Recovery, Unclutter Your Life

How Honest Are You?

 The “Just for Today” reading this morning was about growing honest.  Think about how honest  you really are.  Do you return extra change to the cashier? Would you admit if you hit a parked car? 

Now, how about being honest with yourself.  Do you honor the person you are on the inside by honestly sharing with those are around you?  Maybe you are like me and don’t always know who the person is on the inside.  Maybe you have “white lied” or left out parts for so long, you have honestly lost the person inside….

We all say we want “the truth” but are we always ready to hear the “truth”???

I remember telling Belinda when she was growing up  “if she was honest with me, she wouldn’t get in trouble.”  I know you are probably thinking  “she’s CRAZY”, right?  Who is crazy enough to tell a child they wouldn’t get punished?  Was I scared of what she would tell me?  YES!  I wanted her to know I would always be there for her.   I stuck to my guns. When she did something wrong or thought I wouldn’t approve of some thing, she told me and she didn’t get punished.  I’m not foolish enough to think she admitted everything but I do know there were times when she did and I was grateful.  I think it helped us in building a strong relationship.

My first time in recovery, I was honest to myself.  I wanted the values I was learning (re-learning from my childhood) to be instilled in my daughter.  Sadly, as I made my way down the spiral to a relapse, those things were lost.  My “white lies” or not whole truths kept me from being the honest person I wanted to be.  It sent mixed messages when there should have been complete trust.  I chose pride over honesty until things were such a mess, I had not choice but to get “honest” with myself and others.

As I entered recovery for the second time, the phrase “honesty is the best policy” haunted me.  Doubt and fear had me convinced those I loved would walk away, never speaking to me again.  They trusted me.  They believed what they saw on the outside while I was trying to close the door on the inner gremlins seeking to get out on the inside.  How could I be honest with them?  I feared the pain I would cause.  I feared the outcome.  I feared the losing the people I cared about the most.  But we are only as sick as our secrets.  It was time to get honest and take the good with the bad….

With 22+ months clean, I am learning honesty is more about having faith.  It is trusting my Higher Power will be there to guide and protect me.  Do I still struggle with being honest about my feelings?  YUP!  I play through how I think the other person will react.  I play through all of the “what ifs”.  Then I turn it over (or at least try to) and trust in the process.

After losing a sponsor, I looked for another.  I valued this person’s honesty at meetings. In a conversation, they told me “you worry too much about what the result will be, just share your feelings.  Be honest because it is about YOU getting better”.  I tried their suggestion and it backfired. Because when stating my feelings, I lost all compassion for the person I was speaking to. I realized their honesty was often self-centered, without a caring and compassionate concern for others. NOT the person I wanted to be.  I learned compassion and honesty had to work hand in hand for me.  I’m learning there is a time and a place to be honest.  What I mean is maybe sharing my feelings is NOT appropriate at this moment and may be better done at another time….the feelings still get shared BUT it is done with compassion towards the other person.

”Honesty is the cornerstone of all success, without which confidence and ability to perform shall cease to exist.”~Mary Kay Ash

This quote was in an early blog I wrote about honesty in business.  It can be applied to any aspect of your life.  Do we have self-confidence when we tell those “little lies” to hide our feelings?  Do we let doubt and fear take hold, so honesty goes out the door?  If you are lacking confidence, maybe you should look at how honest you are being to yourself and others.

For some honesty is the only way they have lived.  For others, being honest is something they have to re-learn because of past experiences.  How often have we thought we were being honest yet we were not sharing “everything”.  

When we are NOT 100% honest, we weave a tangled web.  We are being deceptive.  Believe it or not, after awhile we start to believe our own tales.  One small tale leads to another sort of like digging a ditch (one shovel full at a time).  Before long you are confused and lost in your own stories.  Reflecting, every time I lied or left out details (the times I remember) I was usually convincing myself I wasn’t good enough.  I was afraid of not living up to the expectations of others (which probably wasn’t there to begin with) or I just wanted to fit in.

Honesty cuts through the red tape, the distractions, the frustration and the indecision. Honesty gets you where you want to go faster because you live how you really feel. Believe it or not your intuition will give you a feel for what is in harmony with your heart.

