happen? Life…. yup.  Nothing earth shattering just every day normal stuff.  Got lots of Nos instead of Yes’s from people I asked to book a party.  Wasn’t I working on a 100 No Challenge?  Didn’t hit the mark on my daily steps.  The numbers on the scale not going down fast enough for me.  Income (sales, etc) not where I would like it to be to keep chopping away at old debt.  Oh, then the pancakes where a little thick.  I know, silly right?  But the truth is, I am not alone.  There are many of us who give those inner gremlins a crack in the door and they come barreling through.  Who is with me?

How many of you have let those little bumps in the road effect your entire day or week or month?  Those inner gremlins see an opening and they RUN through eager to help beat you up from the inside.  The rest of the world is like “no big deal”, “things will be okay” or “have patience” while we are in crisis mode beating ourselves up.

This year, I have been taking a stand.  I am working hard to stay out of the funk and slam the door on those nasty gremlins.  I mean if you are going to have a snowball of emotions, wouldn’t you rather it be positive then negative?

‘When you face a compelling opportunity to take action, fear lulls you into inaction, enticing you to passively watch its prophecies fulfill themselves.’  ‘Your fears distort your reality. Under the warped logic of fear, anything is better than the uncertain.’

WOW!  Deep, right?  But how many times have you had an opportunity to move forward toward success – your success – and fear came calling so you stopped in your tracks?  I think all of us have been there no matter what life stage we’re at.

Our fears, our critics, our heroes, our villains are all just our excuses, our rationalizations, our shortcuts, and our justifications.  We need to choose to see through them.  Or will you let fear paralyze you from going after what you want?

We need to hold ourselves accountable for every moment, every thought, and every detail. You need to see beyond your fears. Recognize your assumptions. Harness your internal strength. Silence your inner gremlins. Correct your misconceptions about success. Accept your strengths and your weaknesses, and understand the difference.  Open your heart to your bountiful blessings.

For me, it comes with positive mantras every morning.   I will admit, the “train your brain” concept was often lost on me.  I LOVE Dana Wilde BUT I always let fear and doubt overrule the training in my brain.  I borrowed some of Dana’s mantras, some from others I admire in business and some I wrote on my own.  I have found when the inner gremlins come knocking, I go to my office, read my mantras, take 5 minutes to feel them and visualize where I want to be personally and professionally.  It works!

So here are some of my mantras:

• I am a successful CEO
• I am making a difference in the lives of others
• I am confident and strong
• My incoming money far exceeds my outgoing
• I am a blessed child of God
• I am at my goal weight and easily maintain it

You get the idea, right?  I BELIEVE these things are going to happen.  I have decided NOT to let fear take control of my success.  What about you?

These words of wisdom may inspire you:

Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. ― Bruce Lee

The way to happiness: Keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry. Live simply, expect little, give much. Scatter sunshine, forget self, think of others. Try this for a week and you will be surprised. ― Norman Vincent Peale

The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it. ― Thomas S. Monson

Don’t count the days, make the days count. ― Muhammad Ali

Life’s a marathon, not a sprint. ― Phillip C. McGraw

What will be your mantra as you reach for your success?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!