Woohoo Wednesday

Grow Your Self Confidence

Did you know 62% of all girls feel insecure about themselves?  How about 4 in 5 women have low self-esteem?  For some low self-esteem feels like a life sentence with no chance of escape.

Self Confidence by definition is realistic confidence in one’s own judgment, ability, power, etc.

With such a simple definition, why is is so hard at times to wrap our head around the idea?   I battle the inner gremlins of low self-esteem as well as a lack of self-confidence.  Honestly, I don’t know when it all started but I’m sure it goes back to those formative years in middle school.  I’ve learned (okay, so still learning some days), we each have our own unique story, and with help we can rebuild our life and rewrite our story.

The words self-esteem and self-confidence are usually interchangeable when we talk about our struggles but there is a distinct difference between the two:

Self Esteem is determined by whether you believe you’re worthy of respect from others

Self Confidence is whether you believe in yourself.

When we rebuild our confidence, we are actually retraining our brain to recognize our worth thereby increasing our self-esteem. Here are a few of my favorite tips which have helped me fight those nasty inner gremlins.

1. Dress for Success.

I am guilty of NOT dressing for success when my confidence is waining and my self-esteem is low.  How often are you worried about what others will think of you based on how you are dressed?  Feel like you are stuck in a rut? Battling with self-consciousness?  Take a minute to focus on your appearance. Scary, right?  When you feel good about how you look, your confidence will shine through.

Have a favorite outfit which always gets you compliments?  Wear it.  Need a hair cut?  Pamper yourself and get one. What makes you feel good?  It is a simple pedicure – go get one.  I’m not saying go on a spending spree, but you need to dress for success.  Use the things in your closet or check out a local thrift store for some great finds.  Working from home, I have found the sweats and no make up are an every day thing.  I find when I “dress” for work even at home with a little bit of makeup, I feel good.  When I feel good, I am confident.

2. Positive Thinking

I know I talk about it a lot but the truth is changing the way we think can change the outcomes in our life.  There are some amazing people out there who teach this – Dana Wilde at Train Your Brain; Eryka Peskin with her fierce cheerleading; and of course, Norman Vincent Peale in his book Positive Self Image or The Secret.

Negative thoughts bring more negative thoughts.  When you learn to shift your mindset, you gain the ability to see things in a new light, which in turn provides new alternatives and better outcomes.  Daily affirmations from Dana Wilde and The Secret have helped me to fight and win most days the battle with the inner gremlins.

3. Invest in others deeply

This one probably sounds the craziest right?  If you have low confidence and low self-esteem, how can you possibly get to know others and build a relationship with them?

By taking the focus off of you and putting it on them.  As you start getting to know someone else, asking questions beyond the surface they will see you are genuinely interested in them.  As we start to care for others helping them to feel seen and heard while building a rapport with them, we are letting our own light shine.

We talk about this a lot in direct sales but the truth is when I do it every day, I have gained confidence.  I started many years ago as a newly recovering addict who was helping individuals during the early years of the AIDS epidemic.  My focus was on helping to improve their quality of life and through it, I became an expert in my field.  Confident, letting my light shine.  Most days, I consider my work in direct sales the same way.  Helping others with organizing or gift giving or just feeling good about themselves.  When I focus on helping others instead of “needing sales”, my confidence sparkles.  As an introvert (yes, I really am), I know it can be hard so it is something I am aware of and practice being more open to receiving every day.

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What is your best tip for boosting your confidence or has helped you to raise your self-esteem?  Share them with us…

Have  ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Feel Good Friday

How To Boost Your Confidence

16427227_10158289271390220_6884375809304761406_nHappy Friday!  I’m excited because today I am picking my mom and my step dad up from the airport.  They have been in Florida soaking up the sunshine for about 2 weeks and are headed home.

It seems my Friday blogs have been centered on feeling good – about ourselves, our life and our businesses so I am going to call them “Feel Good Fridays”.

I don’t know about you but I have LOTS of inner gremlins.  Those negative thoughts which smack me alongside the head and send me into a tailspin.  The ones who make me doubt EVERYTHING.

Everyday we are hit with the way we should look, the things we should have, and what we should be doing by a certain age.  Body shaming has hit both those who are skinny and those who are “pleasing plump” as my grandfather would say.  As I get close to 60 (yes, this year), I have been doing a lot of reflecting about how these feelings have ebbed and flowed in my life.  There are days when I no longer feel the pressure to look or be a certain way. It takes work (I know I am still looking for the magic wand too!).  Then there are days when those inner gremlins win.

1. Release the pressure you put on yourself 

I have been told for years, “you are your own worst enemy“.  Yup, I (and countless others) put a huge amount of pressure on ourselves.  Perfection was replaced by progress.  Always striving for more.  The constant battle to be the best. This is when we get burnt out and it leads to us to being EXHAUSTED.  The end result is zero motivation.

The key is to block out time for yourself in your schedule no matter how busy a person you are.  The minute you make time for yourself (even 15 minutes of quiet time), you’ll feel better.  You will feel refreshed and inspired by taking a break.  You will get back your energy and believe in yourself.  Positive thinking is a very powerful tool to help you in all areas of your life.

