Thankful Thursday: For Truths Not Shared

Truth is defined as “that which is true or in accordance with fact or reality.”.  As my MS progresses, my memory is sketchy.  My truth relies on the memories of others…. I wonder sometimes if their truth would have been my truth in the same situation.  I am sure those around me are tired of hearing “I don’t remember that” or “here is a random memory”.    The bits and pieces of my truth are a struggle but I trust God has a plan and his will prevails.

This blog post was one I found but really seemed to apply to how things are going today….I had the pleurae of meeting Traci Bild at the Mom Grows a Business Conference several years ago.   She talked about the “7 Truths that Women are Afraid to Share“.  Here awesome excerpts, see if any of them apply to you:

1. We’re Guilty, like ALL the time: WOW!  I thought I was the only one who felt like this, so nice to know I am not alone.  The word “sorry” is something I say a lot and most of the time it is for stuff I can’t even do anything about.  I am learning to not say “sorry” except if it is something I have actually done which is definitely hard for me.

2. We WORRY about EVERYTHING: There is never enough time in the day and no matter how hard you try, you will never get everything done. There is simply too much to do.  Is your To Do List way too long with things that could probably be done with the help of others?  Just for Today, I will turn things over to God and let him handle things.

3. We’re Letting our Health Slip:  In the past, I used to do this and yes, I still do sometime.  Having a diagnosis of MS, letting things go is not an option.  There are others in my life (primarily hubby) who tend to put me before their own health concerns.  Do you have a tendency to say “I am fine” even when you are not feeling great?

4. Our Work-Life Balance Looks Like a 2-year-old on a Balance Beam: A nice term, most women simply can’t strike it. So busy living life, you don’t have time to work ON your life and find ways to create balance.  I LOVE this.  My feeble attempt to work on balance was to take the notifications off of my phone so the only time it “rings” is for an actually call OR a text message.  Novel concept huh?

5. Our love lives are on the Back Burner:  GUILTY!  Enough said.

6. We are in Constant Comparison Mode:  From my ability to maintain my goal weight, to the amount of dust bunnies taking up residence behind the couch to my business – I always compare myself to others!  Social media plays a factor in this craziness for me which is why I have left groups, unfollowed people and just try to limit my time on Facebook.  Being in recovery, I am learning more how NOT to do this.  Spend more time living your life than watching others live theirs.  

7. We’re Still Not Happy!: The end result is people are not happy. While women have more opportunity than ever before, we are more unhappy than at any other time in history. You have the power to create happiness but it requires tough decisions, laser focus on your priorities and standing by them at all cost.

So, how many of these truths are you?  Let’s be honest with each other…Just for today, I am going to focus on me, and spend some quality time with hubby and family.

Have a blessed day!

 

What Do You WANT?

It is Monday morning……

• Are you dragging yourself out of bed to start your week? OR are you looking forward to the week ahead.
• What do you WANT out of today?
• When you put your head on your pillow tonight…what would you like to have FINISHED?
• What PROGRESS could you make on your goals today?

I am blessed with no “brain fog” this morning.  I may still move a little slower getting out of but I am ready to start the week.  What about you?

I had the pleasure of meeting Traci Bild at Mom Grows a Business Conference a few years ago.   Traci was also a guest speaker at Thirty One’s National Conference that same year.  Traci’s message seemed to go in one ear and out the other.

A few days ago, her video popped up (a God wink, I am sure). Obviously, God has a message that I needed to hear which is why she keeps showing up in my life.  I am thinking that there is someone else out there that could stand to hear the message too.  Click the link and take just 45 minutes to listen to the video! I have been soaking up like a sponge her daily words of inspiration – check her out on Facebook.  The first thing that hit me with a SMACK was the importance of not just setting business goals but also setting personal goals. It makes sense, right?  We have set business goals all of our life but when was the last time you wrote down a goal for your personal life?  Think about the things that matter most to you then write a goal with 3 action steps.

I have said it a zillion times BUT it needs to be repeated…

The KEY to being happy and successful – personally and professionally – is changing your current mindset and belief system.  It is this thinking that keeps you stuck or repeating the same habits in your life and your business.

Just for today, let’s make a change.  So,

If you REACT all day long, there is no progress.
If you DREAD your day, there is no progress.
If you RESENT your bills, your schedule, your kids, your job, there is no progress.
If you SURF, read, piddle and social all day, there is no progress.
If you WAIT for a better time, there is no progress.
If you WISH for someone else to be more supportive, there is no progress.
If you WANDER through your list, your desk, your mail, your email and your tasks…there is no progress.

