Hope Wissel

Grow Your Self Confidence

Did you know 62% of all girls feel insecure about themselves?  How about 4 in 5 women have low self-esteem?  For some low self-esteem feels like a life sentence with no chance of escape.

Self Confidence by definition is realistic confidence in one’s own judgment, ability, power, etc.

With such a simple definition, why is is so hard at times to wrap our head around the idea?   I battle the inner gremlins of low self-esteem as well as a lack of self-confidence.  Honestly, I don’t know when it all started but I’m sure it goes back to those formative years in middle school.  I’ve learned (okay, so still learning some days), we each have our own unique story, and with help we can rebuild our life and rewrite our story.

The words self-esteem and self-confidence are usually interchangeable when we talk about our struggles but there is a distinct difference between the two:

Self Esteem is determined by whether you believe you’re worthy of respect from others

Self Confidence is whether you believe in yourself.

When we rebuild our confidence, we are actually retraining our brain to recognize our worth thereby increasing our self-esteem. Here are a few of my favorite tips which have helped me fight those nasty inner gremlins.

1. Dress for Success.

I am guilty of NOT dressing for success when my confidence is waining and my self-esteem is low.  How often are you worried about what others will think of you based on how you are dressed?  Feel like you are stuck in a rut? Battling with self-consciousness?  Take a minute to focus on your appearance. Scary, right?  When you feel good about how you look, your confidence will shine through.

Have a favorite outfit which always gets you compliments?  Wear it.  Need a hair cut?  Pamper yourself and get one. What makes you feel good?  It is a simple pedicure – go get one.  I’m not saying go on a spending spree, but you need to dress for success.  Use the things in your closet or check out a local thrift store for some great finds.  Working from home, I have found the sweats and no make up are an every day thing.  I find when I “dress” for work even at home with a little bit of makeup, I feel good.  When I feel good, I am confident.

2. Positive Thinking

I know I talk about it a lot but the truth is changing the way we think can change the outcomes in our life.  There are some amazing people out there who teach this – Dana Wilde at Train Your Brain; Eryka Peskin with her fierce cheerleading; and of course, Norman Vincent Peale in his book Positive Self Image or The Secret.

Negative thoughts bring more negative thoughts.  When you learn to shift your mindset, you gain the ability to see things in a new light, which in turn provides new alternatives and better outcomes.  Daily affirmations from Dana Wilde and The Secret have helped me to fight and win most days the battle with the inner gremlins.

3. Invest in others deeply

This one probably sounds the craziest right?  If you have low confidence and low self-esteem, how can you possibly get to know others and build a relationship with them?

By taking the focus off of you and putting it on them.  As you start getting to know someone else, asking questions beyond the surface they will see you are genuinely interested in them.  As we start to care for others helping them to feel seen and heard while building a rapport with them, we are letting our own light shine.

We talk about this a lot in direct sales but the truth is when I do it every day, I have gained confidence.  I started many years ago as a newly recovering addict who was helping individuals during the early years of the AIDS epidemic.  My focus was on helping to improve their quality of life and through it, I became an expert in my field.  Confident, letting my light shine.  Most days, I consider my work in direct sales the same way.  Helping others with organizing or gift giving or just feeling good about themselves.  When I focus on helping others instead of “needing sales”, my confidence sparkles.  As an introvert (yes, I really am), I know it can be hard so it is something I am aware of and practice being more open to receiving every day.

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What is your best tip for boosting your confidence or has helped you to raise your self-esteem?  Share them with us…

Have  ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Feel Good Friday

Stop The Comparison Game

12414868-Stop-sign-illustration-Stock-Vector-noWOOHOO!  It is the weekend, okay, the start of it and it is Feel Good Friday!  The day when we squash those inner gremlins who want to keep you from being happy…

When was the last time you compared yourself to someone else?  Over the years, I’ve compared myself to others when it came to school, looks, money, my business and more. The first step in stopping the “comparison game” is to acknowledge it.  The truth is everyone has done it at one point in their life. The difference is what happens after the comparison…

Some people compare themselves to others to determine their personal value which usually ends up with us feeling like crap, right?  Negative thoughts bring more negative thoughts.  Or do you play the comparison game and get inspired.  Does it motivate you to change your situation?  Honestly, this doesn’t happen to most people and in the end results in more negative thoughts.  Either way, by comparing yourself to others, you are holding yourself back.

