Do You Want To Be Successful?

Today is all about helping you to reach the goals (or resolutions) you set on January 1st.  To become successful, may not mean adding more things to your life, it may mean you need to give some things.

1. Give Up On The Unhealthy Lifestyle

If you want to achieve anything in life, everything starts here. First, you should take care of your health, and there are only three things you need to keep in mind:

1. Quality Sleep
2. Healthy Diet
3. Physical Activity

Small steps, but you will thank yourself one day.

2. Give Up On Playing Small

If you never try and take chances or allow your dreams to become realities, you will never unleash your true potential.  As a result, the world will never benefit from what you could have achieved.

3. Give Up Your Excuses

Successful people are responsible for their life, no matter their starting point, weaknesses, and past failures.  Realizing you are responsible for what happens in your life is both frightening and exciting.  The truth is excuses limit and prevent us from growing personally and professionally.

4. Give Up The Fixed Mindset

Change your mindset – change your life!  Successful people invest a lot of of time on a daily basis to develop a growth mindset, acquire new knowledge, learn new skills and change their perception so it can benefit their lives.

5. Give Up Believing In The “Magic Wand.”

There is no such thing as “overnight success”.  Successful people make small consistent improvements every day which compound over time and give their desired results.  Plan for the future, but focus on the day ahead of you, and improve just 1% every day.

6. Give Up Your Perfectionism

Nothing will ever be perfect, no matter how much you try.  Fear of failure (or even fear of success) prevents you from taking action and putting your creation out there in the world. But a lot of opportunities will be lost if you wait for things to be right.

7. Give Up Multi-tasking

Successful people know this.  They choose one thing and beat it into submission. No matter what it is — a business idea, a conversation, or a workout.  Being fully present and committed to one task is indispensable.

8. Give Up On Saying YES To Things If They Don’t Support Your Goals

Successful people know in order to accomplish their goals, they will have to say NO to certain tasks, activities, and demands from their friends, family, and colleagues.  It is a short-term sacrifice, but when you achieve your goals, it will all be worth it.

9. Give Up The Toxic People

The people you spend the most time with add up to who you become.  If you spend time with those who refuse to take responsibility for their life, always find excuses and blame others for the situation they are in, your average will go down, and with it your opportunity to succeed.

However, if you spend time with people who are trying to increase their standard of living, and grow personally and professionally, your average will go up, and you will become more successful.

Take a look at around you, and see if you need to make any changes.

10. Give Up Your Need To Be Liked

Think of yourself as a market niche.  There will be a lot of people who like the niche, and there will be individuals who don’t. And no matter what you do, you won’t be able to make everyone like you.  This is completely natural, and there’s no need to justify yourself.  The only thing you can do is to remain authentic, improve and provide value every day, and know that the growing number of “haters” means that you are doing remarkable things.

I’m not going to say it will be easy… some of these I struggle with every day BUT I am determined to reach my goals and MY definition success in 2018.  What about you?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Do You Struggle with Confidence?

Are you a people pleaser?  If so, you may struggle with confidence.  Why do I say that?  Well, as people pleasers, our world can be crushed when some says “they are disappointed in us” or they get upset with us.  Our confidence is shaken and the inner gremlins begin to bounce around in our head.

As we start a new year, it is time to work towards a new you.  One who is confident and believes you are good enough.  My goal in life has always been to bring a smile to the face of others.  Somewhere along the way, the people pleaser side took over and I lost myself.

Last year, I caught glimpses of how talented I was yet there was something deep inside me which believed I wasn’t good enough.  On the days I feel confident, I know I am good at running my businesses and the joy shines out for all to see.  On the days those inner gremlins are chipping away at my confidence, I sit in wonder and doubt about everything I have done in my life or am planning on doing.  Those days can be crippling.

I’m sure I am not alone.  Many of us have been taught to “fake it until we make it”.  For some it works – they can mask their lack of confidence closing the door on those inner gremlins.  There are others (like me) who wear their emotions on their sleeve.  How many times have you been told “get over it”, “pull yourself together”, or the one which makes me the craziest “you should be over this already”.

Sometimes it is more complicated.  Sometimes, it is tough to get over the self-limiting beliefs which have haunted us for years.  We can overcome them with compassion, and patience.

#1 Get to the heart of it

Your struggle with confidence exists for a reason. Maybe someone told you once you weren’t good enough. Maybe you weren’t nurtured growing up. Maybe you were crushed too many times.  Painful, horrible, heartbreaking things can happen in our lives. Some big, some small, which all affect how we feel about ourselves.  Diving deep into these experiences and our stories can help us connect the dots to see where we are now.

#2 But don’t live there

We get stuck!   Once we own the things which shaped and affected our confidence, it’s easy to feel defeated, overwhelmed, and even a little angry.  But we can’t stay in there because we can’t thrive if we do.  It’s our job to move forward, rewriting the stories we’ve told ourselves.  We need to grow confidence in our skills and in ourselves moving forward every day.  The most important part is  letting go of the things which don’t serve us along the way.