Start by being honest with yourself. Be honest about your thoughts, words, actions and wants. Then think about your interaction with others and your personal relationships. Do people know your true self? If not, what are you afraid of?  Tough as it may be, own your feelings when you talk.  Don’t blame others!  I will admit this takes some practice.  I’m still learning!  Isn’t our immediate response to defend when we are hurt or angry?  I know mine is.  I easily react to something someone says instead of expressing my feelings honestly and openly.

Be honest with your friends, family and co-workers.  If you mess up – ADMIT it!  They will appreciate the honesty.  If we are viewed as “perfect”, others may hesitate to approach us.  The way you present yourself to others, being true to yourself and your values will shine through.

Honesty can lead to better health….. “Telling the truth when tempted to lie can significantly improve a person’s mental and physical health, according to a “Science of Honesty” study.  Makes sense, right?  Less stress.

Have a blessed day!

Woohoo Wednesday

Thankful Thursday: Judgement

 

Judgement is defined as the forming of an opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion, from circumstances presented to the mind”.  I know, why would I be thankful for “judgements”, right?   First because I am learning when I am judging someone else, I better look at myself in that particular area.  Second, I am learning to turn Judgement into Curiosity…..

Think about how many times you have judged or been judged by someone – no matter what the reason?  I know we try our best NOT to judge but isn’t it human nature to judge others.  I will admit since being in recovery, I realize how often I judge people and I don’t like it.   I usually find the reason I am judging them is because something is missing in me – a relationship with my Higher Power or a case of envy or jealousy. 

Isn’t it natural to form an opinion about information we receive?  The problem arises when we proclaim our opinion as the truth, even when we don’t have enough information to come to a definite conclusion.  How often have you done this?  I know I am not alone, right?

We judge people for the way they look, for the way they dress, where they live, what we “think” their life is like, what they eat, how they act……….you get the picture, right?  Social media doesn’t help either because we only see the image people want to project which is usually positive with all of the struggles.  As a result, we determine what their life is like based on just a few pictures.  I have found I do the same thing in my direct sales business as well as my small business.  I judge who may be potential customers or be interested in certain products.  I have already decided they may or may not buy based on what we think or what we perceive.  BUT have we talked to them?  Have we asked them any questions?

The first step in wanting to change this habit is to be aware AND admit you are doing it.  When you stop judging others, you will notice yourself connecting with people more authentically and learning valuable information about them. When others feel like they are being heard, they are more open to hearing you.

I challenge you to try this: The next time you are tempted to be judgmental, instead, be curious. Instead of deciding you know their motives, intentions or backstory, withhold those judgments and listen. The only way to build bridges is to refuse to jump to conclusions, and instead be curious.

1. Be curious by asking questions of yourself.

  • Why do you suppose they did/said/feel that?
  • How does it affect me, if at all?
  • Why does it bother me?
  • What could I learn from this person or situation?

2. Be curious by asking questions of others.

What if we asked them to tell us more about (fill in the blank)?  Or maybe you have been in their shoes, so you can share with them, or ask how they are feeling.  Better yet, say nothing at all. Let them talk and just listen.  Listening can be tough when we have already “judged” someone but force yourself to LISTEN!

We can learn so much about people by turning away from judgment and towards curiosity. When you ask those two questions – of yourself and others – you will gain a new unexpected perspective or a new piece of information providing insight you might not have had before.  It will help you build trust which will  open the door to greater connection.

Who have you been (tempted to be) judgmental towards recently? At work? On social media? With a friend or family member?

Maybe in your business…. Have you hesitated because you had already decided they wouldn’t be interested or couldn’t afford the products?  Have you missed an opportunity to connect with someone new?  Maybe you have missed out on giving or receiving a blessing because you pre-judged them and their situation.

What would happen if you were curious instead of judgemental? Share your AHA moment with us.

Have a blessed day!

 

Unclutter Your Life

Need Help Achieving Your Goal?

Yesterday we talked about “drawing a line in the sand”, hitting reset when we are stuck. Each month I set goal in my business – some months I struggle while others I knock it out of the park.  I am one of those always looking for the next coaching opportunity to help me get through a rough spot.  Did you know you, can actually coach yourself?