Sure, you may not be able to reach a goal as quickly as someone else or it may require more hard work, but it doesn’t mean everything is impossible for you. Everyone is on a different path, and there are people who are better or worse off than you.  Instead of comparing your path to those around you, why not focus on what you can do to make your dream a reality.

Here is how you can stop comparing yourself to others…..

#1 – Realize comparisons are often negative and most of the time they do not help.

As Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”  Be happy for others and instead of feeling jealous be happy for their success of others.  Good things can happen to other people, it doesn’t mean your life is any less important or any less of a success.  By being happy for others, you’ll learn to accept yourself and let more positivity into your life.

#2 – Be motivated, not competitive.

Be inspired by other’s success or happiness. The next time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone, think about how you could possibly do something similar (if it’s what you truly want to do). Use others achievements as inspiration for your own life and goals.

#3 – Take a break from social media.

This is tough in today’s world so why not “stop following” those who you play the comparison game with.  I am still friends with some people BUT I don’t check their news feed for snipits of their wonderful life.  Social media can be fun but you are just seeing carefully selected pieces of someone’s life.

#4 – Be confident.

I compare myself to others because I tend to lack self confidence.  While I’m not as confident as I would like to be, I am getting better.  Gaining confidence can help you too.  Yes, you can learn to be more confident.  When you are confident, you will learn how to stop comparing yourself to others because you believe in yourself.

#5 Be positive and happy with who you are.happy dance

No matter how life may be going for you, I believe a positive outlook can help to improve your life. It’s all about being grateful for what you already have. Everyone experiences sadness, anger, being scared, etc., and sometimes it can be difficult to see the positive or to be happy in spite of the circumstances.  Negative thoughts keep you feeling stuck with the feeling like there is no way out of your problems, and zero options. While being positive helps you realize you are able to do things, you are in control of your life, and the little things will not kill you.  You will be able to move on and deal with stressful situations better.

#6 – No one is perfect.perfect1

Accept your past and present, realizing you can make changes for the future if you truly desire to do so.  You may be at the beginning of the journey while someone else is at the middle or end.  You don’t know what they’ve been through, so you can end the comparison game.

 

These things are sometimes easier said then done.  Pick one and focus on it if you can’t fathom doing them all at once.  Find YOUR dream, then figure our YOUR action plan.

How could you stop comparing yourself to others?

 

Unclutter Your Life

Confidence + Consistency = Success

16406522_10158289269920220_2415783648138027923_nThe year 2017 has become the year of “positive mantras” for me.  I am stomping on the inner gremlins and growing in confidence.  Confidence + Consistency = Success!  There is nothing to stand in the way of me reaching my goals….. but me!

I have those days…. the days when the inner gremlins wake me up in the middle of night telling me how horrible I am or beating me up for not being as good as someone else.  It has been awhile since I have talked about my inner gremlins.  WHY?  Because silly me thought they were gone.  I was feeling confident, positive and ready to conquer the world.

So what happen? Life…. yup.  Nothing earth shattering just every day normal stuff.  Got lots of Nos instead of Yes’s from people I asked to book a party.  Wasn’t I working on a 100 No Challenge?  Didn’t hit the mark on my daily steps.  The numbers on the scale not going down fast enough for me.  Income (sales, etc) not where I would like it to be to keep chopping away at old debt.  Oh, then the pancakes where a little thick.  I know, silly right?  But the truth is, I am not alone.  There are many of us who give those inner gremlins a crack in the door and they come barreling through.  Who is with me?

How many of you have let those little bumps in the road effect your entire day or week or month?  Those inner gremlins see an opening and they RUN through eager to help beat you up from the inside.  The rest of the world is like “no big deal”, “things will be okay” or “have patience” while we are in crisis mode beating ourselves up.

This year, I have been taking a stand.  I am working hard to stay out of the funk and slam the door on those nasty gremlins.  I mean if you are going to have a snowball of emotions, wouldn’t you rather it be positive then negative?

