Thank you Hope Shortt for the inspiration to do this blog. Your question: Do you ever remember a time in your life that you were truly scared of something? made me stop in my tracks. Today’s blog comes from deep in my heart and I hope that by sharing this (though some may cringe at its honesty) I can bid farewell to a FEAR that has haunted me for too many years…
We are going to go back in time…say 1990 when I thought I was in control of my life. It was Belinda’s 2nd birthday or pretty close to it. I was at work when a Police Detective walked through the door and asked my boss to speak to me. FEAR! That moment when I just knew that my world was going to fall apart. FEAR! The moment when I realized that my “recreational” drug use might be a problem. FEAR! The moment when EVERYONE was going to know that I was a fake! This may seem a bit dramatic for some but the truth is, this was when I let FEAR invade my life. From that moment on, FEAR became a major part of my life. Satan has had a field day with me ever since.
The truth was, I was a drug addict. My addiction had caused me to do things that I knew were wrong, that were “not the way I was raised”, and that were “not the way I wanted to raise my daughter”. I thought I was having fun. Recreational use for over 8 years had gradually turned into more as I moved from weekend use to all the time (or as often as I could afford). My life was a mess and the only one that seemed to know if was God! I was arrested, faced possible jail time, put in a Pre-Trial Intervention Program for community service and sent to rehab. God had a plan and I had definitely drifted off course – further than I ever had before. As I sit here now remembering that dreadful day, my heart races, knots form in my stomach and tears well up in my eyes. Through it all, I am grateful. It was a turning point in my life that helped me to slowly move closer to God’s will for me. Did I have a lot of FAITH? No! Did I think God loved me enough to want to save me? No! But as I look back, I know that rocky road of recovery and growth made me who I am today.
Alright, so you are wondering why I bothered to share about FEAR, right? Been there, done that, got over it, right? The truth is – deep in the crevice of my soul, FEAR still has a hold on my heart. This week has been a week of growth and as a result, I am bidding farewell to FEAR! As Hope talked about in her blog:
I encourage you to be brave. Realize that when fear creeps in, push it out. My God is bigger than anything else and My God has proven that time and time again. Be strong. Be courageous and remember that He already knows what tomorrow holds-therefore fear is not how He equips you.
Let’s bid a farewell to fear this year. Make 2014 a year of faith. Whether it’s about your job, your car, an accident, your finances, your relationships…whatever it is, don’t let fear in. Don’t let it win….. Allowing fear to take over is actually really easy- and it can cost us on becoming what God really wants from us and needs us to be for others. I believe it’s one of the greatest attacks on us as believers. I refuse to be taken advantage of by the enemy. He’s stolen too much from me before.
I will EMBRACE the new found joy in my heart and my God-sized Dream. I will no longer let a FEAR that has hovered outside my heart steal my joy. What is YOUR greatest FEAR? Is that FEAR keeping you from reaching YOUR dreams? I challenge you to bid farewell to the fear.. will you take the challenge
Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!