2. Have a self-care day

I see the eyes rolling…. who has time for this, right?  Believe me, once you try it – you won’t want to live without it.  What makes you happy? Is it reading a book? Is it pampering yourself with face masks, wine and a bubble bath? Or how about spending some alone time at the park or somewhere quiet?  Whatever it is you enjoy, block out a day and do it. Turn off your phone (YIKES) and focus on yourself. It’s hard, I know. Full-time jobs/commitments make your time precious.

But remember you are precious too. Doing this will help you re-evaluate your needs and goals, rather than focusing on what others think.

3. Just say “No”

I feel like the anti-drug commercial of the the 70’s. but the truth is being a people pleaser, saying NO is hard for me.  I know I am not alone.  I would say yes to pretty much anything ignoring my own needs and wants.  As I learned to say no, I did it gradually.  I starting saying no to little things like choices in restaurants when going out to eat or an even bigger leap was saying no when I didn’t like an idea someone suggested.  Over time it becomes easier to say no more confidently. This is one of those things you need to practice to get better at….

4. Be whoever and whatever you want to be

Scrolling through social media, we find we can do pretty much anything we put our mind to. The internet makes everything possible which can be a blessing and a curse, right?  We begin to play the comparison game.  I could say stop looking at Facebook, Instagram or any other source of media source you are obsessed with but the truth is, it isn’t going to happen.

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If you struggle with your own inner gremlins, remember you can be whoever you wish to be because you are enough!   Think about and spend time on what makes you happy and you will improve your confidence and believe in yourself.  Set some goals and reward yourself when you reach them.  Gaining self-worth is something to be nurtured in order for it to grow and blossom.

5. The Inner Beauty Glow 

When you are not happy with yourself, how motivated are you to do anything?  If you feel ugly and hate yourself, you’re going to think very poorly of yourself. When you are feeling good about yourself, you are strong and confident, right?  Been there, done it and got the tee shirt.  It’s not easy believing in yourself and it takes a long time to reach a point at which you’re happy.

I heard for years, it is what is on the inside which counts – not what the outside looks like.  This was hard to swallow BUT when I started believing it, things happened. Your voice is important. Your personality is important. Your strength and resilience are so so important.  When you believe in yourself, your sparkle will begin to show on the outside.

keep calm and sparkle onSo, what do you think? Is boosting your self-confidence something you need to work on? Let me know in the comments below!

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Woohoo Wednesday

Cheerleaders VS Naysayers

 

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“Stop hating yourself for everything you aren’t. Start loving yourself for everything that you are.” ~Unknown

We all have negative thoughts that stop us dead in our tracks.  They can kill our happiness and drain our self-confidence.  Did you ever notice that the trail those negative thoughts take depends on who is around us?

When we are in public, we can “fake it till we make it”.  We can squash those negative, stuffing them down deep.  They are like a kettle waiting to boil.  We push ourselves to smile, laugh and engage in conversations.

Then when we are alone or start to confide in others, two things can happen.  First, those thoughts start to boil to the surface with lots of “should’ve”, “could’ve” or with comments like stupid, fat, dumb entering our head.   The simmer turns to a boil and we are drowning in negativity.  You share those feelings and you get  more negativity or your feelings are discounted. Strengthening the inner gremlins instead of defeating them.

Or, the second scene is my favorite. Are lives are filled with cheerleaders who help us to defeat those inner gremlins.  Those who help encourage us through good times and bad.

Are you surrounded by cheerleaders or naysayers?

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Think about the people in your life that are your cheerleaders. Cheerleaders are people who’ll rah rah you when you’re up, and who will bolster you when you’re down.  Make a list.

Now, think about the Naysayers.  This are the opposite of your cheerleaders.  Can you list 5 people in your life that are a Negative Nellie?  Yes, write them down too.

I love this quote by William Gibson:

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.

Look at your lists.  Think about how you feel about YOURSELF when you are around the cheerleaders versus the naysayers.  Who would you rather surround yourself with or have in your life?

Are there some people that are on both lists?  Yes, one person can be a cheerleader in one area and a naysayer in another.  Maybe they support you in your personal life BUT when it comes to your dreams or desires in business, they become Doubtful Debbie (or Dan).  Maybe they support your business but are highly critical of your ability to be a parent or wife.  Hopefully, you don’t have many that are on both lists.

Does the list make you a little nervous because some of the people you love (maybe even live with) are on the naysayer list?  I remember that feeling and I was scared!  I mean how could I not be around these people.  I knew that I needed to protect ME so that the inner gremlins that were lurking in the shadows did not grow into full fledge monsters.  I did that by taking baby steps and yes, some of those people are still in my life.

We ALL need more cheerleaders in our lives.  Think about the people who energize you.  The people who make you feel good when you are around them.  It is time to add more of these people to your community.  Maybe it means stepping out of your comfort zone and meeting new people.  Maybe it means building that relationship with someone you met.  The end result as you begin to do this will be that the naysayers will begin to go away.  Okay, it may not be as easy as that but it will happen.  Those that are sitting on both sides may change to being just on one list – hopefully, a cheerleader.