‘When you face a compelling opportunity to take action, fear lulls you into inaction, enticing you to passively watch its prophecies fulfill themselves.’  ‘Your fears distort your reality. Under the warped logic of fear, anything is better than the uncertain.’

WOW!  Deep, right?  But how many times have you had an opportunity to move forward toward success – your success – and fear came calling so you stopped in your tracks?  I think all of us have been there no matter what life stage we’re at.

Our fears, our critics, our heroes, our villains are all just our excuses, our rationalizations, our shortcuts, and our justifications.  We need to choose to see through them.  Or will you let fear paralyze you from going after what you want?

We need to hold ourselves accountable for every moment, every thought, and every detail. You need to see beyond your fears. Recognize your assumptions. Harness your internal strength. Silence your inner gremlins. Correct your misconceptions about success. Accept your strengths and your weaknesses, and understand the difference.  Open your heart to your bountiful blessings.

For me, it comes with positive mantras every morning.   I will admit, the “train your brain” concept was often lost on me.  I LOVE Dana Wilde BUT I always let fear and doubt overrule the training in my brain.  I borrowed some of Dana’s mantras, some from others I admire in business and some I wrote on my own.  I have found when the inner gremlins come knocking, I go to my office, read my mantras, take 5 minutes to feel them and visualize where I want to be personally and professionally.  It works!

So here are some of my mantras:

  • I am a successful CEO
  • I am making a difference in the lives of others
  • I am confident and strong
  • My incoming money far exceeds my outgoing
  • I am a blessed child of God
  • I am at my goal weight and easily maintain it

You get the idea, right?  I BELIEVE these things are going to happen.  I have decided NOT to let fear take control of my success.  What about you?a9ce067d6dba4e03b97b2ee477af0070

These words of wisdom may inspire you:

Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. ― Bruce Lee

The way to happiness: Keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry. Live simply, expect little, give much. Scatter sunshine, forget self, think of others. Try this for a week and you will be surprised. ― Norman Vincent Peale

The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it. ― Thomas S. Monson

Don’t count the days, make the days count. ― Muhammad Ali

Life’s a marathon, not a sprint. ― Phillip C. McGraw

What will be your mantra as you reach for your success?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Hope Wissel

How To Boost Your Self-Confidence

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Do you know what day it is???? If it is Wednesday, it is HUMP day which means that it is WOOHOO Wednesday.  A day where we talk about YOU!   We are going to CELEBRATE you!

My word for this year is CONFIDENCE but some days it is more about self-confidence then it is about confidence in my business journey.  For years, my confidence wained because of other people or things or society constantly reminding me that I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, rich enough, stylish enough, or whatever enough.

I’m done with all that.

Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle with my insecurities but the difference is that I know how to overcome the bad days.  I have never felt more confident in my life.  So, if you are struggling with “self-confidence” here are some tips:

1. Let go of people that are not positive influences in your life.

We all know that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes, right?  I love this analogy by Valerie Burton:

If you are not being treated with the love and respect you deserve, check your price tag. Perhaps you’ve marked yourself down. It’s you that determines your worth by what you accept from others. Get off the clearance rack and get behind that glass case where the valuables are kept. Value yourself, and accept nothing less.

It’s really hard to walk away from people, or cut people off – especially if you love them. But you have to recognize that they are negative influences in your life. LET THEM GO (yes, I am singing FROZEN, again).  You deserve better, and you’ll find the strength to walk away.

2. Do, wear, try, anything that makes you feel beautiful.

Get dressed up (or at least out of the jammies or sweats) and go out dancing with your friends. Put makeup on and do your hair. Curl or straighten your hair just because.  I was trying hard to embrace my curls over the last few months but I wasn’t feeling it.  I actually felt like a hot mess so my confidence level started to slide.  Out came the flat iron and my straight hair – POOF!  I am feeling better about me.  I’m a jeans girl with a simple top but I am learning how to accessorize so that I feel PRETTY!  Was the first song you thought of “I feel pretty, oh so pretty”?