Thank you Valerie Burton for sharing these seven questions and inspiring me to troubleshoot some of my own challenges.  I’m not saying business coaching is not necessary or helpful but sometimes we can work through the challenges on our own to help us grow and move out of our comfort zone.  Let’s get started:

1. What are your three most important values?

Values are the concepts and principles you feel are most important – what you value in your life. For example, one of my values is caring/ concern for others. Taking care of others has always been important in my life.  I always wanted my own business because I wanted to make a difference in the lives of others – from the early days making premature baby clothes till now – caring for others is always in the forefront.  Research says we stick to our goals when they revolve around our values. Not sure what your values are?  CLICK HERE for a link to some examples.  What are your three most important values?

2. What goal would best reflect those values?

Once you know your values, think about your goals and ask, “Does this goal reflect what I value?” If it doesn’t reflect them at all, then it may be time to drop the goal. If the goal reflects a little, tweak it so it represents what matters most to you. When you make your goal more meaningful, you increase the likelihood you will persevere until you reach it.

3. What are the measurable signs I’ve reached my goal?

We have all heard of S.M.A.R.T. goals, right?  The bottom line is your goal should be very specific. For example, my goal to goal weight.  A more specific version of this goal could be, “I’m going to lose a pound a week for the next 3 months.” It is a goal you can measure at a doable pace. It becomes about you consistently changing small habits to be successful. With a specific goal, you are able to get very specific about what you need to do in order to achieve it.

4. What skill do I need to acquire in order to be able to reach my goal?

I dream big – some would say too big.  What about you?  If you dream big and you haven’t reached your goal yet, maybe there is a good reason.  Maybe you don’t have the skill set to fully achieve your goal.  Don’t get discouraged! Acquiring the right skills can become a goal to help you reach your goal. Why “acquire” instead of “learn”?  Sometimes you need to personally learn the skills and sometimes you need to find someone who has the skill so they can help you reach your goal.  You might hire someone to help you or team up with a partner, or it maybe have a conversation with someone who understands what it takes to reach the goal. “Be honest with yourself ” about the skills you need to reach your goal.

5. What is my game plan for handling a setback on my way to the goal?

Let’s face it, we will have setbacks. There will be disappointments. There may be failures along the way.  What happens when I don’t lose the pound a week or when my business calendar is not full?  Are you ready for them or are you convinced it will never happen?  SMACK!  We need a game plan so 1) it’s not a surprise because you’ve already planned for it, and 2) you already know what to do. Think ahead and ask yourself: “How will I handle a setback so I bounce back quickly and keep moving forward?”

6. Who is the best person(s) to give me feedback on my progress?

Feedback or accountability is necessary for success. Talk to someone who is objective, someone who can look at your work and say, “I’ve been there, done that and here’s what will work.” Remember the old saying “Iron sharpens iron”?  Ask and willing accept help from those who understand the process.

7. What is an alternative path to my goal?

Do you have a list of action steps and think there is only one way to achieve your goal?  Guess what?  You need to be flexible. Your path might not be the path meant to be used to reach the goal. Be open to an alternative path if your path is not working. Be flexible and creative, and sooner than not, you’ll arrive at your finish line.

What is your goal and does it reflect your values?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

 

Woohoo Wednesday

Judgment Becomes Curiosity

Judgement is defined as the forming of an opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion, from circumstances presented to the mind”.  How many times have you judged or been judged by someone – no matter what the reason?  I know we try our best NOT to judge but isn’t it human nature to judge others.  

Think about it, isn’t it natural to form an opinion about information we receive.  The problem arises when we proclaim our opinion as the truth, even when we don’t have enough information to come to a definite conclusion.

We judge people for the way they look.  We judge people for the way they dress, where they live, what we “think” their life is like, what they eat, how they act……….you get the picture, right?  In direct sales, we judge those who may be potential customers and/or recruits.  We have already decided they may or may not buy or join based on what we think or what we perceive.  BUT have we talked to them?  Have we asked them any questions?

The first step in changing this habit is to be aware of your tendency to do it AND admitting it.  When you stop judging others, you will notice yourself connecting with people more authentically and learning valuable information about them. When others feel like they are being heard, they are more open to hearing you.