As you increase your confidence and squash those inner gremlins, the naysayers will not want to be around you.  They may write you off as “you’ve changed”. Or they will attack your ability to be a friend.  The truth is that they will look outside of themselves for the problem instead of looking at themselves.

When you clear away the naysayers that are filled with criticism and negativity, the truth can shine. You’ll learn to appreciate your unique strengths and attributes.  You’ll feel happier instead of  being a prisoner of those inner gremlins.  You will SPARKLE!

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Entrepreneurial Think Tank for Moms, Woohoo Wednesday

What Makes You Special?

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Today is WOOHOO Wednesday and we are going to CELEBRATE your uniqueness or those qualities that make you special.   I was inspired today to talk about this after reading a blog post by Lynette Barbieri.

If I asked you to tell me “what makes you special?“, could you do it?

It would be a struggle for me – shocking for some, I am sure.   Growing up, I didn’t want to be unique – I just wanted to fit in.  I didn’t want to be “special” because that meant that I wasn’t popular.  I didn’t know what was special about me.  I didn’t have that feeling in my gut that told me how great I was.  I wanted to hide in a corner and not be seen.  I lived that way for many years.  Then I started to squash those inner gremlins and embrace the positives qualities that are deep in my core.

In direct sales, I  often hear that you want to stand out from the pack.  I mean with thousands of consultants in your company, why would someone pick you above anyone else.  Why would they stay faithful to you?  I honestly didn’t know.  I always knew that I had a special purpose but I never knew how to express it.  Was being a good listener special?  How about helping others? Or giving to others even when you don’t have it?  I am crafty but is that special?  I can play (or used to) the piano, what is so special about that?

I am learning that all of those things are the qualities that draw people to me.  I am resourceful able to connect people with resources.  I get along with people from all different backgrounds.  I am passionate, and caring.  I want to make people smile.  I have lots of “stuff” (information) in my head but I don’t always know how to share it – just ask and I will share all I know.

The truth is that I may not believe that I have greatness inside of me BUT I DO believe that you have greatness in YOU!

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So, what about you?  What are your strengths?  I know I keep going back to that but when we lock into what those are, it will help us know where we are going.  We have to be willing to take risks to discover our purpose and to achieve greatness.  A life without risk is boring, right?

Maybe you know what your greatness is and you are afraid to share it?  You don’t have to hide it.  You don’t have to deny it.  You don’t have to worry about what other people say or think.  You need to OWN IT!

At a Leadership retreat, my mantra became “Own My Journey“.  Because the truth was that I was trying to follow everyone else’s journey.  I need and so do you to “own your journey” so that we can grow into the people sharing our gifts along with the way.  We all have our own journey.  What other people think is none of our business.

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As Vanessa Coppes, refers to it “your shining  light”!  By working with both of these ladies, I started to see my shining light and I learned that I need to let it shine more!

So, ladies, never let anyone dim that light.  Remember, life is a marathon not a sprint.

What makes you special? I would love to hear it! Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Hope Wissel

Monday Morning Ramble

Monday-Again

It’s Monday morning.  For some (like me), I love Mondays.  I get to spend the day with hubby who is off. There is nothing on my calendar after a few morning hours in my office.  We will head to lunch and if it is nice, maybe even head to the lake to take a walk.  It is the perfect way to continue a fun filled weekend!  At Saturday’s craft show I got to catch up with some old friends then again with even more at St. Paul’s Annual Variety Show.  On Sunday I got to make some new friends while helping a Kathryn get some FREE Thirty-One products.  We were #bettertogether with Thirty-One and Pink Zebra.

This is the FIRST Monday in a LONG time that I am stuck!  Yup, not sure what to talk about…..So, I am going to “ramble” about some thoughts I had while I was on the road this past weekend.  As I used my GPS, I thought about a picture that I used to have hanging in my office:

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Okay, I know it is a little strange but for awhile it kept me focused on my business when I was in my office.  It kept me from getting lost in the black hole of social media.  The work I did in my office was all income producing in an effort to build my business.  Then I thought, what is someone put one of those “pocket cams” on me for a week, what would they think is important to me based on how I spend all my time.

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YIKES!  I don’t know about you but that could be a little scary.  I mean most of us can talk a good game, right?  We can share our values, our beliefs and even our “why”.  We can share our material wants and needs. We all carry around a picture in our head of what’s important.  You could give someone a visual picture of what is important to you.  BUT if they shadowed you for a day or a week, what would they say?  We can put words to things but what about that old saying “actions speak louder than words”.

So the question is, do you spend a lot of time on certain activities? Honestly, the typical assumption is that if it’s important, we spend more time doing it.  BUT, does that really tell the whole story.  Maybe you spend most of your life at work.  Does that make it most important? As for me, I think that “quality time” should definitely replace “quantity of time” as a way to determine importance.  For me, it can all be summed up in 6 words:

Giving myself away so others smile.

So, how will you SHOW people what’s important in your life?  Believe it or not, when you find your answer, then your true self is obvious to everyone. So, let YOUR sparkle shine today!

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!