Today, make PROGRESS on PURPOSE.  Even if you just set a timer for an HOUR (okay, make it 15 minutes to start) so that YOU can move FORWARD.

What will you do to move forward today?  Share with us so we can CELEBRATE you.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

The Bully in Your Head

TGIF!  This is the start of an exciting (and emotional) weekend – it is my 40th HS Reunion.  Yes, I graduated HS in 1975.  Over the last several weeks, there have been lots of pictures floating around including the one above from the 4th grade.  I am in the back row, 2nd from the right.

I am excited to see many old friends, introduce hubby to them and finally SQUASH the inner gremlin bully that lurks in my head.  Maybe you have one too.  “Who do you think you are?”  “You aren’t as good as ….”  Some days the bully is loud and intimidating while on other days he sleeps.  Yet without fail, he shows up to shake your confidence.  Mine has slept a lot over the last few months resting for this weekend.

Maybe you can relate.  Maybe you are applying for a new job, asking for a raise or starting your own business.  Maybe you are seeing friends and family who push your buttons. You know that you are successful.  You have awesome skills.  You have a business (or the job) that you love. You are confident.  Just as you walk in the door  — the bully rears its ugly head. “You’re not good enough, people are going to laugh at you,” What do you do? “No, what is your real job”  Do you retreat and go home?  Or do you fight the bully?

Thank you to the AWESOME Traci Bild for these five strategies that will calm the noise in your head:

1. Stay focused on what it is you want:  Talk to the Universe putting ONLY the positives out.  Move into the driver’s seat and redirect your thoughts to focus on what it is you want, what you can do, will have and are capable of.  Positive thoughts NOT negative ones.  Remember, you get what you put your focus on.

2. Restate damaging thoughts:  So what do you do when those negative thoughts creep in? The next time the bully shows up, take the damaging thoughts or words and restate them to emphasize what you want. If your thought is, “You will never have a successful business!” Restate to, “I am a success because I can pay my bills and enjoy my life as a result of it.”  Say it over and over because it’s going to feel odd, it will work.  You may have to “fake it till you make it” but as you speak the positive into the Universe, good things will come to you.

3. Retrain your brain:  How? Surround yourself by positive or inspiring thought patterns. Placed laminated quotes, images and inspiring words on your vanity mirror the refrigerator, and in your office.  As your mind naturally wonders to them, reading them multiple times a day, you are re-training your brain, every day, to focus on what it is you can do, and are capable of.  You are giving yourself the tools to battle the bully in your head. Over time, your mind will naturally focus on what you can do rather than what you can’t and that is power!

4. Protect your dream:  This one really surprised me but makes perfect sense.  Be careful who you share your dreams with. People are quick to remind you of “what you can’t do or why” because they haven’t defeated the bully in their own head. Confide only in those who support and encourage you or else risk another bully- this one outside of your head and in your circle of influence.

5. Use the risk-reward formula: Whenever you’re making a big decision ask yourself  — what’s the worst thing that can happen? If you can live with the worst case scenario, take the risk and move forward. If  you can’t then don’t; it’s that simple.

Will this squash the bully forever?  Probably not, he will will return to test the waters, to see if you’ve weakened your resolve and if it’s able to penetrate your mind enough to derail you. Be sure to fight back. Focus on what you want, can do, will have and the way it will feel once you’ve accomplished your goal.

Who is ready to reach for their goals and STOMP out that inner gremlin?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Dear Teenage Self Part 2

Traci Bild‘s list had some more great ideas so I wanted to share my take on her ideas….

1. Write College Essays – I know, this one sounds weird, right?  But despite how much I loved writing, especially poetry, when I was younger; I avoided some college applications because I didn’t want to write essays.  I didn’t think I was very good at it.  My SAT scores and grades were average.  I just had not confidence in myself or what many thought was a strength.

2. Rooming with a Friend – I didn’t know anyone when I went to college which I am guessing was a good thing.  I hoped to start fresh and hopefully find ME!  So, when Belinda looked at colleges,  when she thought for a minute that she would stay home and go locally; living at home.  I said NO!  You need to go to college and stay there.  Make new friends, expand your circles.  Okay, so 12 hours away was a little bit further than I would like but despite some stormy weeks in the beginning…. where does she still live?  Yup, North Carolina.

3. Join a Sorority – When I went to Roger Williams College, there were no sororities or fraternities on campus.  I know, it must have been the dark ages RIGHT?  When Belinda had the chance to pledge with AXO, I encouraged her.  This move helped her in so many ways to become the AMAZING woman that she is today.

