MS will Not Define Me

Feeling Defeated???

If you feel defeated or have ever felt like it, know you are not alone!

Since March when COVID became our way of life, I’ve seen many posts about people who feel like their whole life is falling apart.  I will admit, I had those fleeting moments too.  You know the feeling when it seems like no matter how hard you try, you aren’t able to do anything about it.  We want to fix, manage and control things.  The very people you thought would stand beside you forever turned and walked away.   Those days when the waves of hopelessness flooded your heart and clouded your mind, inching you closer and closer to simply giving up.   The mere thought of facing one more day filled your heart with pain, fear and too much uncertainty to manage.  Who has been there? Maybe not during COVID but at other times in your life….

As a recovering addict who battles with MS, I will admit those days still happen.  I want you to know you are not alone.  There are others who have already been there.

People who know me, know I’m not a quitter…I never have been.  I usual face things with the confidence I will overcome and things will get better.  Honestly, there have been times when I’ve felt like giving up and waving the white flag of defeat. I’m not immune to having the feelings of being overwhelmed, weak and uncertain.  I have tried to do things my way only to find out I created more of a mess.  Those days when MS kicks my butt with brain fog, confusion and aching throughout my body.  Or the days when I  feel as if I’m not “enough” – frustrated with my weight loss efforts and life in general.  I struggle with admitting I’m powerless.  I struggle with wanting things my way.  

Recently, I saw a post about Emperor Tamerlane who was badly defeated in battle. He ran from the battle and hid in a barn. Enemy troops searched the countryside for him. By this time he was depressed, his troops had been terribly defeated and scattered, and he didn’t know what he was going to do.

It was then he noticed an ant trying to push a giant kernel of corn up over a stone wall. As he watched this ant attempt to do the impossible, he counted its futile efforts to see how many times the ant would try until it gave up.

One, two, three… twenty… forty… sixty-nine times the ant tried and failed to push the kernel over the wall. But in one last push, on the seventieth try, the ant made it. Leaping to his feet, Tamerlane excitedly said to the ant, “If you can do it, then so can I.” That day he changed his outlook, reorganized his forces, went back and defeated the enemy.

This story reminded me of the “Little Engine that Could” book I was given my first time in recovery by a friend who was also my boss at the time.  It was this book which helped to remind me on a daily basis things would get better.  Life did get better and then I thought I had things under control.  BIG mistake…..I know I squirreled but I do when I am writing (or talking, LOL).

I know you have probably heard it a million times but you can do it too!  On the outside, people don’t understand every day living with MS is a struggle for me.  On the outside things look easy but on the inside I am attempting the impossible – searching for memories, struggling to find the right words, and trying to carry on conversations.  Add my character defects (yup, I have them) linked to being a recovering addict and you have a “hot mess”.  just like the ant I failed more than once…but I don’t quit.  

I push, get exhausted, try some more, fail, rest, but still get up and try again.  I admit I am powerless in trying to fix, manage and control things.  I push through weakness, dizziness, muscle spasms, and a lack of sleep.  I push through going to meetings because I need to know I am not alone.  I push through feelings of comparison when it comes to my business.  I push and keep on pushing at everything I do. There are days when even a simple trip to the mailbox is a struggle.  

Do I still craft?  YES!  Do I still do puzzles? YES!  Do I still plan meals?  YES (if I didn’t, I never know what we would eat, LOL).  Do I still work my business?  YES (most days)!  Why do I keep pushing….. I think of the little ant who reminds us we can do it. The fight is worth it.  We can make it. Even though things look as if they are impossible, there is still some possibility there. Today, let me be the ant for you.  Remember “impossible” is actually “I’m possible”.

Don’t let the fact a situation, a person, an addiction or a health issue cause you to feel defeated. You can’t stop trying. You can’t stop pushing. Don’t let it win…now PUSH!

I haven’t written in awhile, not sure what to say or what to write about.  This morning, this was heavy on my heart so I figured someone needed to hear it.  I was also surprised by the number of people who keep stopping by my blog to check it out even though I haven’t been writing.  I’m grateful for my readers.  I’m grateful for those who support my business.  It is because I can make a difference in the life of one person I keep on pushing….

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Woohoo Wednesday

What Does Fun Mean to You?

Camel_Oman-1

Guess what day it is???? That’s right, it is HUMP day which means it is WOOHOO Wednesday.

I LOVE to celebrate!  I have found that by celebrating at least 3 things EVERY DAY, my perspective on life has changed.  I no longer hang out for hours with Negative Nellie or Doubtful Debbie.  I SQUASH those inner gremlins and send them on their way.

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It has been a rough two months for me – health wise and with the JOB.  So I want to do some celebrating of things that are FUN!  When was the last time that you treated yourself to ANYTHING?  Maybe it was a bubble bath or that special coffee or maybe it was just sitting and watching the sunrise/sunset.  Maybe it was playing in the park with the kids?

Think about it… what is your idea of fun?  I have to be honest, for a LONG time I wasn’t sure that I even knew what FUN was.  As a busy working single mom, fun was doing things with Belinda.  Then the empty nest syndrome snuck in.  Left my full-time job, Belinda moved to North Carolina now it is just hubby and I.  We are creating our own NEW ideas of what fun is.  Sometimes we have FUN together and then there are times that we do things apart.

I absolutely LOVED Eryka Peskin‘s definition of fun: “By fun I want you to be frivolous. I want you to do things that have no other value other than making you laugh or feel good.”

Life is filled with LOTS and LOTS of stuff to do and it isn’t long before we push aside things that are fun.  I know it is intentional – life gets in the way.  Now, I know that some of you enjoy cleaning or cooking or running with the kids – to you that is fun.  But at the end of the day are you energized?  I mean what could re-cahrge you more than some basic fun.

 

I know that fun varies from person to person BUT I want you to figure out what’s FUN for you, do it, and celebrate it!  We are so worthy of having FUN!

Here are my three things to CELEBRATE having fun:

 

I celebrate that I spent an hour just working on a puzzle which at that moment I thought was a total waste of time BUT it was fun.

I celebrate that hubby and I watched a movie (I don’t even remember the name) but it was so dumb that I laughed out loud.  It felt good to laugh at something so silly.

 

 

I celebrate hanging out with friends.  Just talking and laughing over everything and nothing.

Fun-Loving

What are you going to do to have FUN today?  Share it with us so that we can all CELEBRATE together.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!