3. Book a ticket somewhere and just GO.

For those of us on a budget or who have a family, this may be a little tougher.  How about a mini trip ANYWHERE just to get away…  Have a slumber party with a girlfriend.  Go out and meet new people.  I am going to attend a “meet up” tonight at a local restaurant/bar just for something different.  A quick getaway may not SOLVE your problems, but it will help you to change how you VIEW your problems.

4. Laugh, a lot.

Laughter is healing – even when tears are streaming – laughter heals. There’s someone in your life that can make you laugh while you’re crying. If it’s not your mom/dad, brother/sister, or best friend – it can be your favorite comedian.  Watch a comedy stand-up, silly TV shows or sitcoms.  It’s a wonderful way to get yourself smiling.  Happiness is contagious – laughter, especially.  The more you laugh, the happier you’ll be, and the happier you are, the more happiness you’ll attract.  Remember the Law of Attraction?

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5. Discover a new passion, hobby, and work really, really hard at it.

Do you have a hobby? If so, make some time to practice so you get better. If you don’t have one – or aren’t sure what you want to do yet, try anything and everything.  The results will be that you’ll find what you DON’T like – so you will get you closer to finding out what you do like.  The feeling of accomplishment is like no other feeling in the world.

6. Put yourself first.

This is one that was the most difficult for me but it is the one that got me on a track to self-love, self-acceptance and self-confidence.  Reinvest the energy you used to spend thinking about other people into YOURSELF.  I see the eyes rolling and the thoughts of “I’m being selfish” flashing in your mind.  Believe it or not, when you put energy into yourself and become your first priority, you will be able to inspire and care for others.  I know it sounds crazy but it is true, trust me.

So, when those inner gremlins start to raise their nasty heads and have you doubting yourself – pick up your sword and FIGHT!  What are your best tips for gaining and keeping your self-confidence?

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Have a ThirtyOne-deful day!

 

Unclutter Your Life

Are You Being Seen?

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Sounds like a strange question, right?  Aren’t we are all seen by someone?   But are we really letting people “see us” – the true us or are we letting them see the face we put on because of who “we think” they want to see?

It is hard to let ourselves be seen. To open ourselves up and let go of the fear of judgment, the fear of failure, and that dreadful fear of what people will think of us.  It is important for us to let others SEE us because it frees us from the fears that are holding us back from showing our true awesomeness.  It lets our gifts shine through.  It STOMPS on those inner gremlins that make us think small.

Want to overcome those issues of being small?  It will take a little bit of work BUT it can be done.  I lived with not wanting to be seen for years.  I let my need to people-please keep me from sharing my gifts and talents.  That has changed over the last year or so and these are the steps that helped me:

Step #1. Know, really KNOW, that you are unbelievably awesome.

We need to build your self-confidence.  I know it is easier said then done, right?  I have been there.  If you aren’t there yet, just have faith that you are indeed awesome.  I BELIVE in you.  My favorite thing to do when I am feeling “less than” is to CELEBRATE my accomplishments – no matter how small.  It could be getting up in the morning and taking a shower.  Make a list of your strengths, gifts and talents.  Keep them handy so that you can act on them!  Set small doable goals and make sure you achieve them!

Step #2. Give yourself some compassion.

You know that we judge ourselves the hardest, right?  Give your self a break.  Every time you start to judge yourself, read your strengths and gifts.  Give yourself some love and space. It’s okay!  Be nice to YOU, you so deserve it!  This may take some practice but baby steps will help.  Practice a little self-care – a bubble bath, a cup of that “special” coffee or tea.  When you feel special, it will be easier to show yourself some compassion.

Step #3. Let go.

Yes, I am singing the words to FROZEN.  Do  you know how amazing it feels to “let go” of caring excessively about how others see you? OMG!  It is an amazing feeling and life changing.  When you realize that you are changing your behavior based on how someone else might see you, breathe…and tell yourself to let go. It’s so powerful.  We have very little control over how others see us.  If we let fear run our lives, we’re giving the fear and that person power over us.  Don’t you want to control your own life?

Wouldn’t you rather be uncomfortable for a few minutes then let Negative Nelly control the rest of your life?  How many of your dreams will never be reached?  How many people will miss out on your gifts and talents because of this fear?

 

 

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Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!