4. Date Different People – I dated in high school and a little bit in college.  I think the lack of confidence really caught up with me in this area.  Belinda didn’t date a lot either but she always was with a group of friends (primarily guys).  I am blessed that hubby and I reconnected after 30 years because I owe ALOT of my AHA and growing the last few years to him.

5. Find Related Job/Internship – I probably drilled this into Belinda forever.  I encouraged her with every job she had to find a way to relate it to her field of study.  Little did I know that she would end up being a social worker.  The push to find related jobs and internships in college has helped Belinda to grow in her field even though it means she is still in North Carolina.  As for me, I was a Pre-law major with a goal of helping people who couldn’t afford an attorney.  Guess the switch to social work wasn’t such a stretch after all.

 6. Let Life Lead You – The life you imagine for yourself may not materialize how you think it will, so be prepared and open for both the magical and difficult aspects of adulthood. As kids, we fantasize about how wonderful adulthood will be. Of course it’s exciting but also challenging.

The plans you made as a child as to when you would marry, have kids, and what career you would have may not have worked out as you thought or predicted.  You may feel like you didn’t choose your own adventure because you are now in a place as a result of “circumstances”.  The truth is, despite our best efforts to make our own plan, God has a plan for each of us.

It doesn’t matter what direction life leads –  you may be shocked and it may delight you OR you may feel like you are on a train wreck but that’s okay!  Learn the life lesson and move on.  Don’t get stuck in the past or in the moment for you may miss that window (or door) that is open for new possibilities.

Have you shared the advice you would have given your teenage self with your kids?  If not, why not?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

What Happen to Me

Thank you Traci Bild for another nudge.  It was your blog – along with some AHA moments at the ETTM Power of Connection Conference AND a comment from hubby that got me ready for today’s appointment.  This afternoon, I am headed to see a new counselor/ life coach.  She takes our health insurance – YEAH! and according to her bio, she is the one.  Okay, so I am 10 steps ahead of you, right?  Let’s see if I can do a condensed version of this journey…

Traci’s blog was entitled “The Day I Realized I was No Longer The Woman My Husband Wanted”.  Don’t panic folks, there is no trouble at home.  It was just an AHA moment for me.  Those fun things that I used to plan had turned into a routine.  The cute emails and notes – no more because we were married.  I actually came across the emails that hubby and I had written in a box…. he printed and saved them all.  My little hoarded helped me to realize how much I had changed.  I read some of them and thought “who is this person”.  The person in those letters was always smiling, crazy busy (okay so maybe that hadn’t changed), willing to put work aside to spend time with the people she loved and was romantic – totally in love with her man!  Okay, so the totally in love part didn’t change but I did!  Somewhere along the way, I got comfortable – not always a bad thing. I wasn’t sure what I was changing into but I was sure I wasn’t 100% happy.

Fast forward to the ETTM Power of Connection Conference where God began to work his magic or better yet, he picked up a 2×4 and hit me in the head.  I longed to see myself as others see me…”your smile lights up a room”, “your business is booming”, or “you look great, are you loosing more weight”.  Okay, so that wasn’t what I saw when I looked in the mirror.  Then at a pivotal point and for what seemed like no real reason, I shared a DEEP secret with another participant.  The funny thing was, as soon as the words were out of my mouth – I covered my mouth.  You know like putting the lid on a pot after it has boiled over.  LaTia smiled and simply said “now it is time for you to soar.  You have taken the first step of letting go of the one thing that has held you back”.  She signed her book “Burdens in My Backpack” and I came home ready to share all of the wonderful things that I had learned at the conference.

WRONG!  When I started to tell hubby all of the wonder things…his response “blah, blah, blah”.  I was shocked, hurt and then I felt the nudge to listen to what he had to say.  That is when he shared that “I was my own worst enemy” – really, like I didn’t know that, right?  He said, “you need to find someone who can help you finally get over this hump and move on so you can ROCK your business”.  Deep down, I think he is hoping that the girl he fell in love with over 42 years ago will return too.  Yes, that was ME!

So, after a few tears, and beating myself up a little.  I was on a mission to find someone who was not only willing to help me overcome this secret but who was also going to help me move forward in my business.  I knew all of the things that I didn’t want in a counselor which was a lot easier to list than what I wanted in one.  I actually found one that takes our insurance AND focuses on the things that I want to do in my life including my business.

So, today is the day and I am excited, nervous and willing to move on.  This secret has controlled my life for 40 years and I am ready to let it go.  I am ready to blossom and shine.  I am ready to return to the woman that my hubby fell in love with and ROCK my business.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!