#3 Surround yourself with the right things

Everything we surround ourselves with shapes our perspective and experience – it all matters.  We need to surround ourselves with people who believe in us, who inspire us, and who cheer us on every step of the way.  Look for ways to push yourself to be the very best version of you.  STOMP out those inner gremlins which make you feel small or overwhelmed. It is important to nurture your mind and your body. Fill your days with the things which bring you joy, inspires you to take action, and supports you to show up with a whole heart to your work and your life.

#4 Focus on you, not your fears

Fear can be healthy and it is an unavoidable part of living life. But when we devote our time and energy to honing, growing, and nurturing ourselves, we can grow confident in our creative work and life.  The more we show ourselves what we’re capable of, the more we build grow and the more confident we become.  Don’t let self-doubt and fear distract you from becoming the crazy-awesome creative person you’re meant to be.

#5 You’re the one who your lack of confidence hurts the most

OUCH!  This is and was the toughest realization for me.  If I give into my fears, if I let my self-doubt take the wheel, the person who suffers the most is me.  Believe me is won’t be easy – facing ourselves, our biggest fears, and our toughest experiences.  By believing we are capable of more, and we are worthy of running in the direction of a life which feels true to us takes a whole lot of courage.  Becoming confident takes time.  We need to show up every day, even when this inner gremlins in our head are telling us we should quit.  We need to push through the crap so we can get to the good stuff.

The truth is: it’s always, always, worth it.  When we believe in ourselves, once we bear witness to our gifts, strengths, and creativity, we can start to do incredible work in the world and  build a life which is impactful, fulfilling, and sustainable.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Are You Ready for the Sandpaper People?

Thank you Mary Southerland for today’s message:

I sometimes think the holiday season should come with a warning label that reads, “The Sandpaper People are coming!” Holidays usher in many things – one of which is the opportunity to deal with the difficult people in our lives. The relative that irritated you last Thanksgiving may very well do the same exasperating things this year. The people waiting in line with you will most likely be impatient and grumpy, and the person checking you out will probably be exhausted and running on fumes. Now is the time to get ready to deal with your sandpaper people – the people who rub you the wrong way.

God created us with the capacity for strong emotions. Sandpaper people not only have an uncanny knack for knowing where emotional buttons are located, they honestly think it is their purpose in life to push every single one of them. Our first reaction to the incessant and calculated button pushing of a sandpaper person is usually angry retaliation, a response that neither honors nor pleases God.

God calls us to peaceful resolutions. When it comes to difficult relationships, God does not want or expect us to declare war. We are to control our emotions instead of allowing our emotions to control us. The Apostle Paul writes in Romans 12:18, “As much as is possible, live peaceably with all men.” In other words, we need to set our mind on peace – not winning.

God’s wants us to wage peace in every relationship – including the roughest, most abrasive, anger producing sandpaper people who come our way. A formidable task, since every sandpaper person I have ever known comes complete with a set agenda that targets emotional eruptions and creates constant relationships upheavals.

Have you noticed how sandpaper people seem to love drama and create it everywhere they go? They also love a good fight, live to evoke angry reactions, and are fierce warriors who are determined to win every battle initiated by their downright irritating personalities.

I have learned an important maneuver for dealing with difficult people. Combat is impossible when one of the parties involved has laid down his or her weapons and chosen peace.

As I headed to the grocery store for my dreaded weekly shopping trip, I wrestled with my attitude. You have to understand that I absolutely hate grocery shopping. But on this particular morning, I vowed to choose joy, and turned my focus to the balmy Florida day before me. I had it all under control – until I pulled into the grocery store parking lot.

It seemed like every South Florida resident was in that parking lot frantically searching for a parking space – and they were not happy. After circling several times, I spotted an empty spot right by the entrance. God does answer prayer.

I made a beeline for “my” parking space. Just as I turned to pull in, an older lady boldly stepped into that prized space and, with great ceremony, held up her left hand, signaling me to stop right where I was. With her right hand, this self-imposed traffic director began motioning to a man I assumed was her husband as he circled the parking lot in his very large car.

I suddenly realized that she was saving “my” spot for him. Of all the nerve! What incredible gall!

Parking spaces are a serious matter to me. Evidently, I was not the only one who felt that way. In the midst of my simmering, soon-to-explode anger, this still small voice reminded me that I had a choice to make. I really hated surrendering my anger to God, but the thought of apologizing to that woman for running over her with my car was more than my mind could conceive or my stomach could handle. I quickly decided that if she was willing to risk her life for a grocery store parking space, she deserved to have it.

Unfortunately, the driver behind me did not agree, and whipped her car into the prized space just in front of the man in his large car, barely missing the woman who was saving the space. I watched the scene unfold – or explode. Crude gestures and loud, repulsive words filled the air. Some I understood. Some I had never heard and did not care to define. Threats were exchanged along with promises of retribution.

The whole experience was an ugly reminder that we live in a world filled with angry people who are constantly rubbing each other the wrong way. Sandpaper people. And while it is true that everyone gets angry from time to time, it is just as true that everyone can learn to effectively control and manage his or her anger.