I challenge you to try this: The next time you are tempted to be judgmental, instead, be curious. Instead of deciding you know their motives, intentions or backstory, withhold those judgments and listen. The only way to build bridges is to refuse to jump to conclusions, and instead be curious.

1. Be curious by asking questions of yourself.

  • Why do you suppose they did/said/feel that?
  • How does it affect me, if at all?
  • Why does it bother me?
  • What could I learn from this person or situation?

2. Be curious by asking questions of others.

What if we asked them to tell us more about (fill in the blank)?  Or maybe you have been in their shoes, so you can share with them, or ask how they are feeling.  Better yet, say nothing at all. Let them talk and just listen.

We can learn so much about people by turning away from judgment and towards curiosity. When you ask those two questions – of yourself and others – you will gain a new unexpected perspective or a new piece of information providing insight you might not have had before.  It will help you build trust which will  open the door to greater connection.

Who have you been (tempted to be) judgmental towards recently? At work? On social media? With a friend or family member?

Think about your business…. have you heard those cues about needing more time, or money?  Have you hesitated because you had already decided they wouldn’t be interested or couldn’t afford the enrollment kit?  Have you missed an opportunity to connect with someone new?  Maybe you have missed out on giving or receiving a blessing because you pre-judged them and their situation.

I recently heard another leader with Thirty One talk about how she offers the opportunity to everyone.  Not who she thinks would be interested but everyone.  What is the worse thing that could happen?  They say NO!  Imagine if they said yes!  She believes EVERYONE will be on her team at some point in time, it is all a matter of time.  Do you know what has happened to her business?  It has grown by leaps and bounds.  She has gone from judgemental to curious.

What would happen if you were curious instead of judgement? Share your AHA moment with us.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Business Tips and Tricks

An Accountability Partner in Life And Business

 

accountability-business

Happy Friday!

If you are in direct sales, you have probably heard a zillion times “get an accountability partner”.  I have to admit that I have heard it BUT the truth is I never seemed to find one.  The best intentions always led to things fizzling out.

Then I was doing some research on organizational tips and this same subject came up.  The need to have an Accountability Partner when you are cleaning or organizing.  Interesting, right?

The truth is anyone who is successful in weightless or business or in running a household, is accountable to someone.  There is no magic pill or formula that will guarantee success. There is absolutely no substitute for hard work and determination.

The one thing that will make a HUGE difference in you sticking with a plan and working towards your goal is accountability. Being accountable to someone as well as getting support from others is one of the most effective things you can do to ensure success. You don’t have to do this alone!

These tips may need to be tweaked just a little if you are applying them to your life or your organizational project or your business but you get the general idea, right?

1. Find someone with similar goals but in a different industry.  Or a different company if you’re in Direct Sales.

2. Pair up with someone who has similar values and style.

3. Decide what you want/need in a partner. Do you want someone that just emails once a week asking how it’s going? Or do you want to have a set phone date with a plan?  Do you need to have frequent texts back and forth?

4. Find someone with a similar schedule. If you’re not a morning person but your buddy it is night person it could be hard to find a convenient time to chat.

I can usually find someone BUT I always get stuck on the next step.

1. Tell them your current goal or project that you are looking to achieve or finish.   Seems obvious but they can’t help you if you don’t tell them

2. Both buddies need to set goals and a completion date.

I am a giver by nature so once I know my partner’s needs, I am their cheerleader.  I will do everything I can to help them succeed.  On the other hand, I am not so good at receiving so getting support and encouragement or the occasional kick in the butt can be a struggle!

Some would say that I haven’t found the right person.  Others would say, I’m not passionate enough about my goal.  They could both be right.  It could be the FEAR of letting the other person down by not giving them the support that they need to meet their goals.

The truth is that when I was truly accountable in my weightless journey to others, I lost 100+ pounds.  Once the accountability was gone, so was the motivation.  No, I haven’t gained back the weight so I guess there is still some motivation.

What is your goal – is it to be more organized or grow your business or lose weight? Maybe the difference between your success and your failure is having an accountability partner… what do you think?  Share your thoughts OR let us know if you are looking for an accountability party, maybe there is another reader out there who would love to team up with you.

What-is-Accountability

 

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!