Hope Wissel, Unclutter Your Life

The Bully in Your Head

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TGIF!  This is the start of an exciting (and emotional) weekend – it is my 40th HS Reunion.  Yes, I graduated HS in 1975.  Over the last several weeks, there have been lots of pictures floating around including the one above from the 4th grade.  I am in the back row, 2nd from the right.

I am excited to see many old friends, introduce hubby to them and finally SQUASH the inner gremlin bully that lurks in my head.  Maybe you have one too.  “Who do you think you are?”  “You aren’t as good as ….”  Some days the bully is loud and intimidating while on other days he sleeps.  Yet without fail, he shows up to shake your confidence.  Mine has slept a lot over the last few months resting for this weekend.

Maybe you can relate.  Maybe you are applying for a new job, asking for a raise or starting your own business.  Maybe you are seeing friends and family who push your buttons. You know that you are successful.  You have awesome skills.  You have a business (or the job) that you love. You are confident.  Just as you walk in the door  — the bully rears its ugly head. “You’re not good enough, people are going to laugh at you,” What do you do? “No, what is your real job”  Do you retreat and go home?  Or do you fight the bully?

Thank you to the AWESOME Traci Bild for these five strategies that will calm the noise in your head:

1. Stay focused on what it is you want:  Talk to the Universe putting ONLY the positives out.  Move into the driver’s seat and redirect your thoughts to focus on what it is you want, what you can do, will have and are capable of.  Positive thoughts NOT negative ones.  Remember, you get what you put your focus on.

2. Restate damaging thoughts:  So what do you do when those negative thoughts creep in? The next time the bully shows up, take the damaging thoughts or words and restate them to emphasize what you want. If your thought is, “You will never have a successful business!” Restate to, “I am a success because I can pay my bills and enjoy my life as a result of it.”  Say it over and over because it’s going to feel odd, it will work.  You may have to “fake it till you make it” but as you speak the positive into the Universe, good things will come to you.

3. Retrain your brain:  How? Surround yourself by positive or inspiring thought patterns. Placed laminated quotes, images and inspiring words on your vanity mirror the refrigerator, and in your office.  As your mind naturally wonders to them, reading them multiple times a day, you are re-training your brain, every day, to focus on what it is you can do, and are capable of.  You are giving yourself the tools to battle the bully in your head. Over time, your mind will naturally focus on what you can do rather than what you can’t and that is power!

4. Protect your dream:  This one really surprised me but makes perfect sense.  Be careful who you share your dreams with. People are quick to remind you of “what you can’t do or why” because they haven’t defeated the bully in their own head. Confide only in those who support and encourage you or else risk another bully- this one outside of your head and in your circle of influence.

5. Use the risk-reward formula: Whenever you’re making a big decision ask yourself  — what’s the worst thing that can happen? If you can live with the worst case scenario, take the risk and move forward. If  you can’t then don’t; it’s that simple.

Will this squash the bully forever?  Probably not, he will will return to test the waters, to see if you’ve weakened your resolve and if it’s able to penetrate your mind enough to derail you. Be sure to fight back. Focus on what you want, can do, will have and the way it will feel once you’ve accomplished your goal.

Who is ready to reach for their goals and STOMP out that inner gremlin?

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Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!