When dealing with a sandpaper person, we must not allow ourselves to become the enemy. As you get ready for Thanksgiving Day, remember to prepare your heart to love the hard-to-love people that come your way.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Prescription For Peace: RELEASE

Matthew 6:14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. (NIV)

Thank you to Tracie Miles for her awesome blog.. This section stopped me in my tracks:

“She hurt my feelings. I have forgiven her, but I still can’t get past it”, said my friend.

Her statement made me stop and think…….is forgiveness really forgiveness, if we can’t get past the situation? Have we really forgiven, if we are still harboring resentment?  The Bible clearly answers this question with a resounding no, and it actually is not the way that the dictionary defines it either.  Forgiveness in the dictionary is defined as: “to grant pardon to (a person); to cease to feel resentment against; to cancel an indebtedness or liability of.”

Even in the secular definition, forgiveness is described as not only pardoning an offense, but ceasing to feel resentful. Canceling the debt from our memory bank, instead of putting it on a mental shelf where we can pull it out from time to time.

I have to admit this was me!  Believe it or not, this all happened almost a year ago and I still couldn’t let it go.  In my head and with my words, I had forgiven this person but the truth was – I still hadn’t gotten past it.  I continued to bring it up especially on those days when Debbie Doubtful made an appearance in my life.  The RELEASE part wasn’t happening.  The result was the joy was being stolen out of my business.

Traci talks about how this “poison” effects all areas of our life in the form of stress.  I was stressing comparing my business to theirs and stressing over things that I had no control over.  I was ultimately taking the focus off of God’s plan for MY life and putting the focus on them.  WOW!  Was this a wake up call for me.

I needed to do more than forgive this person who I am sure is clueless about the control that I had given her over my life. I needed to RELEASE this in order to have true peace.  A part of me wanted to hold on to that hurt – I mean wasn’t that a good excuse if I didn’t do as well as she did?  I wanted to blame her for mistakes that I made.  Polly People Pleaser sure was having a field day as I was jumping through hoops for someone else.

The day that I felt true RELEASE from this hurt, things started to turn around.  I wasn’t obsessed with how she was doing, what she was doing, and how she was doing it.  I wasn’t thinking about how I could impress her – truth is I never was going to do that.  I actually started to help her, the best way I knew how, to be the best in her business.   I wasn’t perfect and it was okay.  She may not accept the help and that was okay too.

As I forgive AND RELEASE – I am excited about the growth in my business.  I have new recruits.  I am booking parties and sales are growing.  I have turned my business over to God and am following his path, whatever that may be.  I have a God-sized dream and I know that in his time – it will happen.  Do I regret the time that I have wasted?  YES but this has been a learning lesson for me.  Sort of like developing a thick skin for sandpaper people…I had to go through it to grow.

I challenge you today – Commit to doing some emotional releasing today, and you will take great strides in your journey to become less stressed. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Sandpaper People

This week has been filled with “sandpaper people” and I have to admit I am tired!  Tired of allowing my JOY to be stolen.  Tired of allowing fear and negative thoughts put a damper on my success.  Tired of just defending myself and my actions without any success.  I am sure many of you know what I mean.  Who doesn’t have a person in their life that rubs them the wrong way?  It could be because they said something hurtful and you have yet to bless and release.  Maybe they are just abrasive – with not a lot of people skills.  Or they are just plain mean – you know one of those “mean girls“.  I have had my share this week or should I say more than my share.  I have been told that if I am going to be in the “people” business, I need a tougher skin, you would think after 25 years in social services I would have one!

I am truly looking for a way to smooth out those sandpaper people – learn how to handle those difficult relationships.  I don’t mean just avoiding because in some cases, you can’t.  Maybe it is a boss, a co-worker, a neighbor – generally someone you are bound to come in contact with EVERY DAY.  I found a devotional in “Girlfriends in God”  on this subject.  Proverbs 16:7, ESV states “when a man’s ways please the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him“.  I get it – tough relationships are a part of life but why is it that I allow my emotions in these situations to control me instead of me controlling my emotions.  WOW!  I mean there are at least TWO sandpaper people that not only trigger my emotions but also send me on a whirlwind downward tailspin to a place alongside Doubtful Debbie, Fearful Fran and Negative Nellie.

Starting TODAY, I am going to wage peace with the sandpaper people.   Many of these people LOVE a good fight and are looking to win every battle or PROVE that they are right making themselves feel superior to those around them.  They can’t fight or argue if I am not armed and ready to fight (or defend myself).  Do I need to defend my success or the work I have accomplished? NO!  For me, the easiest way to do this is to take a deep breath AND repeat the Serenity Prayer.  This simple prayer has gotten me through more difficult situations than I can count since I entered recovery almost 23 years ago.  “God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.  YOUR will not mine be done”.   Putting my trust in God to help me overcome the challenges will help me to find peace in these difficult situations.

Who are YOUR sandpaper people?  Let’s be honest, we all have someone in our lives that is irritating or rubs us the wrong way, right?  What are you going to do so that YOU don’t allow them to steal your JOY?  I challenge you to make peace with your sandpaper people today.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!